I think you just touched on the biggest frustration and mystery with autistic kids - one step forward, 2 steps back seems to be the pattern for many. And, the stress a marriage is under when grappling with the issues of autism.
The families I've seem with autistic children have found support groups very useful to help give ideas they may not have thought of and just to connect with other families that are going through the same thing.
Just some thoughts - perhaps don't look too far down the road. Sometimes when we do that we miss things we can do today.