Im so happy im not alone. i am 30yrs old and just gave birth to a baby boy a month ago. I wanted a baby so bad, at least i thought. I could have never imagined that i would hate it so much. i really do hate being a mom. i feel like this has been the worst mistake of my life. before this i had a wonderful life a little boring but wonderful, i drove a porscha and had extra money to spend on whatever i wanted. Most of all i miss my freedom. i hate that he cries all the time and that i have to get up in the middle of the night, and not to mention im a single mom.his dad sees him once a week, maybe. i pray to God that this gets better. when i think about the future i start to feel overwhelmed because i know deep down it only gets worst because the demand are more. i too have thought about adoption however i know my family will never forgive me or allow me too and i don't have the heart to tell them what's going on. sometimes when i put him to sleep in his crib i wonder if my life could go back to the way it was if he didn't wake up. this is very hard for me to write, i hate myself for feeling this way. i think maybe i am being punished for something, maybe the way i treated someone or maybe for not appreciating the little things. I just needed to say this out loud.
thanks for listening
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