I just stumbled on this forum while doing a random search for "I hate being a mom". First off, I am not someone who hates being a mom (although I am not someone who dreamt of motherhood all my life either). Neverthless, now that I am a mom, I am enjoying it more than I expected and doing the best I can.I saw the original post as well as some of the initial replies. Though I dont really identify with that persons problem, I feel really sorry for her and hope that she is coping with it now.The reason I did a search for "hate being a mom" is completely different. I am not even sure if most posters on this thread who probably live in the west in typical nuclear families would even understand. But I have been carrying this for so long that I just need to vent. I have a 2 year old whom I love immensely and wouldn't want to change being a mom for anything else. But my problem is that my actions as a mom are constantly criticised and watched and every little fault is analysed and reported to my husband by others in the family. Sometimes by family members who live with us and at other times by those who are just occasional visitors. By now, I guess he is also convinced of my incompetence as a mom. Consequently, I feel drained out and gradually feel like I am losing faith in my own ability to be a good mom. But I get this constant stream of advice and criticism 24 X 7.How is one supposed to cope with it? You could say ignore it. But what if the person who does this to you lives with you under the same roof? When I tell my husband about it, he simply justifies this by pointing out some of the mistakes I have made in the past. Frankly speaking like all human beings (and like all other moms) I have made my share of mistakes and learnt from them. Nothing really serious though. I am sure all moms (and dads) would accept this. But does that mean you are incompetent and need to be watched over like a little child 24 X 7 and told what to do? Gradually, I am withdrawing from some of the parenting activities and letting other people do them (especially when they point out that I am not doing it the right way or whatever). But I am also consumed by guilt for not standing up to such people and doing my own thing as a parent. The net result is that I often end up thinking that things would have been better, especially for my child had I not become a parent at all. This is exarcebated by the fact that my own mother is a strong woman and never let people dictate her parenting style. Fortunately, for her she did not live with the kind of people I have to. But even if she had to I think she would have handled it differently. All this makes me think that my child will never have the image of a strong and dependable mom that I had. This makes me all the more sad. On top of all this, I work full time whereas my mom was a homemaker. So my child spends less time with me and more time with people who think I do a lousy job. I could easily quit my job but it would be difficult to keep my sanity in an environment where I am constantly criticised.I am expecting another one soon and cant imagine going through that entire routine again. But I know I will have to. And btw, I am not refering to the typical inconveiences you have with a little one (night waking, constant feeding, diaper changes etc). Though it is daunting, emotionally it does not scare me the way people around me and their behaviour does. I know all this is completely unrelated to this thread but I just needed to vent. Thanks to anyone who reads this. If there is anyone in a similar position, it would be great if you could share your thoughts as well as your coping strategies. Atleast for the sake of my kids, I would like to be mentally strong.
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