Here is my story. . I have to get this off my chest. .
I'm currently 23 years old and when I found out I was pregnant we weren't "planning" it. . we just bought our first home in November and a week later found out I was pregnant. . we were SO excited. . so was everyone in our family. . so all through December I got to be a happy mother to be.. Christmas time was so fun because I knew next year I'd have a little baby to share it with. . the feeling of knowing you have a baby in you is just MAGIC. . I felt on top of the world every single day. . and so did Josh my fiance'. Unfortunatly I had a miscarriage on Jan 2nd. . way to start the new year huh? I had a prenatal appointment on Dec 10th and they figured I was about 8 weeks and I wasn't due to go back till the end of January for my first sonogram. . New years day I started spotting and called my doctor who told me if it gets any worse to go to the ER. I hung up with him and me and my fiance' went to the hospital. (I couldn't wait). . when we got there they sent me for 2 ultrasounds and a little later the doctor came in and told us we had what they called it I can't quite remember.. but there was no fetus.. but everything else.. the sac, etc was there.. So they sent us home and said I would have to schedule a D & C. Josh and I went home and talked and cried for awhile. .and then went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and still very little blood just spotting. . and then after I laid back down I felt funny so I went back into the bathroom and I was bleeding very bad. . I mean I never thought anyone would bleed like this down there. . We called 911 and they came and got me and we went back into the ER. . called our parents/grandparents. They admitted me and I stayed until the morning when my doctor came to see me. . they sent me down for 2 more ultrasounds and said I still needed to have a D & C. . I was scared.. I never even went to the hospital before this and never had any kind of surgery.. the nurses and doctor were so nice and supportive though that they made me feel alot better. A little later they took me down and I was put asleep. . everything went fine. .and a little later they sent me home. The next 2 weeks I was a nervous wreck, I kept thinking I was gonna start bleeding again bad like that night(but I never did). . just spotting here and there. . a little like a period from time to time. I went for my one week check up and started back on birth control (which I was on when I got pregnant). . and now I have started my first period since all of this happened. . and I keep getting scared thinking that something is wrong. . but I have been assured that what is going on is my body going back to normal. . I get so sad from time to time. . thinking of what could of been. . should of been. The thing that scares me most is wondering if I will ever be able to have a baby. . this was my first pregnancy and the one thing I keep thinking is that I am so afraid to try again. . Josh and I are getting married on October 25th this year. . and that has been keeping me busy planning etc. . and we have decided that after we get married and feel "ready" we will try again. . This time I will be obsessed with doing it right.. getting off the birth control. . no drinking when we start trying. . vitamins. . etc. . though in the back of my mind I know that doing those things doesn't gurantee me anything. . I just feel lost and confused all the time. . and I read how alot of people try again as soon as there doctor says it is ok. . but I don't feel that way and I don't know if that is wrong? I don't know. . I know this was kind of a rambling of different things. . but I had to get it out.
Best wishes everyone. . Alicia