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Navigaar, I am so sorry to hear your story of growing up. I couldn't help but chiming in. Every child deserves to have love. Of course, I'm sure you realize that your mother's treatment towards you had nothing at all to do with "you" but everything to do with "her." Your mother may not have had that nurturing instinct, but it surely doesn't mean that others don't. I have no doubt that you are a person worthy of love and respect, and it "is" something you can find. I hope you will work on allowing yourself to be open to that concept. Perhaps some therapy work - cognitive behavioral therapy to change your outlook, counseling, self-help books, emotional freedom therapy, etc. You might consider looking into the book, "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns. It's a favorite among cognitive therapists and can be bought used on Amazon for less than $1. It might help with slowly changing your outlook and overcoming those feelings are not wanting to get close to anyone. And, whether you believe it or not, tell yourself every day that you are a person worthy of love and respect... and say it like you mean it. Studies show that our brains start to believe what we tell them. :)

Last edited by DifferentKindofGirl; 05/28/09 12:15 PM.
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Thanks for that nice response to my post. I felt strange just throwing it all out there like I did. for sure I thought I'd get some flack for it.

I have been to many counsellors and also took psychology in college as my major JUST to try to understand all that had happened to me. it helped me a lot. I know it had more to do with HER than with me. I was just a kid TRYING to grow up with a monster. She was so nice to everyone else but me. And when I tried to tell anyone the way she treated me when we were alone, no one would believe me. It was very frustrating since with me alone she was a diffent person. Mommy Dearest times 10 kind of a thing.

Well, it's all over now. She has passed away. She always said when she died I'd miss her but I didn't and still don't. When she died it was like I was released from a prison.


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Navigaar, Wow, I can't imagine what you went through. I'm so sorry for that. Good for you for empowering yourself to better understand and cope with what you dealt with. Any chance you might look into cognitive behavior therapy or emotional freedom therapy? Many people get great success with both of those.

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I'm O.K.


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I've been reading this thread for a couple of days now, wanted to comment. I too hate most of motherhood. I love my kids, but am overwhelmed with the soul crushing monotony & routine. Ironically, I fought hard to have kids: 3.5 years of infertility treatments that almost didn't work. Our last IVF cycle resulted in a twin pregnancy I was able to carry to term. Our family was finally complete. My twins are now three, and I struggle every day to meet their basic needs in a loving manner. I am constantly grumpy, impatient and frustrated with perfectly normal toddler behavior. To add icing to the cake, I'm now 23 weeks pregnant. Doctors told us we'd never get pregnant on our own, much less with our own eggs, so I wasn't as careful with birth control as I should have been. I wanted to have an abortion, but my husband said "no way," so here I am, pregnant with a child I really don't want. I would give the baby up for adoption, but again, husband says no. To illustrate what a horrible person I am, every day I hope for a miscarriage. After battling infertility and having miscarriages I know what an awful, awful thought that is, but I can't help it. I am beyond trapped. Before I got pregnant I was able to look forward and see my twins growing to be more independent, but now all I see is that I have to start over with another baby at age 40. I'm exhausted all the time and it's only going to get worse. Every day is a struggle just to maintain & function. I spend a lot of time crying, and am not the mother I want to be to my twins. Their dad is a wonderful dad, but works 60-70 hours a week and travels a lot, so they're stuck with me for most of the time. I do have help from a babysitter 6 to 10 hours a week, but it never feels like enough. If I had the money, I'd have a full time nanny & let her handle the kids. Medication will be an option after the baby is born and if I wean early, but bottom line: a pill isn't going to change my situation. As much as I try to find options, there are none. This is my life and there's nothing I can do about it. I liked the earlier commenters saying to "bloom where you're planted," and I will certainly try to do so. It's not likely to work, though, when every day is a struggle just to not fall apart, much less have a positive attitude. I have so many things to be thankful for, it just makes me feel like that much more of a shitheel for not being happy. My kids & husband deserve better and I don't know how to give it to them. I hate my life. It all seems so hopeless. My poor kids.

Last edited by fluffernutter6; 08/04/09 10:15 AM.
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Fluffernutter6,
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. frown It sounds to me like much of it may be due to mental/physical exhaustion on your part and perhaps some depression as well? Perhaps this is all due to just feeling overwhelmed with everything. If so, then I'm going to throw you a rope that hopefully will help you to climb out! Have you heard of flylady.net? She is very helpful to women, especially moms who are struggling to keep it all together, and a lot of her stuff is geared towards children as well by helping them get involved and have fun with clean up, etc. Anyway, when you get organized and feel on top of things, it does amazing things for your sense of well-being! If you're exhausted, it's more important than ever to stay on top of things each day to avoid everything crashing down on you at once. FlyLady also has a radio show that you might enjoy.

Are you making sure to take care of "you?" To best take care of your family, you have to make sure you are also taking care of yourself. Are you taking time for yourself each day to just relax? Perhaps just 5 minutes, at different times of the day, of laying down to some peaceful music.

Do/Find things you enjoy. Make music a part of your life - music that you find peaceful, happy and uplifting. How about movies/tv shows that both your children "and you" enjoy? A short walk outside with your kids? Nature feeds one's soul! smile

Try to take in every moment - whether you think you're having fun or not, each life moment is a gift and one you'll never get back. Instead of thinking of the future or the past, try to be in the moment. Take everything in - the sounds, the smells, the colors around you, etc - and try to enjoy it. Remind yourself of what you're thankful for. Try to see the world through your kids eyes. smile

Exercising? If not, you can start with baby-steps - just 5 min. the first day if you want. Try to work up to at least 10 min of high intensity exercise a day - this is what's needed for the serotonin boost.

This link gives more tips on staying positive: What Keeps You Positive?

I hope things get better for you, and I'm certain that they can. smile

Last edited by DifferentKindofGirl; 08/04/09 02:34 PM.
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^ I also want to add that for music, movie soundtracks are soooo wonderful. There is such deep emotion and meaning expressed in them - perhaps you can connect to those same emotions while listening. If you're not yet familiar with these composers, you might try checking out a few of them on Youtube.com. Below are some of my favorites.... but there are lots of good ones out there! smile

Alan Silvestri
James Horner
Jerry Goldsmith
John Barry
John Williams

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I think my wife is losing her mind, and I don't know what to do. She is a stay at home, mother of 3. They are 6, 3 and 1. I work longer hours, but go in very early so that I can be home by 5:30 pm. She says that she just hates being a Mom, hates having someone hanging on her all the time, hates cleaning up after them, and I'll admit me sometimes. I try to help as much as I can around the house, I give the kids their baths each night, and put them to bed. I am not a clean person by nature or upbringing, but I've made some real strides over the last couple of years, and am trying to help. I've tried sending roses, cleaning bathrooms, encouraging her to go back to work, go back to school, but she calls me at least once a week in tears. It's upsetting because I want to help, but it's affecting my job. I don't want to be un-sensitive, but this is what pays the bills, and I can't take 3-6 calls a day to tell me what brats the kids are. It's hard for me to relate, because I love my kids, love spending time with them, and wish I could do more of it. I was hoping in a forum like this you might be able to help, or at least give me some ideas about how to make her life better. Thanks in advance.

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Being a SAHM is really difficult, as I know from experience. You never seem to get anywhere, as soon as some job is finished it needs to be done all over again, and there are always more things to do than you can handle.
Is there any way that she can get away from it all once in a while? Is there something that she would like to try, take an art or craft class once a week, anything that gets her out of the house and away from the kids for a couple of hours a week doing something she likes? Is there a club she can join, a group that she would like to be part of?
My sanity preserver was singing in a choir, the weekly practises got me out of the house and interacting with adults, doing something I loved. Those few hours a week made such a big difference in my life. I hope that your wife can find something that means as much to her.

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Originally Posted By: HowDoEyeHelp
I think my wife is losing her mind, and I don't know what to do. She is a stay at home, mother of 3. They are 6, 3 and 1. I work longer hours, but go in very early so that I can be home by 5:30 pm. She says that she just hates being a Mom, hates having someone hanging on her all the time, hates cleaning up after them, and I'll admit me sometimes. I try to help as much as I can around the house, I give the kids their baths each night, and put them to bed. I am not a clean person by nature or upbringing, but I've made some real strides over the last couple of years, and am trying to help. I've tried sending roses, cleaning bathrooms, encouraging her to go back to work, go back to school, but she calls me at least once a week in tears. It's upsetting because I want to help, but it's affecting my job. I don't want to be un-sensitive, but this is what pays the bills, and I can't take 3-6 calls a day to tell me what brats the kids are. It's hard for me to relate, because I love my kids, love spending time with them, and wish I could do more of it. I was hoping in a forum like this you might be able to help, or at least give me some ideas about how to make her life better.

Thanks in advance.


Oh goodness. I'm so sorry you're both stuck in this situation. I can somewhat relate to your wife. I have clinical depression and I'm currently a housewife and even without kids, the house chores and a husband can drive one mad. I can only imagine how hectic and chaotic my life would be if I had three small children on me. I don't think I would make it.

It's great that you help your wife when you can but understand something, her job is never done. She probably feels trapped and there's just no way out for her. She needs to feel free in a sense. If it's possible, perhaps she can find somewhere to go either every day or every week. Somewhere where other parents are to help ease her stress. Or give her a day out of the week to go out either on her own or with you. Or hire a babysitter if you can afford it. Any helping hand should improve the situation and ease her stress.

She desperately needs to de-stress. I'm sure you do as well, but it seems that's she's in a more desperate position right now. I just hope you can continue to be strong and supportive for as long as she needs you to be.

Understand that I'm sure your wife loves the children. She's just dealing with too much to be able to enjoy them.

Your wife could also be depressed. And that is going to take a lot of work to get over. Keep an eye out on her and her behavior since it may become destructive without you even realizing it.

I hope things are able to get better over time for the two of you. Please keep us updated.

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