Fluffernutter6, I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. It sounds to me like much of it may be due to mental/physical exhaustion on your part and perhaps some depression as well? Perhaps this is all due to just feeling overwhelmed with everything. If so, then I'm going to throw you a rope that hopefully will help you to climb out! Have you heard of flylady.net? She is very helpful to women, especially moms who are struggling to keep it all together, and a lot of her stuff is geared towards children as well by helping them get involved and have fun with clean up, etc. Anyway, when you get organized and feel on top of things, it does amazing things for your sense of well-being! If you're exhausted, it's more important than ever to stay on top of things each day to avoid everything crashing down on you at once. FlyLady also has a radio show that you might enjoy.
Are you making sure to take care of "you?" To best take care of your family, you have to make sure you are also taking care of yourself. Are you taking time for yourself each day to just relax? Perhaps just 5 minutes, at different times of the day, of laying down to some peaceful music.
Do/Find things you enjoy. Make music a part of your life - music that you find peaceful, happy and uplifting. How about movies/tv shows that both your children "and you" enjoy? A short walk outside with your kids? Nature feeds one's soul!
Try to take in every moment - whether you think you're having fun or not, each life moment is a gift and one you'll never get back. Instead of thinking of the future or the past, try to be in the moment. Take everything in - the sounds, the smells, the colors around you, etc - and try to enjoy it. Remind yourself of what you're thankful for. Try to see the world through your kids eyes.
Exercising? If not, you can start with baby-steps - just 5 min. the first day if you want. Try to work up to at least 10 min of high intensity exercise a day - this is what's needed for the serotonin boost.
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