... I don't have any support from my husband or family. I don't have enough money to hire a babysitter, certainly not a nanny and most certainly not to pay someone to keep my children while I go away by myself. ... Oh, and the hubby, whenever I tell him I need a day by myself his response is always "you wanted them" and my response "yes and I still do, but I am not a robot, I need to recharge" at which point he stops talking and walks away.
Sorry that you feel so bad. I can quite understand your situation, really. Children are a lot of stress, a lot of people fail to understand that. I can totally relate to JennyT. Like her I didn't want children and I couldn't love mine at first and I felt awful. And also like her, I have a husband who is very supportive (actually, he was the one who wanted a child) and we can rely on our parents and occasionally on a baby-sitter for a dinner/movies night from time to time. Three times (my son is 2 1/2) we had even a night out of town. What makes your story different is that you wanted to have children and that you don't hate being a mother really. What you hate is that you don't ever get a break. You are married but have the life of an over-stressed single mum!! Your husband's answer: "you wanted them" is appalling. If he didn't want them himself, he could have said it, used a condom etc. They are also his. I used that sentence with my husband a couple of times, when he complained about a sleepless night or about having to be home at 8 in a wonderful summer night or something like that, but I would still take care of my son, because I was aware that, although he was not my idea, I was responsible of his being in this world! Try confronting your husband with the fact that his children would benefit from time with him, that he should also get to spend time with them, to get to know them better and love them enough to not ever say something like that again. I have unfortunately no magic tips, but you should realize that your children or you being their mother are not the source of your problem. You feel depressed because you feel alone. Aren't there any other mums where you live you could hang out with? Kids are less work when they get together with other kids and you could have the chance to talk to other adults. Best luck
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