To Needadvice:
I feel a little akward writing in this topic because I have never been abused in any way by my father, mother, husband or anyone else. But I would like to tell a story for you to relay to your friend.
My cousin was physically and sexually abused by her stepfather and when it came time to marry she chose a man who abused her verbally and physically. He was always telling her how stoopid she was even though she was the one with the college degree. When she was pregnant with her son, he pulled her by the hair up the basement steps because he wanted his dinner NOW. Once the children were born (a boy and a girl) he proceeded to terrorize them. I remember one time in particular when the father was 'wrestling' with the son, then about 10. He locked the kid up so tight it hurt him, but then he was accused of being a 'pussy'. Whenever the boy tried to release himself, dad just tightened up more. And the B-----d held his son like that for about 20 minutes. I was just a young teenager and I wasn't sure what to do. I felt so sorry for the boy but I just didn't know what to do about this because it was something I had never confronted before. My cousin yelled to let her son go to no avail. When he finally did let the boy go, the rage built up in this child was so very apparent. His face was red, he was crying and he was hurting. Plus the dad held him so tight that at times he couldn't breathe! I know that feeling of not being able to breathe and it is terrifying!!! Later when the boy was a young man, we talked about this incident. He remembered it very well because I had been a witness and he was embarassed. I confessed to him that I really didn't know what to do. I guess I was just dumb. This was in the 1960's and abuse wasn't really talked about as much as it is now.
My final words are to this woman: At this point the boy is in his 40s, dad and mom are in their late 60's, and the son will have nothing to do with either of them, the dad for his abuse, and the mom because she refused to help him, or get he and his sister away from the 'crazy man' as he calls his father. Your friend could end up losing her child if not as a youth, then later in life when the realities settle and the child understands what happened to him/her and the mother did nothing to protect. That is EXACTLY what happened to my cousin. My aunt didn't protect her from the stepfather and she held that against her mother. So why she continued with that mindset I just don't get. I know there were many other abuses because he told me about them in this long and weepy conversation. He didn't tell me anything about abuse to his sister, and she has never said anything but I don't even want to think about this. I am so very disappointed in my cousin because she never left the b-----d. She always felt she deserved the abuse. They are still together after 50 years of 'marriage'. My aunt, who I loved very much, is now dead and so all the stories are coming out. I am also disappointed in her. It is hard to adjust to the idea that a beloved aunt didn't protect her children.
TELL YOUR FRIEND TO GET OUT!!!!!! I'm sorry her family isn't speaking to her but perhaps it is because they know what he is. Is there a possibility that if her family, mom, sister, aunt would be willing to take her back? Sometimes people cut themselves off because there is nothing they can do, but if given a chance they would be more than willing to help out.
Good luck to you and your friend.
Last edited by Prairie Girl; 04/03/09 10:37 PM.
