bringmeredwine and Laurie.....thank you for your condolences. It has been a hard road but with every day I am healing. And yes, it is hard to find support groups. Even the churches have groups, but they are for widows and widowers. My boyfriend and I obviously were not married.
bringmeredwine.....I am truly sorry for your loss. It matters not that you were no longer married to the man. You still loved him. My mother went through a bit of the same thing when my mentally ill father passed away years ago. My mother had to divorce him for her own safety, but when it was time for the funeral, some of his family was not entirely happy that my mother was there for us kids. We were all young adults but we wanted our mother there for support, and thankfully it was our decision to make, being the next of kin.
I do know that families can be greedy and cruel. I also know of more than one woman who has been hurt by her children, and the women pretty much regret having had them at all. I am sorry you were treated so poorly by your ex's family and also your own children. People allow money to make them mean.
I think you acted out of love and that is a beautiful thing. I hope you can find some peace and joy in your life.