My life being a hell that has no end and me having no purpose except than to suffer and have no reason to exist continues!
I had decided that today was a big day, I was ready to make a real decision, it was a perfect day since I have no Hockey game tonight so I could of went to bed relaxed, get up when I wanted to, do my morning routine normally and then take my time without having to look at the time but of course something had to happen to stop me from doing this!
I was getting the shower ready and all the water went away (SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED AND WE ONLY BEEN HERE SINCE OCTOBER 6)! The beauty routines for the mornings and nights are the only thing I never give up on and I had to go to bed (which is still an air bed on a floor in the basement since my bedroom is still not finished which by the way is not negative for me since i want my bedroom completely done before sleeping in it) dirty! And the worst is that there's a trick for when that happens and of course my mom did not mention this at all! It took her less than one minute to get the water back! So I will remain dirty all day long (i dont want to start taking showers in the morning again and i refuse to waste water by taking 2 showers)! And of course I can forget about the big decision!
Every time I do something like that and I am actually excited about it something has to happen! Every time! Whether it is something small or big or in between it cannot go well for me or just like now something has to happen to stop me from doing it!
My parents are still psychopaths but at least things were advancing for me; slowly but I was doing it! Everything was falling into place, I actually thought I was starting to get some luck back! Stupid me for thinking I could actually get a life that is normal or at least meaningful!
I even started to hit myself again because of that, I hit my head when I was writing in the other topics here earlier and I also hit my right thigh then my head again, I also said that I wanted it to be all over and I cursed whoever is responsible for me existing (do not believe in god but just in case he exist i gave him 2 fingers and told him to go to hell for making me)!
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!