BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids 45, MARRIED, PREGNANT BUT DON'T WANT KIDS

Agree with Solalux. Nicely said, Apple Blossom .

Yes, Apple Blossom- THANK YOU for that post. I didn't care for that one comment and you answered / articulated it WAY better than I could have.

*breathes a sigh of relief* I really didn't want to step on any toes, but that statement just wrinkled my nose and I was hoping I could approach it as tactfully as possible.

I also wanted to comment about how wonderful it is that some of you have had husbands/partners that have been by your side along every stone on the path. How very blessed you are to know what you do and do not want and feel comfortable and even joyous in your decision making.

Sandrake, please let us know how you are doing and keep us updated.

thank you! thank you, Apple Blossom!
I didn't care for that same line either. I am over here going, "that is something one of my estranged sisters in law would say" I wanted to reply but felt everything I drafted would come off too harsh. I really dont believe a nurse handing you a baby is going to turn your heart over.

I was also a bit uneasy with FaithFirst post...

Sandrake,
I read your article but had not had a chance to properly post. I think many others here have offered good advise. I can the only thing I can say at this point is to be true to yourself. drop us a line any time you want to talk.

[u][i]When he does reveal why this happened you'll have that "aha" moment of understanding and be glad you made that decision. I hope that decision is to let that nurse place that baby in your arms for the first time and feel your heart explode with joy.[/i][/u] thank you AppleBlossom for responding to the above, which is the type of comment that has been rattling me to my very core... the reason i posted here was to try and find a different viewpoint and perspective because the few people i spoke with about my pregnancy more or less think along the same lines. the first thing that was said to me when i confided in a friend was 'congratulations' which made me want to scream. i was not happy about it and what i really wanted/needed was to talk about my feelings - they were different than what they were 'supposed to be'. i was told that this was great and i should feel happy and joyful about this 'blessing', this 'miracle'. well, i'm 45 years old, the pregnancy was a complete accident and i am not happy about it at all. i tried so hard to feel good about it, to imagine feeling joy when this baby finally arrived, but i just couldn't. i was feeling so desperate and alone. the only people who didn't make me feel abnormal or strange were my husband and my therapist. but they are both men and i really needed to connect with women who maybe, just maybe could relate to what i was feeling. when i first posted here, i honestly didn't think it would amount to much. well, luckily i was wrong! thank god i found all of you... and all this incredible support. now i know i'm not a freak, i'm not alone and i'm not a bad person. my feelings have been validated and i'm at peace with my decision to not go through with the pregnancy. and i will be OK... to those who cannot understand how a woman might not be overjoyed at the prospect of having a child, I'm not angry or bitter. but it does sadden me because the same way many of us respect and understand how you feel i would ask that you respect our feelings and decisions as well. those who do not want children don't usually try and convince those who do not to have them. maybe you could return the favor. because believe me, it's not easy to be in my shoes right now. i cannot speak for everyone, but i know that this has been one of the most painful and difficult moments of my life. i too do not want to hurt any feelings or tell anyone they can't express themselves. i only ask we have mutual respect for each other. hugs all around...

Sorry, Cassie67. He's the only boy, 2 sisters. Indeed, he's definitely a keeper.

I feel every word you write, sandrake, I have been there, I had an unwanted pregnancy, was awfully depressed (not necessarily in the clinical sense), devastated, with a kind of desperation and sadness and horror and fear I cannot even begin to describe, and when I talked to people, they would come up with congrats and "deadlines" for happiness that I never managed to meet: "when you see the first ultrasound", "when it starts moving", and, my favorite (NO!!!!!!!): "when you see its little face". I remember crying on the phone with friends back home and everybody telling me it was the best thing that could have happened to me. People who knew my stand about children, but suddenly, found the opportunity (getting pregnant accidentally) to help me see the light. I have never felt so alone in my entire alive.
Why is it hard to believe that there are normal, well-balanced, functional human beings who don't want to have children? If people really could believe that, they wouldn't come up with all those magical transformation stories. Why, if you don't want a child at all, would you be happy to get one? As far as I am concerned, going through labor without wanting a child is not exactly a mood-maker.

Big hugs to you, sandrake.

thought i'd check in and say hi... and let you gals know the scoop. well, it's over. i terminated my pregnancy on january 29. i admit that it was the worst/hardest thing i've ever done but it was the right thing to do, for me. it all seems surreal now that it's over. yes i'm incredibly relieved and much more relaxed. my smile is coming back too... :). i wish i could say it was easy and not a problem, but that would be dishonest. despite the relief, i also have moments of sadness, a bit of regret and a whole lot of emptiness. i still wish the outcome might have been different - for example, i wish i were 10 years younger, or that i still wanted kids... i wish i could have felt differently about being pregnant and that i could have felt joy or excitement instead of dread and desperation. but wishing all these things is a waste of time and only makes the healing process take longer. it's going to take a while for me to get over this - as this situation consumed all my time,energy and thoughts for weeks, so now i find myself feeling a bit numb, a bit lost... i know it'll be OK and i don't regret my decision yet i do wonder why all of this came to pass... i believe that things happen for a reason so there's a lesson here, i'm sure of it. not sure what it is yet but trust that it will reveal itself in good time. i just have to be patient, which is not one of my virtues. i could not have come through this ordeal as well as i have without all the input and support i received from all of you. every single comment helped me, even the ones that i did not agree with. because when you consider all sides and then make a decision, you can feel confident that it was not one-sided. it was important to me to try and look at this situation from as many perspectives as possible, so i could weigh each one and see what felt the most comfortable. so if you're one of the individuals who posted here, once again, thank you, from the bottom of my aching heart. i just needed to get these thoughts out of my head and on virtual paper... so glad there's a place where we can do this. that's it for now... ciao...

sandrake: Be gentle with yourself. You made the best decision for you, and you will feel peace and happiness again in your life. You just need some time to heal now, in more ways than one.

I stand beside you. Big hugs