Hello - Losing someone close is so difficult and until you have experienced it, you have no real concept of the depth of grief.
I have just recently become editor here and am still finding my way around a little. I want to tell each of you I understand where you are coming from but I feel I should explain my circumstances a little so it doesn't sound like I am just saying the words (if that makes sense).
My husband of 24 years passed away just over 6 years ago. He had a very short fight with leukemia including 4 lots of chemo and a bone marrow transplant but sadly lost his battle and the life support machines were turned off 5 months after diagnosis. Six months later I lost my mother.
There was a very long time when I wondered if I would ever get past this over whelming grief but gradually I realised that I was a little less sad and debilitated than yesterday, or last week or even last month.
Debbie, you said it is just a year since you lost your boyfriend. I understand that everyone grieves in different ways and times but that is such a short time. Give yourself time, it sounds like so much is happening in your life at once. I know it is very difficult with so much going on but try to take some time. Don't expect too much of yourself, take small steps and acknowledge every single one.
I so understand the missing of the closeness and companionship. Let yourself feel the sadness in those sad moments but perhaps take a small block of each day and choose to be happy. That sounds a little flippant perhaps, or even silly but it really does work and gradually, bit by bit, those moments become less forced and longer. One of the things I did was to scrapbook about our lives together. Of course there were many tears but through those tears there were also many smiles and lots of wonderful memories.
Maria - I am sorry for the loss of your mother. Losing one's parent is so hard and the end of an era. With time the feelings soften but remembering the fun times and the good memories is the best way to honor her memory.
Bringmeredwine - I can only imagine what you are going through, and I am so sorry. It is so sad that families are often the biggest problem when you need support. I am so pleased to hear you had supportive friends. Always remember that you were able to honor him by arranging everything how he would have wanted and that he obviously still acknowledged you in his life. Its sad your children and his family can see that you were still important to him depsite everything.
Its interesting some of you talk about perhaps finding a new partner. I am there right now - not sure if I want to but tired of being alone. I have spent the last couple of years in particular, finding the new version of me and am pretty content.