[u][i]When he does reveal why this happened you'll have that "aha" moment of understanding and be glad you made that decision. I hope that decision is to let that nurse place that baby in your arms for the first time and feel your heart explode with joy.[/i][/u] thank you AppleBlossom for responding to the above, which is the type of comment that has been rattling me to my very core... the reason i posted here was to try and find a different viewpoint and perspective because the few people i spoke with about my pregnancy more or less think along the same lines. the first thing that was said to me when i confided in a friend was 'congratulations' which made me want to scream. i was not happy about it and what i really wanted/needed was to talk about my feelings - they were different than what they were 'supposed to be'. i was told that this was great and i should feel happy and joyful about this 'blessing', this 'miracle'. well, i'm 45 years old, the pregnancy was a complete accident and i am not happy about it at all. i tried so hard to feel good about it, to imagine feeling joy when this baby finally arrived, but i just couldn't. i was feeling so desperate and alone. the only people who didn't make me feel abnormal or strange were my husband and my therapist. but they are both men and i really needed to connect with women who maybe, just maybe could relate to what i was feeling. when i first posted here, i honestly didn't think it would amount to much. well, luckily i was wrong! thank god i found all of you... and all this incredible support. now i know i'm not a freak, i'm not alone and i'm not a bad person. my feelings have been validated and i'm at peace with my decision to not go through with the pregnancy. and i will be OK... to those who cannot understand how a woman might not be overjoyed at the prospect of having a child, I'm not angry or bitter. but it does sadden me because the same way many of us respect and understand how you feel i would ask that you respect our feelings and decisions as well. those who do not want children don't usually try and convince those who do not to have them. maybe you could return the favor. because believe me, it's not easy to be in my shoes right now. i cannot speak for everyone, but i know that this has been one of the most painful and difficult moments of my life. i too do not want to hurt any feelings or tell anyone they can't express themselves. i only ask we have mutual respect for each other. hugs all around...