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Joined: Jan 2006
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Solalux, you spoke every word in my heart! I am child free at heart with a child. I can discipline my daughter without breaking my heart. When I said "yieling" at her, I mean raise my voice, and I believe 90% of parents have done so.

I am just sitting here right now typing so she can goes to sleep. She just cried for some silly reasons. You know what is in my mind.. I am pretending I am by the ocean, and her crying is the wave, so I am calm and just waiting for her to calm down. Then I went over to wipe her tear, and said please go to sleep.

When she is a good girl, I adore her though.

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Jenny, I'm with you. I'm 22, and have a 10 week old baby boy. I HATE being a mom. I miss my body, my life, but most of all, my ability to be selfish. I had a child because I met the love of my life at 15, and he is the best man I have ever known. He is extremely family orientated, and if I hadn't had a baby with him eventually I would've lost him. I figured that if I was going to have children, I should do it young because I didn't want to risk the complications that can arise from having a baby to late (the younger you are, the healthier the baby is and the easier it is for the mother to recover - that's how it's worked for the women in my family anyhow). I also wanted to be young enough to have things in common with my child, and to be able to be physically fit enough to keep up with him. I thought it would be an easy recovery and that by 2 months I'd be fine. But I wasn't. I hemhoragged about 10 days after having him, and I've never been normal since then. I have bladder problems, back issues, knee and other joint pain, and pelvic pain, all as a result of the pregnancy. I'm also 35 pounds heavier than I was before I got pregnant (and I wasn't exactly skinny before the baby either), and I've got a ridiculous amount of stretch marks in the most horrible places. I miss having fun. I don't fit in with anyone anymore. I don't fit in with my mom friends because I'm not really a typical "motherly" woman (I'm not very good with kids, so the last thing I want to do in my spare time is go hang out with other peoples children), and I don't fit in with my party friends because I've got a baby. I can't really drink or do anything anymore, because I have to worry about this little life that is my responsibility. I hate it. I love my son, but I HATE what my life has become. I hate being a slave to his crying. I hate the lack of control. I feel so guilty for feeling this way, and that just makes me feel worse. I can't talk to anyone because no one understands. If I could take it all back, I would, and I hate feeling like that. But by FAR, the worst thing about this is the fact that I have to lie to everyone - tell them that I'm fine and I'm so happy, because I know they'd never understand and if I told them the truth, they'd judge me and critisize me. I don't know what to do.

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I was 36 when I had my son. I bleeded for 4 weeks (I almost missed the fact that I got back my period) I felt so weak that I couldn't hardly go up a flight of stairs. Everything hurt. Going to the toilet was an ordeal for weeks. Nobody tells you about this little "post-partum" side-effects!! On the bright side: after only 10 weeks bladder problems and pelvic pains are pretty normal and it is too soon to be back to your normal weight.
My son is 2 and, although I have no strechmarks or weight problems, I still have bladder problems and even worse, I have never felt sexual desire again.
I guess that when having a child is for you like a dream come true, then everything is all right, or at least you regard it as the price you had to pay. But when, like in our case, it was somebody else's idea of a dream, it is really annoying!
I feel grateful that I did not meet my wonderful husband till I was 33. He was the one wanting children, and although I hated the idea, I thought it would be a good thing in the long run, since everybody seems to be so delighted with theirs and I didn't want to lose him.

Last edited by Solalux; 04/03/09 03:45 AM.
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Just signed up as I felt I ought to add my voice. I have a beautiful 6 week old son but I wish I'd never had him. My life was great before - I was married but we were free, we travelled, had fun and had busy, exciting lives. My life has ground to a halt and I my husband and I both think that we've made a terrible mistake. All you ever hear is that having kids is the most amazing and wonderful thing that will ever happen to you but we both feel miserable.

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i always knew there was a conspiracy to reproduce. it's always men that told me to have kids. prob cause their wives do all the work! my aunts and uncles told me not to have children but i thought it was strange that they had more than one. i was stupid and listened to my biological clock and saw others around me having kids. my daughter is 10 months old and i do hate being a mom, regret being a mom and dreading the years ahead. it sucks for my career, social life and finances. her dad wants to keep her so we'll stick it out for now although in this economy who knows. jenny - you sound better. i'm happy for you and i'm so glad you started this forum.

Last edited by Madness; 04/03/09 07:54 PM.
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It's nice to know I'm not the only one... it's not like I don't love my baby boy (he is the cutest little thing), but I hate what has become of my life. Nobody does tell you about all the [censored] you have to deal with. I KNEW I didn't want kids, and I should've known that, but I listened to my mom and saw all my friends and wanted to keep my relationship so I sacrificed everything in order to do so. I wish I had listened to my heart... my only advice to anyone if they're undecided on having children, is to listen to YOUR OWN HEART! DO NOT listen to other people or how they feel or what they think. Do what's right for you.

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jasmincats- you're so right and what the bleep are we suppose to do about it now!

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Unfortunately, all you can do is suck it up and be the best person you can be. And there is joy in it, there really is. These creatures become little people and so very interesting over time! But yes, the men get off easy. A Daddy who plays with his kids once a week or makes them dinner every so often is a hero! If you are the mother, it is just expected of you. One time my ex took the kids to a school event (I stayed home sick) and everyone just ooed and ahhed over what a 'great' dad he was! Sheesh. If I take them anywhere it's just normal. See the scales are really unbalanced. We are expected to give up our normal lives while men continue to live theirs with relatively few changes. Our bodies and minds and lives change in a flash while men....not so much. It is hard for them to understand us, therefore. I am not bitter but I am sick of the drivel and pap being fed to women since birth that motherhood is the be all and end of all of our existance. I quite frankly would have been fine not having kids and the childfree women I know (and they are all in their 40's and 50's) sure aren't 'regretting' anything. Please. They are enjoying successful careers, socking their money away and preparing for a lovely retirement while I have to worry about each and every dollar. I am SICK of society's skewing the facts about motherhood!

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I have to say I did not get the "MOMMY GENE" either. I was 17 when I had my first child and my mom was not pro abortion at all. I didn't think I was either however, I do not think having a child young is a good idea. I think you end up resenting the child for everything. No one tells you all the [censored] you have to go through as a mom. I had gotton into another relationship getting married and having two more. Things seamed fine between the two of us. I thought we had it handled for the most part. Then he decided he wanted out. I think he couldn't stand the demands of the kids. So he left. Leaving me with now three kids that I have to just about sell myself to support. On top of that NONE of the kids give two shits about anything and waste everything!! I have to work all the time so I am not home to keep control of everyone so, I have a mad parent on my door step just about every few months. My kids hit theirs or broke something or whatever! I am in the middle of taking him to court to give up custody. Hummm Have you ever heard of that?? I agree that the lying to everone sucks because all anyone says when I fuss about life is "well at least you have three wonderful kids" That is like saying well at least you have those hemorrhoids in your butt! I feel like the life is being sucked out of me slowly and he got a new lease on life well I got stuck with the [censored]. So I guess what I am saying is that if you and your partner feel you have made a mistake act now! The older the child gets the harder it will be due to guilt of the child remembering you. If one of you hits that point and wants out, the first one out wins their freedom back. Then you will feel real pressure and resentment towards the child and the x.

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here's my sitch. i guess i'd eventually have a child then the hormones really kicked in late 30's got preg right away. i had given more thought about buying a sweater than raising a baby-child-teenager-adult. moved into a [censored] apt next to my boyfriend. was okay for a while and got with depression, regret, resentment and resistance. so now she's here. either: 1 i raise a child i don't want 2 leave her with the father who has a mountain of debt that i didn't know about 3 raise her together even if it's hard and she'll be disadvantaged compared to my peers kids 4 send her to live with my sister who is a teacher, very nurturing, wants kids and has agreed. however, the father won't let her go. 5 worst case scenario i believe my child is cursed. she is the first born of a first born mom, first born grandmom and first greatgrandmom and all our lives have sucked. i was never meant to be a mom and she's not suppose to be here!

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