BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Emotional Cheating

Does this mean we are now supposed to police our spouses emotions and thoughts, not just their actions? It sounds a little bit like I am expected to be the mind police for my spouse, or her for me. It sounds a bit like Orwell's "1984". Must my thoughts and feelings be as faithfully pure as my actions? My thoughts and emotions are my own I don't want anyone policing them. Nor do I want to police the thoughts and emotions of my wife.

Hi Craig58,
No that's not the context of emotional cheating I'm talking about. Of course, everyone has their own thoughts and emotions that can not be monitored..

The emotional cheating I'm talking about and have seen is when a spouse connects with someone other then their spouse, nothing physical ever happens, but they spend long periods of time communicating to the point where they feel that they are "in love" but since nothing physical happened - technically it's not the "normal" sense of cheating, but it's developing an emotional attachment in feelings that should be rserved for your spouse, but with another person.

I agree here.

No person can have their emotions and thoughts controlled. They are part fractions/components of the Soul.

However, if you are keeping physical "i's" dotted and "t's" crossed but emotionally you're pooling your energy elsewhere, whether it's porn, another person(s), an addiction, etc., that's energy that could have been better used on the attention of the relationship you're in, especially if it's waning in some fashion.

Now if there's an open agreement you do your emotional fixing, "digitally" or "office spousing", whatever and the other person can by all means do theirs, no guilt...that's an entirely different scenario.

Someone wrote once, for every downgrade you implement on your partner, there is someone else wanting to lift them up. For ever tear you make your love shed, there is someone out there waiting to make them smile and steal them away.

As available as everything is these days, there is hardly a shortage of any of these and once someone is emotionally taken in and cared for, thats going to be more of a threat than anything physical could ever be.

Elleise,
You described it perfectly!!!

Is a woman who is viewed as a Golf widow being emotionally cheated on?

Craig58, no still not quite it. It's becoming emotionally involved with someone who is not your significant other. Emotionally tied, having feelings of love or lust for someone other then your significant other and acting on it emotionally, but not physically. It's the emotional piece - not that you're out playing golf with a friend.

I think emotionally neglecting a spouse, be it for other people, hobbies or any other reason is equivalent to emotional cheating. This is because one spouse is cheating the other by neglecting to give them the emotional attention and support they deserve.

Ya,

I was going to say and this is my personal feeling or empathy rather, but when you've decided to marry or be in a committed relationship...that's something, it really is.

At least in my opinion, I look to my partner, just in general to make them feel good, care for them, share my day, etc. I don't really want another person to do this with, if I don't have to.

But when your heart enjoys someone and you're committed, but there's a vacant-ness there, it can, after awhile begin making you feel less valued. Even if you are already complete, because you want to see that spark in your husband's/partner's eye when they look at you, like they are glad they're with you and I don't feel it should go without saying. Anyone could stand to be reminded

I guess if someoen is adicted to a hobby, digital or whatever porn, social groups and especially other people, after awhile, unless you get your own fix elsewhere, your partner's views of what's important begins reflecting on you and what is probably the most dangerous thing is, lonliness...the companionship you went into the relationship to begin with.

i think emotional cheating is making an emotional attachment to others while you are in a relationship. even without a physical affection to the other person, having emotionally attached to someone else is can be called cheating.

This is a very interesting discussion. I wonder how I would feel if i was being emotionally cheated on. I will have to give that some thought.

I know of one marriage that ended after the spouse found out about emotional cheasting. And Taub, on the TV show House, just divorced his wife after she had an emotional affair.

I still don't know how i'd feel though. I would prefer to come first to my mate but i think it's reasonable to assume other people will fulfill things for him that I cannot.