I can relate to every word, sentence and feeling you have. I thought I'd always have a child at some point in life and left it to 39!!! I also hate it. I avoid my daughter as much as possible - daycare, daddycare, etc.
I am sorry to hear that you are a single mom. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you and of course, if you don't like it, it's that much worse.
I have a nine month old and it gets easier in some ways. Unfortunately the responsibility is always going to be there. I hope you get some more help from the community, family and friends.
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!