Oh wow, folks.
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa. Did I ever go into that one blind. I totally romanticized this visit. I thought we'd do stuff, we would learn, cook, exercise, and be a family.
Oh. My. God. It was having a surly demanding clingy lazy houseguest. Exercise lasted 3 days before the pout-'n-whine fest. Getting her to do ANYTHING other than sit on her butt (computer or TV) was like pulling teeth. Prying her out of bed in the morning involved an alarm clock and three personal visits from her father, usually terminating with a raised voice. She exhibited clear emotional manipulation tactics. What was worse was the constant know-it-all opinions, usually involving "You should (spend some outrageous amount of money to "fix" whatever she thought was inadequate)"
By the end I was a screaming harpy to poor DH, who didn't deserve it. I flat out resented her presence, her neediness, her selfishness, her inability to do anything without being nagged. I dreaded coming home at night, and was glad when I got pulled into 12 hour days and weekends at work. I ended up in tears every couple of days because I was totally convinced I was a horrible horrible person for feeling this way, and that I was totally screwing up.
Good things: she *did* lose some weight - her clothes were "falling off" and she was down to 176.
I never told her what exactly I thought of her sainted mother, who I heard a lot about.
I tried (and who knows if I succeeded or not) to teach rather than yell.
I found out yesterday that her parents' marriage was less than a year old when she was conceived; That wasn't an agreement, it was an unemployed 20-yr-old girl announcing she wanted a baby, and she was throwing out the birth control. Yes, it was his fault for going along, but I was appalled. We've been married for over two years, and we're just now getting totally and completely comfortable with this marriage thing. We're improving every day. I can't imagine having the stress of a helpless baby added to our marriage now, let alone if we were young and broke and having problems.
I do feel bad for her. I certainly wish she would hurry and grow the hell up, and our personalities do NOT mesh well besides, but she's a sweet kid. And that's the hard part, too. She certainly does not *look* like a kid, and I kept expecting her to act and react like an adult.
Here's hoping I didn't mess her up *too* much.