I have been biting my tongue on this one, but decided to post:

Snyckers: I am so, incredibly sorry for your losses. Nothing could be more heartbreaking than the loss of the life you so wanted to bring into the world. You were very gracious in your post and very fair and non-judgmental.

What I kept stumbling over was "let that nurse place that baby in your arms for the first time and feel your heart explode with joy." That statement is one of the biggest statements that women who have chosen to remain child-free are battered over the head with day after day. I don't know how to say this without sounding absolutely mean, but it's an old, tired rationale, and more than a little presumptuous. It's a popular misgiving that the maternal instinct is, indeed, instinctual and that the undying soulful love of motherhood is made manifest and instant with childbirth.

You may not be aware of this and may not be able to relate to it in any way, as you clearly wanted your children and are in a forum largely populated by women who do (or did) not. I would hope that you get to poke around some of the posts a bit more and see how people, for the most part, feel about this concept of "instant love for unwanted child."

I'm happy for you that you have come through what sounds like some heartbreaking sadness to bring forth a healthy family. Most children should be so lucky to be so wanted and loved. I even had to come back and edit this to tell you, again, that I don't want to be mean, hurtful, or offensive to you or anyone here. But please, please understand that throwing that idea out on this board is just another sharp stick in the eye to the women who have already had to defend their decision too many times. I can't describe how wearying it can get.

I really hope I haven't made anyone mad. I just couldn't not say anything anymore.

Sandrake: God bless ya, luv. Thank you for posting here. You've given a lot of people the opportunity to share their experiences and know that there are others out there just like them. I wish you every peace and moment of health (in body, mind, and heart).

Last edited by Apple Blossom; 01/26/10 10:33 PM.