I decided to make the ultimatum (accept the money to go on vacation or i move) to my parents Thursday.

Only for my parents a gift of a vacation would be an insult especially since I had that idea when I heard it was something they want and need.

So tomorrow my goal is to relax. It will be hard but at least if I can not think about all that at all it would be a start and a good way to relax.

The sink in the kitchen is leaking so that's another thing (unless its a little something that can be fixed by not a plumber...i doubt it because for months now water has been dropping even when it was close...drops at a time...i had an idea to put a big bowl under it to catch all that water and to then recycle it...it took a lot of work but my parents finally accepted that...i could hear drops coming from underneath all night long but when i looked there were no water...finally i stepped into water before coming here) that we will have to go without soon. The sink in the upstairs bathroom has been shut down for at least one week now (the water was leaking down into the kitchen...my parents tried dropping water into it but its only when the sink is working that it does that). Before that it was the oven that broke (the 4 elements still work) then it was the downstairs bathroom's door that broke and before that it was a few places we could not renovate. These things will never be fixed and the renovations will never be finished since my parents have no money because they cannot budget.

And our fire wood is still not here eventhough it is fully paid and has been since at least one month (probably more than 2 months really). It was technically a good deal since we have enough for almost two years with a low price but my dad gave the money to a cousin of mine and it took many weeks until he learned where that wood is (i think he still do not know the name of the man who sold it) and he has never even been there because he needs a key to enter that wood land and he does not have access to it. Plus it's big logs that need to be cut with chainsaws which he does not have and don't know how to use. Plus it needs to be transported here with a trailer which he does not have. And when it will be cut he will need something else other than an axe (he has 1 and is good with it) and he only has an axe. Getting fire wood from elsewhere would of been an higher price but at least in just a few days or even the next day someone would of delivered it here all cut and ready to use but when things are not difficult my parents have to make it difficult. In about a month we will need to start heating the house and we won't be able to probably. So far they continue helping the people who are ripping us off without even mentioning that August is here and the wood is not cut and on our property.

There's a good chance that when I give my ultimatum (to almost everyone on this planet it would never be an ultimatum it would be a gift...saying no when i made that effort would not of hurt me but accepting it like an insult and then accepting it with an attitude and the waiting a few days before going and telling me by letter on an important day for me that they would not go was just cruel so that hurt and it is now an ultimatum) they just freak out so instead of waiting for the answer (yes means i and them have a vacation no means i am moving out as soon as i find a place i can afford) that would mean I will start my moving out proccess Thursday. They for sure will not throw me out since I am their punching bag so I am not worried about that but even if that's happen I don't care because being homeless would be better than to live here. I just want to have a chance to reload my brain, body and soul before starting the process and I also want to be completely ready which is why I so want to have a break away from them and time to plan everything about my moving on my own but like I said even if I end up homeless at least I won't be with them.

Another thing I decided a few days ago is that my dream of facing them and saying to them everything I want to them is off. I will write it all down then put it upstairs in my bedroom and when I will only have to get out I will tell them that my contact information is upstairs (i wont even give them the letter because if they see how big it is they might open it before im gone). They will interupt me anyway and even if they don't they will just deny or/and say they do not remember or/and blame me and/or whatever else. I refuse to give them one last evil cruel mean shot at me on the day that will be the best day of my life (i will also need to wait until the last moment to tell them im moving [unless they do not accept my offer of course then they will know] so i dont have them beating me down like they are so good at with and without words). A friend of mine had an excellent idea of moving out when they would be gone but that would be very difficult since they rarely go outside the house together and when they do it's not for a long period of time. I do not have a lot of things, most of my belongings are clothes and other things that can go in boxes, only my mattress and a bar table with it's chair are big then it's my computer. The HD television is for me but I did not pay it so I won't bring it with me.

Oh well I will start with the ultimatum Thursday unless a miracle happens tomorrow and they tell me they are accepting my offer!