I am so so pleased that the stop sign is helping out. Visualize it nice and large and red and glowing. It is there to help you. It is your friend.
Whatever it is that is going on, it is temporary. Things will change tomorrow.
I absolutely understand your frustration. You are dealing with a lot! But it is all temporary. It will all go away. You don't have a time machine. You can't undo this current situation. So being upset about being in it only adds stress to your life and doesn't help. I.e. it's not like you can go back in time and "undo" it. So all you can do is start from here and move forward. That's your only choice.
So be compassionate with yourself, and heck, be grateful that things aren't worse. Lots of people out there are dealing with terminal cancer or starving to death or lack of limbs from war wounds. So you're actually in fairly good shape! Be grateful for what you have - a roof, food, and relative safety. Then move from here forward, to make your world better.
You enjoy writing - that is fantastic! This is a great thing to respect about yourself. Someday in the future you will have a wonderful place where you are at peace and can write. Hold that thought in your mind. You are deserving of that writing retreat. You will get there. One step at a time.
Until then, you can nurture yourself and take care of yourself, to be ready for that future.
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