I have never had anyone helping me in any way plus there was the stress and lack of love in my home and the bullying so I have always been hard on myself but never to the point of insulting myself, I did asked why I existed for a period of time but stopped when I first saw Shumi. It is very hard living here. Not only because I am stuck with my parents but also because it's like we are living in hell, it's like there's a curse here or something. Not one normal day I have had since moving here, not one. I am used to being lonely, sad, stressed and the list goes on but at least I had normal days and my bad luck was not to this extent. I am afraid that if there's really a curse here that when I finally move away that that curse will follow me (at least i would be far from my parents so i would have a better chance)! Today could of been such an amazing day for me. My parents left at around 7:00 and won't be back probably for a few more hours but from the moment I last woke up (woke up a few times and only slept like 1 or 2 hours) it was just one bad thing over another (almost had a panic attack a few minutes after getting up). If it weren't that I am alone so I can try to calm myself (cannot happen with 1 or both parents near me) and that Ralfie won I would be a total mess right now.

Oh and I actually like McEnroe. Haha smile.