My stress level has been high since the end of December!
I found a way to get up from another blow I received and of course my parents started again making my life a living hell. They have this sixth sense about when I feel good or/and full of hope or/and when I set a date that is a new start and this is what they did to me on January 21 a day I was starting over again. That led me to the only choice I had left which is to give them an ultimatum: Accept money to take a vacation (AGAIN THIS IS WHAT THEY BOTH WANT SO THIS IS JUST NOT ME) so they can go relax to their best friend's house (also since my mom is in deaths door she could get medical help with a real doctor in a real hospital) and I can relax here by myself or I start the process to move out.
I for sure would still want to move out on my own even if they accept but if they do accept it would be a better situation for me. My brain would finally have had the vacation it needs and I could get more money aside.
Something happened again today with them and of course I was feeling peaceful today (i could of had the first normal day since we moved here in 2009....not shocked it did not happened...would of been shocked if it would of). I almost right there gave them my ultimatum but my mom lost it and decided to make two sorts of cup cakes (our oven [the 4 electric burners thankfully at least still works] stopped working a few months ago so she made the cake dough here and went 2 doors down to some family members to cook the cake there) so it was not the time. Oh and what they did today was give fire wood to a cousin (WHO BY THE WAY HAS A WOOD LOT....EVERY YEAR HE IS MISSING WOOD TO FINISH THE COLD SEASON) so the last days or weeks before the hot weather arrives we are the ones who will be cold because we do not have the money to use our electric heating system (except for the upstairs bathroom and hallway...i open it in the downstairs bathroom before my showers and close it a little after my night beauty routine...i dont care that they dont like it I WONT TAKE A SHOWER IN THE COLD). And also our first Winter we knew nothing about heating a house with a fire stove and we ended up missing wood because we haven't bought enough and an uncle had plenty of wood left and of course not even one tiny part of a wood log was given to us.