Thank you, Lori.
I try to be gentle and patient with myself, but there are times when I feel like I will go crazy because I am so lonely. Sure I have pets, family, friends, co-workers, interests, and of course God, but I am in need of physical touch from a partner. My boyfriend awakened me to the importance of touch that I had been missing in my prior marriage. He and I were very tactile out of necessity, because he had pain in his neck and back on a daily basis. He enjoyed my massages and often gave them right back to me. Then of course there is intimate touch and gestures of affection between couples. I so miss all of that. He truly made me happy every day. Since he passed on my emotions went flat. I hardly feel anything except love for him and missing him.
I do have hope. I thought I would never want to love again because of the pain I have suffered time and time again, but I have changed my mind. I have asked God for help, and I've also asked my boyfriend to please find me another kind soul to love. This new man will never replace my very sweet and unique boyfriend, but I am confident that there is another man out there who is gentle and giving, and in need of a loving partner. I know for a fact that my boyfriend is indeed looking out for me and has someone else in mind for me. He has been "interviewing" other men, so to speak. I went to a clairvoyant/medium recently and my boyfriend came through strongly in the session and revealed this information (I will write about this experience soon on my forum).
I am excited and hopeful, even with the grief I am still working through. But I am hesitant even though I want to love and be loved again. I look at guys sometimes, sense their energy, and I am afraid. I don't know why. Afraid to get to know them, and afraid to get hurt again maybe. This is the most strenuous and emotional period of my life, a time of immense personal growth and understanding while dealing with a very painful event. It is not easy, but I hope something better will come out on the other side of this.
I know my boyfriend wants me to be happy. He wanted that for me while he was alive in the physical realm, and I know he still feels the same.
