thought i'd check in and say hi... and let you gals know the scoop. well, it's over. i terminated my pregnancy on january 29. i admit that it was the worst/hardest thing i've ever done but it was the right thing to do, for me. it all seems surreal now that it's over. yes i'm incredibly relieved and much more relaxed. my smile is coming back too... :). i wish i could say it was easy and not a problem, but that would be dishonest. despite the relief, i also have moments of sadness, a bit of regret and a whole lot of emptiness. i still wish the outcome might have been different - for example, i wish i were 10 years younger, or that i still wanted kids... i wish i could have felt differently about being pregnant and that i could have felt joy or excitement instead of dread and desperation. but wishing all these things is a waste of time and only makes the healing process take longer. it's going to take a while for me to get over this - as this situation consumed all my time,energy and thoughts for weeks, so now i find myself feeling a bit numb, a bit lost... i know it'll be OK and i don't regret my decision yet i do wonder why all of this came to pass... i believe that things happen for a reason so there's a lesson here, i'm sure of it. not sure what it is yet but trust that it will reveal itself in good time. i just have to be patient, which is not one of my virtues. i could not have come through this ordeal as well as i have without all the input and support i received from all of you. every single comment helped me, even the ones that i did not agree with. because when you consider all sides and then make a decision, you can feel confident that it was not one-sided. it was important to me to try and look at this situation from as many perspectives as possible, so i could weigh each one and see what felt the most comfortable. so if you're one of the individuals who posted here, once again, thank you, from the bottom of my aching heart. i just needed to get these thoughts out of my head and on virtual paper... so glad there's a place where we can do this. that's it for now... ciao...