I was sad to read your posts - I can't imagine being in your position. I don't think everyone is cut out for parenting - we're all different. My mother loves kids and had 5 - watching my mother and aunts made me realize at an early age that I probably wouldn't have children. It annoys me that people are placed under pressure by family, friends and society to reproduce. It takes a brave parent to admit they've made a mistake but I think your honesty is so helpful - hopefully, it will make some people think long and hard before deciding to have a child. Good luck to you - hope it all works out and you're soon in a happier place.
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