Moralee, reading your post is like looking at myself 3 years ago.
I suffer from Depression and borderline Bi-Polar (or type 4 bi-polar). The main difference is that I don't go into the manic highs; instead swing back and forth between ok days and "bile-black" days. That's how I've always termed my lows - the days that I can barely get out of bed, can't face people, and break down into hysterics if asked to make a decision - even one as simple as "what's for dinner?"
Add to that a teenager with Asperger's, and it can be interesting in this house.
I will also note, that I had gastric bypass for weight loss - because one of my major coping mechanisms was binging.
The whole story is there, but I basically had a breakdown, and was contemplating suicide at one point.
After my hospitalization, my church helped me with funds for putting my 2 yr old into daycare. I felt horribly guilty for not caring for him myself, but another part of me was extremely relieved; because I knew he was getting good care, and I could take the time to get myself back together.
We also did family counseling with my two oldest children, so they could understand a little of what was going on. (The 2 yr old was just not old enough to understand).
But if your daughter gets a happier and more "there" mommy from going to daycare (where she will have lots of little friends to play with) - then that is a good thing.
You can get through this, and so can your husband and daughter. It just takes time, understanding, and a willingness to work on it - whether that be with a counselor, psychiatrist, or in-house or out-patient (day-only) hospital treatment.
I would also like to highly recommend your checking into the group Emotions Anonymous. It is based on the same 12 step program as AA and NA, but it focuses on those people dealing with emotional issues such as Depression and Bi-polar. It is amazing how being with a group of people who completely understand what you are going through, helps.
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