Dear Marie, I really feel for you. You sound really lonely and you may have a false image of how motherhood should be. You say you live in a small community, but even there you should try to meet other moms as soon as possible. If you talk to others, you will see how stressed out everybody is (yes, even those who love being moms have their up and downs) and you will find a lot more understanding that you think. Is your daughter in day-care? IF not, I suggest she goes for a couple of hours.
On the other hand, hating being a mother is not such an unthinkable thing. At least not for professionals. You are right, it is a huge taboo, nobody talks about it, but it is not that uncommon and if you talk to your family doctor or even your gynecologist/ midwife, they might direct you to some therapist that can help, (if you think that could help). A therapist cannot cure you into loving being a mother, but s/he can help you making the most of it and give you tips about how to interact with your daughter. Also, you need to talk to your husband. You say he loves children and wants to have a lot. You also say he is not much around because of work. It is easy to love children if you only see them a couple of hours a day (and never alone) or every other week. One kid has proved to be more than enough for you. Just concentrate on the kid you have and the one coming. It is very unfair for you to keep having children for his sake, when all the work and stress and loneliness fall in your shoulders. Be rational about it with him. Maybe, don't use the words "hate being a mother". Just tell him that you feel overwhelmed, that it is a lot more work that you expected, explain to him how much attention a kid demands, how frustrated you are, that you wish you were doing a better job, and make him help you look for help. Daycare/ mursery, a couple of baby-sitting hours a week.
Don't overanalyse why you feel like this, you just do. Accept it and believe me, there are a lot more people like us out there. I wish you all the strength in the world and good luck.
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