Today I had the first news about Shumi in a long time. It was his manager saying that the latest news that he was in and out of consciousness was false because she had never said that. It is very confusing, why wait that long to say she never said that? I actually loved the no news part because it's none of our business how he is doing. Sure he is my god but I am not in his life so it's none of my business. Thinking that the people who are rich and famous belong to us all is one of the many faults of the human species. I think that the reason why I haven't had a meltdown about that is that never were the terms brain dead and vegetable used. Many people have spent long periods of time in a coma and have came out like they were before. Being brain dead or in a vegetative state is worst than death, he did not want that before his accident and his family I am sure won't let that happen to him. He is the best athlete ever and he is an amazing human being. He does not deserve that at all. It really sucks seeing people like him suffer when wortless evil people are allright.

I tried in two different occasions two different medication for my depression (less than 1 month each) and that made me worst. My thinking is that if you are still functional you do not need that kind of medication. Right now I am barely functional but I still am (for me when you let your hygiene go thats when you cannot not there yet + i do other things too). This Winter I felt like my soul was dead and I still feel like it. My parents killed it. My Stars made the playoffs this season after not making it for five years and it was very hard seeing the games, I even missed about one minute, that killed the remaining light in me. All I had left was watching the Dallas Stars and it was taken away from me (i almost freaked out when i learned they would be on TSN but then i remembered how during the playoffs it was illegal for any channels to do what they do often during the regular season [put a match that starts at 20:00 or 20:30 after a match that starts at 19:00 or 19:30...having parts of a game not shown on tv...etc...] but this changed during the years they did not make it!!!). All I ask in life is to be able to see every seconds of every games of the Dallas Stars and I cannot even have that anymore, apparently asking for that is too much.

Here most of the jobs that are available have to do with the forests and things like that so I cannot do most of the available jobs and that maks it harder to find one.

I should start driving again. I am so stressed when I drive that I stopped driving because it was too dangerous. Here you have to drive to get around since there's no public transportation. The closest city is Causapscal which is less than ten minutes away and then it's Amqui with less than an half hour. The parking lots here are so small but the rest it's a breeze to drive. I have only driven less than five times though since moving. My plan is to drive with my dad at least once a week to Causapscal until I am comfortable enough to go there by myself, I could at least do this by myself, it sucks to have to wait for someone to do everything, Causapscal is a small town but it's bigger than mine (theres a bank [here too but only opened on thursdays] a drugstore a grocery stores a few restaurants and my hair dresser is there too).

Rimouski is close to two hours away. Matane is a little less time farter than that. New Brunswick is next to us (theres an highway right in front of our town) and with less than one hour of drive we are in Campbellton.

I walked before my match today (Ralfie is it started at 5:00 so i got up before 3:00...i have a morning and night routine that i refuse to not do or change), it was so peaceful, the sun had not completely came out yet so there were barely anyone out (i love early mornings...that time of day has a smell that i love...its a magical time). Now the match before his has the first set almost done. If he finishes it fast I will probably have to take a small nap, I have a few errands and a 15:30 appointment (electrolysis [sp???] put it that late because i knew if he would play it would be over...thats 21:30 there and they dont have lights). My last television show ends at 21:00 and I think I'll start my night routine after that, if he wins I will add ten hours to my alarm clock when I'll be in my bedroom so I do not sleep too much (did not do that friday night and i ended up sleeping 0 second).