The thing is that I found places I could rent that are in the middle of nowhere that I could afford, some even have a satellite dish so I could be alone and see the Dallas Stars (thats for 100% if i do go on a vacation NO INTERNET and if i have a tv ONLY for my hockey team) but I cannot do that because their new idea (thats what they dropped on me on january 21...the day i had marked as a new beginning) is to burn down the house to collect the insurance money (in all it would be more than 500,000$). They were shocked that I thought that was an horrible idea and that I was not only completely against it but that I would tell on them imediately. And they also do not believe me when I say that even experts have an hard time getting away with setting something on fire on purpose. Oh and also they actually thought about the few personel items I have that are important for me so they would put them all in boxes and hide them in our metal shed and in our car and that too shocked them when I said that that would be a red flag for the firefighters and investigators and they also do not believe that it would be a red flag (my mom actually told me it would not be their business to go look into our sheds and car).

So I cannot go to a vacation (still...paying for their vacations is cheaper AND with me gone and them staying here they would not get a vacation because they would still be here in the middle of all the drama they hate being in the middle of) and I cannot relax in my own home because of the previous problems and their new plan.

They begged me to never talk about their idea and I did. I told my closest friends by email, I told our nice neighbor and now I am saying it on the internet. They know I talked about it so that is stopping them from doing it (NOW they know they will be caught) but still since they are so more crazy than they were before we moved here I cannot trust them.

I told them that yes we live in an awful town but at least we have a roof over our heads, that too they do not get (by the way...they want to do that because they hate it here but they want to move to Lac-au-Saumon --- THAT PLACE IS LESS THAN 30 MINUTES AWAY FROM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

They are really crazy, I was always at least sure I would never become like them but now I'm not too sure, if I stay here while things do not change I may become like them. It started by me making my body lazy then they made my depression worst and made me a huge ball of stress and now I feel like my soul is actually dying; that is very sad and frightening.

Tomorrow I am doing a few small changes (email address is the main thing) then the next month I am starting my vitamins and calciums again and after I will walk at least once a day then I should have some energy back to do something, now I'm just going through the motions of what I need to do to get through the days (cheering for Canada in men's hockey was the remaining energy i had left) so I cannot face my parents now.

My parents are going to Rimouski tomorrow so I will have at least seven hours to myself since it's about six hours to go there and to come back home (i will probably be asleep when they leave since they are going at around 7:30 but at least i will have a few more hours and then wake up to a peaceful house) so that's like a tiny small little break.

Again thank you for your support!

Nancy xoxoxoxoxoxo