It sure is an eye opener on what other states laws are relating to school. Based on what you have stated I would have moved to another state long ago. Here in CA we have the regional center system so I am glad we are here. I am from NJ and thought about going back there since I had heard the services there were good, but not going to do that.
We were living in Florida when Matthew was born and I am glad that we left there after 6 months because from my readings over the years that is the worse state to be in.
I know that in some states there are various organizations that pay for therapies. For example Easter Seals, Kiwanis Club, ARC, YMCA, Cathoic Charities, Salvation Army and similar type of places.
I would think that the Virginia autism society chapters would be working with the Dept of ED within the state to change the options for services for families.
I am going to research this further and if I can find enough information write an article on it to let others know how different states are from one another.