here's my sitch. i guess i'd eventually have a child then the hormones really kicked in late 30's got preg right away. i had given more thought about buying a sweater than raising a baby-child-teenager-adult. moved into a [censored] apt next to my boyfriend. was okay for a while and got with depression, regret, resentment and resistance. so now she's here. either: 1 i raise a child i don't want 2 leave her with the father who has a mountain of debt that i didn't know about 3 raise her together even if it's hard and she'll be disadvantaged compared to my peers kids 4 send her to live with my sister who is a teacher, very nurturing, wants kids and has agreed. however, the father won't let her go. 5 worst case scenario i believe my child is cursed. she is the first born of a first born mom, first born grandmom and first greatgrandmom and all our lives have sucked. i was never meant to be a mom and she's not suppose to be here!