Yea, I'm scared, when I had that thoughts. I know it is a serious issue. But my hubby has accepted the fact, but he just couldn't tolerate baby's crying, or disobediences. So when I saw him getting frustrated, I am so sad. I felt I really ruined 3 people's lives. But other than my hubby, who simply just wnat to move on now, i can't talk to anyone. Because, I am very different when I am in front of my friends, families. I appear to be the perfect mother. I am very cheerful, I sing, I dance, I hug my daughter a lot. But when I am by myself, I hated it so much, that I just wnat her to disappear. It is very very scary.
I do want to go with adoption, but I want to be able to be a part of her life. I also want the adoptive parents to understand I am not abandoning her, but just to give her a better mom. But I'm afraid once they adopt her, I'll be out of the picture even though they promise open adoption. But i know for my baby girl, she really deserves a mom who give her all of the unconditional love.
For my mil, she is not like me. Though she thinks babies are just work, but she is just an incredible mother and grandmother. She loves her so much she will not let us give her up. I like her and I respect her, so that's why sometimes I feel like I am doing this just for the grandparents.
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!