Jenny, I don't know if you are still hanging around and reading on this site, but I have one question. Before you got pregnant, did you want children?

I think that if both you and your husband are both unhappy, you really may need to find her another family that could care for her. Honestly, you do seem to care because you are trying to find what is best for her and if you know you can not be that person, then you are doing right by trying to find someone else. Good luck, and keep us posted.