BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Spirituality The Goddess

Dave and Burt......thank you for your kind words of support. It does mean a lot to me and I am in tears writing this right now. I know we are way off topic on the Goddess thread here, but I need to explain a few things as you Gentlemen have been so kind to do as well. I was not going to share this at all on BellaOnline, but I will now.

I know my dear love has not left completely, and I am open to further communication with him always. My deep grief over his passing has clouded my ability to receive messages from him, but now and then messages do get through. He has been here and I know he is when the dishwasher goes on without warning, the treadmill goes on, I come home to find all four chairs around the kitchen table turned away from it in the exact same way.

I ask my love to come to me in dreams, and sometimes he will come the same night I ask. I actually dream in the morning just before waking. Sometimes he is in the body form I recognize, sometimes not, but I am very intuitive and I know it is him. Once he played a joke on me and came to me as George Clooney. Now, I never think of George Clooney in my every day life but I do have to admit that he is a handsome man. My boyfriend had hangups about his body because of what various illnesses and surgery had done to him, but I thought his body was beautiful. Even so, he evidently thought he would come to me in a dream as some studmuffin actor!

Anyway.....the dreams are very brief and most times he will not say a word but I know that he is there. If I ask him to come hold me, sometimes will come to me in my dreams to do that. Funny that you talk about my boyfriend holding my hand, Dave.....

The other morning I was up at 4am and I could not sleep for about an hour. I started thinking of him and cried, then finally went back to sleep. A few hours later I did dream of him, but this time he did not come in body form but in spirit form. He was a bright white being without a definite shape, and there was a vibrating humming sound. I have learned that our energy vibration in the physical realm is low, but in the spirit world our vibration goes up. A white hand was extended from this bright light, and it reached towards me and touched my hand. It was a gentle touch and then the hand took mine completely, and it was indeed my boyfriend's hand, as I will never forget the way it felt when we held hands. He was always so gentle.

I told him, "I know it is you." Then I leaned into the light to feel him more, and the humming noise intensified and the energy from him became very great. I think I was a bit overwhelmed by it so I backed off a bit. The dream ended there. I feel that he is strong and feeling very well by the energy that surrounded him.

I am open to his communication. I welcome it and I talk to him all the time like he is still here with me. Maybe he hears some of what I say. I know he is free and has less of a tie to me than I have to him. I always had the deeper love but I know he cared for me very much, more than he let on to me in his physical life. I do have an open mind and I take some comfort in the fact that he no longer suffers, because I know he suffered every day without complaint in the physical realm. In time, I know, it will get easier for me. Maybe my boyfriend misses me a little bit, but I do know he is happy and feeling well.

My sorrow is because I can't have the same kind of relationship with him. We had less than two short years together and I knew I would not have him into old age. I did live with that reality every day. His medical issues were too great and finally his heart gave out at 49 years old. I miss our talks, laughing together, touching each other, and having intimate time. He was the best intimate partner I ever had, and for a woman unsure of herself that meant the world to me. He was a very tactile person, and he always hurt because of physical conditions and medications that caused muscle tightness, so he liked to be touched. I would massage him a lot and he would reciprocate. He was always so considerate, respectful, and gentle. Just snuggling with him was heaven to me, and his aura was one of goodness.

I never had a relationship like that before and I miss it. I am human after all, one who likes closeness, and I miss what felt good. Who wouldn't? We were not soulmates, but I loved him like we were married. I chose to love him with my entire heart even if he did not feel the same. I guess I am just a hopeless romantic, and he was very sweet to me.