Try not to feel too hard on yourself. I can really feel the sincerity and by no means are you alone, though I absolutely think it feels that way sometimes.
When I had my daughter, I was gettng out of a horrible relationship and I had funky things going on with my bloodwork. My family was out in CT so, I very much did everything on my own, daycare, shopping, educating, feeding, cleaning, working, blah......
As my daughter got older, it became easier. There's about 3 years in there that are hard but if you have family that really is helpful. If you told them not everything, but that you emotionally could use some "you" time to get your life in some form of a routine you're experimenting with, they may consider helping?
You do let go of independence and spur of the moment fun times, but you also learn things - really about yourself and things you're good at that you didn't even know and those become more solid. Once you get the support system in place, you get your independance back and you can make arrangements to do those fun things.
I never lost myself to motherhood, but I did find I had to share my me-time the brokerage firm offered with trips, bonuses, etc. If you shuffle the pieces around a little bit, they really do settle into place
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