Hi Rosie,
Thanks for the reply. I don't get counseling but I have made an attempt to get it. I had an appointment on Monday that I've had for 6 months but I was unable to get my self up and out to get to it. I have been in a bad way for awhile. I had a little upset that put me in bed. I always have trouble during the holidays but I had an aunt come from California that I had talked to on the phone for months about her visit, how much fun it would be and I was really looking forward to it. However, she only stayed with me three of the ten days she planned to. The day after she got here she wanted to go shopping. I had really tried to get up everyday prior to her visit so that I could be more mobile and ready to go out and about with her. We'd talked about going to the movies and out to eat and then just hanging around the house so I thought I could do that. But shopping ........I'm not really good in crowds and hustle and bustle, ya know? Anyway......I Drove(which causes me to be very anxious), and after parking I said, 'I'm not to sure I can do this"..... My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, I was just freaking, ya know? She said to me, "Just take a deep breath and do it, quite being silly. Just get yourself together and do it, that's all you have to do". When I think about it now I am still at a loss for words......'get over myself', 'just do it'. Our shopping trip was cut short after I told her I needed to go to wait for her in the car. She was so [censored] but I was freaking out. I was just in a panic and trying my best not to make a scene.The people were starting to rush by me and my heart was beating so fast and I thought I was going to pass out. The minute I got out of the store, which I ended up running out of, I began to feel better. She paid for her stuff and came out. I was glad she took her time because it gave me time to collect myself as well as I could. She ended up going to my cousins for Thanksgiving and not calling to invite me. She called me yesterday to say goodbye and explained that she didn't call to invite me for Thanksgiving because she 'figured I couldn't stand all the people'. She said her goodbye and did ask if I was feeling better, and I replied, oh yes much better as I swallowed the lump in my throat and held back the tears I was about to release. I wanted to scream and yell at her but I couldn't, all I could do was wimp out. I guess I just can't,'just get myself together'. I need to quit ranting about it and let it go, which is why I decided to send this email. I thought it might make me feel better. Sorry about all the rantng........I feel so ridiculous even whining about it but she really hurt my feelings and it was such a shock, her reaction I mean. I thought she would be more .......I don't know , just nicer I guess. Today is my first day out of bed and I am feeling better. I wish I could have made the doctors appointment I missed. I can't even go out to get my mail so far so, I will just have to see what tomorrow brings. Thanks for listening.