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Dear Nancy -

I hadn't responded to your previous message, I see!

It is very common in life that we know intellectually what to do but emotionally we have roadblocks. Think of all the people who know they should exercise, but who do not do it. They have a wealth of reasons and rationalizations why they don't, even though logically they know it's critical for body health. So I think every one of us rationalizes in certain areas of our life. It's normal and natural.

The issue of an older person needing help is quite thoroughly studied, and what your grandmother is doing is quite normal. We start out as helpless infants. We grow and learn and at each stage we build independence. Finally we are on our own and in charge of our own lives and "an adult". It is *enormously* hard, after decades of this, to then "regress". To in essence turn into an infant again. People fight this tooth and nail. They don't want to lose their independence.

For your grandmother, any concession is an admission that she is no longer a fully functional adult. It's like saying "I'm a child and I need help." Few people want to do that. So she's going to resist. The key is to find a way to help her see that she IS a wonderful, intelligent, fully functional adult - and at the same time she just needs help in one particular area. Just like I need Bob's help opening a peanut butter jar. It doesn't mean I'm not a full adult, it just means we all have different strengths.

So maybe gently going from that angle might help.

Moving from the home one loves is enormously difficult. The home represents independence and control and an investment of love and attention. It would be like abandoning a favorite pet. So there needs to be a careful transition planned out. Maybe there is an event or two she can do at a local senior center, to start having her see the others as a desirable group to be a part of? Again she has to look FORWARD to moving - she can't see this as an enormous penalty she has to suffer.