I was so petrified when I had that talk that most of what I was supposed to say was not said so since then they are ignoring this (the worst were the first few days when they were acting like we are a perfect and happy family all the while MAKING ME CRAZY) so I had to come up with a better plan.
On September 16 they will leave at around 9:00 for Matane. This is more than one hour to go there and then another more than one hour to come back, in addition there's my mom's appointment and they will probably visit an aunt. The day before if they still have not told me yes I will leave on the table a letter with everything that needs to be said in it (the situation with all of us...that it is crazy that they are taking a vacation offer like an insult...that i am suicidal [its the truth...been like that since april...i have no idea why it took this long]...i will tell them the terms of the offer...all the options they have and what they mean...the day of the letter will count as day 0 and they will have a full year to tell me the answer and a full year to go...EVERYTHING). I will be asleep when they will read it and I still will be in my bedroom when they will leave so they will have a few hours by themselves to discuss this (PLUS i will have a RARE opportunity to at least have my morning routine go well).
I will be 38 years old on November 11 and look at me! I am living with my parents who are evil and killing me, I have no job, no relationship, no real friends (there are many nice people on the internet and i am VERY grateful for them all but still i have never met them), no future, nothing!
They have nine days to tell me they will go (they dont even have to go 1 full day...just 1 day to go and 1 day to come back is 1 full day and its the MINIMUM i ask!!!!!!!!!!!).
Only Shumi fighting to come back to who he used to be is stopping me from killing myself right now but my parents know full well I am suicidal (they heard me on the night of the final playoff game of the Dallas Stars...i said several time that i would kill myself...just eat some brazil nuts where noone is around and im dead in a few minutes...thats it) and they do not care so if that letter (if thats what it takes) is what wakes them up it won't be the suicidal part (just like when i spent about 1 year in the house before i turned 20...i never went out even in the yard...only slept or watch tv or cried...NEVER ONCE THEY ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG...NEVER ONCE LOOKED AT ME WORRIED).
Every single day when I get up I feel like I am in hell, a hell that repeats itself every single day and a hell that has no way out. And again they know this (its easy to see...sometimes its so bad that when i go out people i dont even know look at me worried...my own parents dont care) and do not care one bit.
I have read many comments on the internet from people cutting all ties with evil people from their lifes and hopefully one day I will be able to do that!
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