BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Some of these husbands sound very odd...

Misstalia - Thanks. At least that incident made me see him in a different light. Once I realized he did not truly understand me, I realized I was much better off without him. I then was able to move on. A few friends have said that maybe he thought if he threatened to end it, I would agree to have a kid. So, even at that point he may have still thought I would change my mind. Obviously, that did not happen. If that is true, it is kind of sad he would want to have a kid via ultimatum like that. Sammuel - Many moms also work outside of the home these days, some even earn more than their partners. Still, various studies show that even when both parents work, the mom does more at home. Moms also worry constantly about their children's well being, not just dads. The effects of raising children generally do not impact both parents equally. The workplace is one example. Mothers who work tend to get paid less and receive fewer promotions, because their childcare responsibilities often conflict with their work. Of course there are some cases where the father may be a single dad or stay home with the kids, but these are exceptions.

really interesting posts.
Sam , I see where you're coming from, but from my experience this is a completely outdated view.
ALL the women I know with kids went back to work after the few months maternal leave ( sorry, except people like my mother, and her generation, where the norm seems to be after school age, if ever ), and women do seem to bear the most burden of child rearing.

And please don't think I'm anti men, but in general, men are less mature than women.
I don't know wether this has been a growing up thing ie traditionally boys were spoilt, didn't do chores in the home, and were given greater opportunities for a working life, or if, well, THAT'S JUST THE WAY THEY ARE....;-D
So their focus when growing up was anything but kids and home .

Things are changing now, with equality etc. but here in Greece, the wheels of change are slow. they still have very old fashioned values, the difference being, divorce is huge now.
Women, who have jobs of their own outside home, are finally saying ' Hang on a minute....'

We've had posts before about how immature some of our husbands are, mine included, love him to bits, but omg.
His world centres around him, and I think that's the problem we all have at times.
If we REALLY want something - wether it's kids or whatever - the empathy and consideration we have for another ( however much loved ) goes out the window. Our wishes can blind us to everything else.

That's why such a strong emotion as love - they say it's blind, - because all sense of reason goes out the window, as the emotional roller coaster is all about how WE feel at the time.
afterwards, often regretting some things done or said. ( said it , done it, bought the tee shirt, a few times :-)

My point, as I've digressed a bit, is what many of you have said - if you don't want the same things in a relationship, then it isn't going to work.
The hard part is if you've been 'duped' in a way,( eg. the kids issue ) to commit to marriage, and then have the pain of splitting, and finding new love at an older stage in your life.
But, as they say, that's life. A bowl of cherries ? I think not.

For me that's the value of finding like minded people ( like yourselves, hoorah ! ) and appreciating those around you who love you, and love you back.
And if those who say they love you, but give you pain and heartache in an already unforgiving world... get out sister.
We have one life. try and get the best of it before regret and zimmer frames focus large.

MissItalia I totally agree he "should believe her".

BUT, and it's a very big BUT :-D It didn't matter how many times I actively encouraged my ex-husband to go out and see his mates (it's healthy after all) he couldn't believe I wasn't doing it out of some sense of obligation because his mum would cry anytime his dad was away for more than an hour!

Take how long a man has lived prior to knowing the women he marries, then double it, and that is the age he will be before you have a chance of getting through to him that you are not the same as all the other women he grew up with (sisters, mums, grans etc).

Indoctrination is fairly easy to do, a lot harder to undo!