Hello, Thank you for starting this thread. I am new here and this is my first post, I joined so I could possibly get this off my chest. Like many of you, I found this site searching "I hate being a mom" I was a little surprised at all the sites that came up. Anyway, here is my story..
I was 19 when I had my daughter. My fiance and I had been together for 5 years at the time. I was told I was unable to have children. I was always on the bigger side and lost a ton of weight during the summer, I was in a size 9 for the first time in my life. Then in Jan, my mother kept telling me I know your pregnant, so to make her happy, I took a test, and yeah, she was right. I was happy, I always wanted a baby and looked forward to it.....Yeah, that changed, quickly. I quit smoking to be fair to my child, and when i quit, i eat, now im pregnant and in my mind i have an excuse to eat, needless to say I gained all my weight plus some extra. MY fiance was horrible to me, he wouldn't touch be, but he would look up skinny fake boobed hussys and watch them...it killed me. He treated me like [censored], called me names, acted like he hated me. He told me he didn't want the baby, he wasn't ready, but i thought i was, oh, and did i mention i was already 20 weeks along when i found out?? Yeah, and she came 6 weeks early, so it all kinda happened at once. When she was born, she never slept, she had horrible colic, and i got ZERO help from my fiance, he would be sleeping nice and sound and me? Crying along with my baby trying to get her to take a bottle. As time went by, he got a lot better, we also lived with his mom, and she helped me a lot. She is now 11 months old and when she was 7 months old, we got our own place. Now I am the typical stay at home mom, i cook, clean, take care of the baby, and its a blessing if i get to go outside and have a smoke (I started back 2 months after giving birth) I hate it, I hate it more then anything sometimes. She always gets into everything, pulls things off tables, breaks them. She has a high pitch scream whenever I'm not holding her or right beside her. Hell, the one day she was sitting there playing all happy, and as soon as I sit down on the couch, she starts throwing a fit. I'm so stressed out anymore, when my fiance comes home, he gets to play video games and relax, and im left with a screaming baby who throws her baby food at me, or won't go to bed. I miss my old life, All of my friends get to go out and have fun, my fun is when she sleeps for an extra half hour and i get to watch tv for a split second. WE can't go anywhere anymore, she screams her head off in the car, and continues to screams in the store, and people stare at me like im beating her or something, which i never have, and never will do. I love my daughter more then anything, but sometimes i hate being her mother. I hate not being able to go to wal-mart without her acting up, or just going on a simple car ride without her screaming the whole time. I have no friends & no family where i live, i moved to IL to be with my fiance, im from PA, and none of my friends even call me anymore, they're too busy going to the mall, or going on a date, or getting drinks, Me? I'm changing diapers, washing bottles, cleaning up toys....Sometimes i could scream, and actually have. I was told I could not have children..And after 5 years, never used protection, nothing happened...why all of a sudden. I wonder this a lot, I was told because of the weight loss, go figure right? I love my baby girl so much, but sometimes i want to stand up and say "Done" and just run away...My fiance and I are A LOT better now, we have the love back, but it's not like we can ever go on a date or anything...Yeah, this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I always wanted a baby, just not now.
Thank you, i really needed this rant.