BellaOnline Forums Relationships Single Life When do you love/hate being single?

Are you a morning person who misses sharing a cup of coffee with someone? Or a night person, who likes going out but find that dating can just be too expensive? There are certain times of the day that make being single feel more difficult. Sometimes you don't feel like having dinner on your own, and can't bear the thought of going on yet another ''let's get to know each other'' evening.
While there can be many things to love about being single (like the freedom to stay out as late as you want to, or, having more time for hobbies and personal interests), there may also be times when having all that ''free time'' can make you feel tired. What are some of the things you love/hate about being single?

I'm not single now - but I was for 20 years between marriages. I hated waking up alone. I hated evenings and weekends alone. After 20 years of prolonged periods with no dating whatsoever it became difficult and I seemed to be the only one alone. Sex alone isn't much fun either :-) I hated being single when I had repairs to do in the house which needed two people. I didn't link being single when I travelled. It isn't very romantic to watch a sunset by yourself.

When I think about it there wasn't much I liked about being single. I did develop lots of hobbies and interests and I travelled and kept really busy but these activites just filled the space I wanted for a relationship.

I've been single for many years, and without a SO for 3. I really love being single and never want to have a man living with me again! It was a tricky thing keeping my sweetie happy but not letting him move in, which he wanted to do very much. But I always knew that if he lived with me we would soon get on each other's nerves and come to a parting of the ways. We had 17 happy years until he died 3 years ago and I miss him every day, but have no desire to go looking for a replacement. He was one-of-a-kind!

I LIKE being alone, I LIKE waking up when I feel like it , eating whatever I want whenever I want to. I really like not having to clean up after someone else...been there, done that TOO much! I love travelling alone and I do a lot of it; I can start out as early as I like, stop to see whatever I want to, and never having to watch what I say or do to satisfy someone else.
Some of us are just meant to live alone, I guess!

I love being single on major holidays because you dont have the obligation of buying gifts (I'm not cheap, I'd just rather not spend my money on something thats not for me). I love being single when I see my boys getting into arguments or getting calls to "check up on them".

I hate being single when I feel like f*cking someone and I have to go hunting instead of calling up my girl and asking her to come over.

I'm so set in my own ways, i don't thing i would like living with anyone. I like coming and going as i please and not having to answer to any one. even when i was with my girlfriend i was always sending her home(which was just 4 doors away) but she would always say she was glad she had a home to go to. if i was to get into another relationship it would be a wine n dine me than bring me home lol. I like living alone
Rosie

I am a loner, too. I don't think I would want to stop myself in the middle of something I was doing to attend to someone else's needs.

Until I do - I know better than try to have someone in my life.

It's all a state of mind, while some people need to be with someone else, others enjoy being at peace with themselves. I, for one, love being single. Aside from going and coming whenever you want (without having to tell someone else or even excuse yourself, mind you), it is really nice to do things your way without having someone criticize you. If there's a mess or chores that haven't been done there's no one to be mad at but oneself; no bickering about who did the mess and who should clean it up.

Sigh...reminds me of Virginia Wolf's "A Room of One's Own"

I hated dating when I was single.

You are so right, dating was horrible. Almost all the time I'd get so anxious I wanted to puke. I'd think why did I say Yes to this date. Then I'd drink too much. (I was just trying to make him look better.)

I'm not single now i love dating.

ok dont laugh.. i've been single for less than 24 hours.. we broke up last night.. i'm not needy .. i just hate feeling alone. I think that is the worst feeling and pain next to sickness. the worst part is playing and replaying what was said over and over in your head. i get angry, i get sad, and i can't wait for this feeling to go away. then, reality hits you and you know it is for real. i'm not going to jump right into dating but alot of times that is just the distraction that i need to get my mind off of things. the worst thing you can possibly do is jump right into another relationship when you are still not over your last. you haven't gotten a chance to think about what you want and what you really don't want and you end up in another repeat relationship. single life isn't great to me, but it'll have to do for now.

I think the best thing to do right now is to stay busy. Go out and volunteer, or take yourself on a little holiday. But what ever you do, get out of the house and do something positive. Something that will take your mind off of thinking about the current situation.

Hate being single, not me

Can I answer this from the other side of the fence?

I'm on my 2nd marriage and have 3 kids (1 with Asperger's - my oldest).

There are times that I am very envious of the single life. I have so many people depending on me, it would be nice sometimes to be able to do things for me without having to pull out mjy little calendar book and having to cross-check 4 schedules; with mine normally coming in last.

I so want to go see the movie "The Happening" and nobody else in my family wants to see it, so I can't even justify a "date night" with my husband. If I were single I could go to a midnight showing by myself - and the only consequence would be - could I stay awake at work the next morning?

But, I know I am not a loner type person. So loneliness would definitely be the donwside. I think the "freedom" would wear off quickly for me - and I'd go searching for someone pretty soon.

Yes, loneliness is the downside, and having to do everything yourself, no one to share life with. I have tried getting out there, and it just hasn't worked out for me, and all my friends are married, so of course they have a circle. Humans need affection and intimacy, and shared interests and all those things.

Yeah, I have it made all right, I just have no one : p Lucky isn't it.

I've had it both ways several times and have been alone for nearly 4 years now. Believe me, I'd much rather be alone than in a sub-par relationship.

Let me tell you a story:
Last week I had a dream about my sweetie (we had been together for 17 years until he suddenly died) and woke up feeling so lonely and sorry for myself. I began wishing that I had someone in my life again to share laughs and gossip with. That very afternoon a strange car pulled into my driveway, it was a guy I used to date before I met my SO, and who I had blown off as soon as I met him. I hadn't seen this guy in 20 years or so, and time had not improved him. He stayed and stayed and I thought I'd never get rid of him. When he finally left I realized...Be Careful What You Wish For!

I like living alone (with 2 cats for company) I like eating what I want, when I want it. I like cleaning up after myself, or not. I like arranging things without having to get anybody else's OK. I like taking a trip if I want, to wherever I want, and never having to ask if it's all right, or having to stay home if Partner doesn't want to go.
So I have to do a lot for myself, well, what's wrong with that? I've learned a lot about home and car maintenance and that's a good thing. True, sometimes I come up against something that I simply don't have the physical strength to do, and have to beg a friend's help or hire somebody, but that's not too often.
One important thing is to develop a network of friends with whom you share interests by joining organizations that appeal to you and stepping up to help out. That takes care of a lot of the lonliness!

Living alone isn't for everyone, to be sure, but it is very possible to develop a full and happy life as a single. It takes work, but then so does a relationship!

I respect that, about the helping out, but I tried that, and it ended up in being used, and the situation was such a mess, my attempts to redirect things didn't work. Not to mention, you're just giving, you're not receiving affection or intimacy or anything else people need.

For me, helping out in groups was a more direct way to meet people and get to know them than just sitting in at some meetings. Of course, a newbie has to be sensitive to avoid stepping on toes on the one hand, and becoming a doormat on the other. And nobody says that you have to stick it out if you find that you just aren't a good fit with the group. Affection and intimacy take time to earn and you don't find them with everybody.
Good luck, I hope that you find what you need before long.

i hate being single when i see couple .

I am single after 16 years of marriage. I have two children & a few very good friends. I've decided that I never want to be in a relationship again.

I cannot bear the thought of all the doubt and worry and jealousy connected with his secret relationships. I would never want to go through the anger and fights his unhappy, dsyfunctional personality created. I would never want to clean up after a man who treats me badly again.

I enjoy my time, my space. I love going out to a movie with the kids and coming home to unlock a door only I have a key to, lights off, my house as I left it.

I enjoy Saturday mornings before the kids wake up, my lounge pants on, freshly-made cappuccino in hand, reading or watching something from a list of TiVO'd programs that only I have created.

I enjoy jealousy and anger gone from my life. I love that decisions are mine alone, without negative consequences stemming from someone else's differing opinion.

I, too, have found out amazing things about myself... I put in my new dishwasher myself, with only one phone call to my brother for advice. I can move furniture, I can organize my finances, I can indulge in interesting hobbies, I am an amazing, involved mother to my girls.

I like myself this way. And if I'm only 38, and if there are lonely years ahead (especially after my girls are grown & gone), I will deal with them. I'll find a way to make this life good, and rich. I have decided to, and I can do whatever I make up my mind to do.

Brilliant!! But don't wait until your girls are grown and gone before you start developing interests of your own. Take this time to discover what makes you passionate about the world and what you enjoy doing. Start developing your mind and skills now, and when it is time for your children to move on, you will be in a better space to move forward as well.
:-)

You're so right! And you're wonderful!

Laurie Ellen

I'm single and I really would like to find someone to love and that would love me too. However, I like being single because I can go where I want, and do what I want at any time I want without having to go on a guilt trip or apologize a million times. And I like being single because I can flirt with any guy I want to flirt with!

I pretty much love being single all of the time. Sure, there are those moments when I would like to feel a bit of tenderness... in the way of a hug or something. But that passes pretty quickly and doesn't happen that often.

I used to love being single, not having no answer to anyone, dating around, meeting people, reading in bed all day.

Now, I am tired of the same freedom, I want a sence of belonging, I want a home and a family. I need to know someone is there when I get home.

I have been single for 8 years now. I love it, but my daughter is still living with me, so I have company. We are both adults. We have put the mother/daughter relationship behind us and are now friends.
I don't miss married life. I love my freedom. I was married to a very controling person who dictated everything about my life.

The one thing I have learned... When you are married and taking care of so much and taking care of so many different people you're life is focused on others. There is no time to think about who you are or what you really want in life. Once I got over the pain of separation, I started focusing on my own life, and how I see the world.
I understand now why monks take a vow of silence and spend time alone meditating. I gained a lot of wisdom in the years since my divorce because I had the time and the silence to do that.

I have noticed that women my age (I'm 48) often choose to stay single after a divorce.
I like being single for all the reasons others have mentioned. Do I ever miss having someone in my life? usually if there is a large task that I can't do alone I think how great it would be to have someone with me. Sometimes those times when the day has been particularly hard I miss having someone I can just sit and discuss things with and getting a hug. Bu the dream isn't always the reality. How sure am I that I would get that even if I were married?
The times I enjoy being single is about 90%, the times I wish I werent... 10%

But I have always said... If you have a good mechanic, you don't need a husband

Bylen

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I was married for 10 years and in those ten years I felt more alone than I did being single..........and free!!! Nothing wrong with being single and being your own boss. I enjoy doing what I want when I want and there is nothing wrong with being single.

I wonder if how we feel about being single has a lot to do with the marriage we came out of? I know that I love being single mainly because I felt enslaved for 23 years. I was told what to do and when to do it. I worked all those years, but was told what I could buy and what money I could spend. I was not even allowed to make a late night run to the nearby convenience store for cokes etc, without permission.
So for me, I don't think I could ever get tired of being single. I will never get tired of making my own choices and decisions.
For someone else who is out of a marriage for a different reason, but the marriage was good for the most part, perhaps being single doesn't look so great.
Perhaps how we feel about being single has everything to do with the feelings we have about marriage. Whether it was a positive experience or a negative one.
I'd be interested in hearing others opinions about this.

Bylen

I'm like you Bylen - I married an older man that also told me what to do and when to do it.

He has been gone for 15 years and I am just now wanting a relationship. BUT - the Holidays are coming and that could have something to do with it.

Thats true Robin. I always get that way around the holidays. I still live between my in-laws. My ex sister in law is on one side and my ex brother in law is on the other. They are all very good to me and still treat me as family. I found a card in my mail box one day from my sister-in-law that said " You are the best sister". I cried.
I am asked every year to come have Christmas with them, but my ex is there with his new wife and I don't want to step on toes. My daughter goes and that night I sit home alone. It is the one day of the year I pout and feel sorry for myself because I can't be with those I love.
So I find myself questioning being single this time of year. For about a month I keep asking myself why I don't get out and find someone. It usually lasts through New years eve, but after that I'm fine.
The Holidays are usually the toughest part of being single.. so I'm changing my answer to that

I hated the whole idea of being alone. For a while I thought being single was the wrost thing in the world. However I am learning that being single is FAUBLOUS!. It's about getting to know yourself and falling deeply in love with the person you once knew and the person you have become. Rediscovering different persecptives about people and about yourself. The harsh reality of coming home to an emtpy home is takes some getting use to but in the end you make your own reality. One that surpass your past making your new reality a wonderland of joy.

Being single ROCKS! I say that today. I will hate it when I start craving affection.

Being single definitely does have its advantages and like you said, Dawn, it is lonely when you want affection or want to curl up on the couch with someone.

Vance, that's what dogs are for. LOL

I love every bit of being single, If i want to curl up with some one i'll get a cat!

No dogs are not for curling up on the couch with. lol. That is what women and men are for. lol

I think everyone has a different feeling about being single. I've was married the first time 22 years, I fell out of love with my ex. Married second time. My second husband died 8 months after we were married. Deep inside me, a part of me says I'm done with marriage. I didnt say NEVER. If I should happen to fall in love again later, I wont get married again, instead, I'd rather have a companion. There is nothing wrong with that. Its nice to have someone to go out to dinner with, go see a movie, travel or have someone to snuggle up to. There isnt a committment there either. I'm enjoying my single life at this point and loving my freedom. Im very independent and don't see the need to marry again. I dont feel lonely right now. My family are here so I keep busy with them and friends. In time, that all may change. But it still doesnt mean i cant have a companion.

Hope this makes sense.

Julie

the best thing I love about being single is that U can act on ur own. u can do what u wanna do without asking permission on anybody... u can enjoy and have no limits on what u can do...

what i hate about being single in the other hand is "PEER PRESSure" u know when ur friends would ask u when will u get another boyfriend for the matter....
and wen going out with urs peers knowing that u r the only one who has no partner...geez... i dont know if i can endure their teasing...hehehe





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I agree with you on the peer pressure part. I dont like people hounding on me when its time for me to date or find a partner. I lost my husband 3 years ago.. I'm not ready to date. I simply tell my friends or coworkers, I'll find one when I'm ready. My loss is still fresh for me to think about another man. I was married to him for 8 months. I dont need another man right now. Maybe later down the road, but I have to heal first.

I love being single right now because I love having my freedom. I can come and go when I please. I dont have someone to tell me how to live my life. Yes, sometimes I feel lonely when I see other couples together, but I get over it quick. I cringe when I think about being with a man right now-lol. I loved being married to my husband and dont get me wrong about marriage. I loved it, but now, its turned my life around and its about ME now. What I want to do. I'm very independent.

Good luck to you in your future.

Julie

I have found very interesting and sad to read so many messages from women who feel liberated being single because they were in such terrible marriages.
I was 33 years old when I met my husband, and except for some occasional very short-lived stories, I was always single. I am only 38 now, so I still can say, I was single for most of my life. I had no problem spending time alone. I have lived with roommates, I never had problems with my them, they are still friends, but the 4 years previous to meeting my husband I lived alone and I loved it. I loved the cosiness of coming back home to my very own home, finding everything where I left it, eating always my favorite meals, the freedom to live the apartment in the middle of the day because a friend would like to drink a coffee somewhere... And if I left the kitchen in a mess I didn't have to justify myself in front of anybody!!
Of course I missed something sometimes (especially Saturday nights). I traveled alone a lot and had fun and met people who are now in my facebook :-)) but it is nice to share what you see. Not to mention, backpacking and sightseeing were fine for me but beach holidays alone... no way. As for sex, I have done one night stands, but it is not really something to look forward to or be proud of... On the other hand, I didn't need 24/7 company as so many people do and I did not want to have children at all, so I used to say that I wanted to have a man just for sex and traveling, it is an exaggeration, of course, I must admit I like to provoke with my statements :-)). Anyway, with the years you are so used to living alone that you cannot imagine sharing your life.
When I met my husband, it was love at first sight for him, but not for me. I was too cynical. I fell in love eventually, had a two year long distance relationship (2 hours flight every second weekend)with short periods together, and only when I was 100% sure that we complemented each other pretty good and that my life would be better, we moved in together and got married almost 3 years ago. I love him more than ever, we respect each other we are very different, he is the sensible one who wants to have it all figured out, I am the crazy unconventional type: our differences have caused fascination about each other but also arguments and conflict in our relationship, but we managed to talk everything out and work it through. And we trust each other and we are best friends.
What I mean to say, I thank all the years alone, that gave me the time, distance and strength to know myself better, my needs and what makes me happy. I don't want to know what my life would have been like if I had ended up with some of the guys I used to like when I was 18 or 21 years old!

I also must say that I LOVE the freedom that so many others have mentioned. The freedom of movement, space, association. In the brief and few relationships I've had, it wasn't long before I started to feel cramped and held in and I'm at the point where I feel like if there's someone out there, I'll meet him at some point. I'm not going to worry about it rush it. I've got LOTS to keep me busy in the meantime. However, sometimes I just wish there was someone else to do things now and then. How I dream of having someone else stop at the grocery store after work or feed the cats so I don't have to worry about when I'm getting home. It would be nice to have an extra set of hands now and then or maybe someone just to bounce ideas off of, but I've managed all this time. Sure, I miss someone to snuggle up with at times,but again, maybe he's out there and I just haven't met him yet. There's enough stress in my life right now just worrying about getting the bills paid and keeping a roof over my head. I don't think I could handle anyone else in that space right now, anyway! Que sera sera!

I was in Florida and have a sunburned back.

I really hated being single last night when I needed lotion rubbed into my back.

See? That's what you get for going to Florida and not taking me with you. lol.

How was it there and where were you?

I was in Daytona for bike week. It was 82.. not a cloud in the sky. I used sunscreen but only where I could reach. I have tan lines of my fingers on my back. LOL

Forgot to mention how much I loved being single while I was there!

Having been single for most of my life, I would definitely say being in a relationship is much better. Then again, it depends on the kind of relationship you have. People often stay with someone out of fear of being alone which is the worst choice you can make. Nobody likes going to sleep and waking up alone, and sharing even the simplest things in life with someone else is something we all need. Perhaps an advantage to being single is the freedom to decide what you want to do and how to spend your time without making all those small/big sacrifices. It's also fine being single when most of your friends are too and you can have fun going out, but when you feel like the last single person then it can get a bit depressing..

Hi Christiana, Welcome to the forum, We hope that you enjoy your stay.
As for me i like being alone, And i love sleeping and waking up alone.
I have married friend, single friends, and friends that are in relationships, I like my life the way it is.

I sometimes like being single -- been a widow since the end of January 2000 -- and sometimes I don't like it -- when I need someone to do something for me I can't do, such as put eye drops in my eyes when I had eye surgery. The best thing about being single is that I can save money and not living paycheck to paycheck -- my husband was in charge of the money, like I learned as a child from my parents -- he wasn't good with money -- I have more money now than at anytime in my life and yes, I live in a low-income elderly place where they charge by income and provide the water and trash services -- but too, I don't have a TV and no car, since it was costing me money to get it started since there was a major problem with it -- I miss it, since I have a walker and can't use the bus service which is available to those who can walk and climb steps. The worse things about being single is there is no one to travel with -- my husband did all of the driving, he carried things for me, since I was crippled and now use a walker -- there is no one to take me places, like out to eat, unless I call a cab -- there is no one around in case I get sick -- I have a daughter who lives three hours away and seldom comes up and my mother lives at the opposite end of the state than we do, which means I seldom ever see her, unless my daughter is willing to take me up and I pay the bills for the trip. Also, there is more income for those who live on Social Security or even Social Security disability if there are two people in the house. I can't see my life changing to being a part of a couple, since no man wants a crippled wife at my age and no way to meet them if they were available either. Donna Werhan donnaw@kans.com

Sometimes I'm fine with being single but lately it seems all the people I know are either in serious relationship's or are getting married and having their own families. I'm twenty-six and have never had a relationship because I used to be very shy and couldn't ever talk to boys and the one's who liked me in the past in high school I never took seriously because they were opposite of me (they were popular/preppy and I wasn't). I'm wanting to date now but it seems because of college and my career goals it's not meant to be. :(

Perhaps it is just not ''meant to be'' at the moment. It seems with college and career goals, you may be too busy for a full-time relationship? Or, maybe you are being a bit hard on yourself, because good relationships take time to nurture. Being friends with someone and getting to know them before starting a relationship tends to make the bond a bit stronger. I'd say, continue concentrating on your college work and goals and the right person will come into your radar screen while you are looking the other way. :-)

Not really that a hater.. But I do love being single. I enjoyed every minute of it, without somebody telling me and requesting me not to do a thing, or even preventing me to do what I love doing. And I guess, at a young age of 24, there are still lots of things to be done, for my own enjoyment and at the same time to help my family as well. And being with friends now, is what matters for I hear lots of feedbacks among married couples especially gals, that better prepare yourself with that. ____________________ "My success was unexpected, yes, but not accidental." from [url=http://www.dressup.me/]dress up games[/url] and [url=http://hair.dressup.me/]hair games[/url] society, Philippines

Oh I used to love being single. I don't think I'm really the marrying type but I fell hard for my husband and he melted my heart. I don't regret marrying him because he's a great hubby but there are so many things I miss about my single life. Not cooking for one thing. Going out wherever I wanted whenever I wanted. Doing simple things I enjoyed without having someone looming over me. Or just sitting home, being lazy without anyone there to judge me or ask, "What's for dinner?" e_e

I always tell single women to enjoy their single lives for the time being. Marriage can be great but being single also has it's positives. Enjoy it! Discover yourselves and in doing so, your future spouses will be much happier because of it.

Maybe i shouldnt be writing here since im still so young, but, when your so young and still in high school, i think thats one of the most drama filled, crazy people infested life with the most vulerable heart, that can get broken.I like being single, i never have to deal with disappointment, but i hate being single too because no one looks at you with adoring eyes, or always having no one to say i love you. I think this drama in high school is the same thing as what grown ups go through too.A tip for all of you, be yourselves and theres someone for everyone, and if you act like yourself you WILL find your someone!

chica13801 you are blessed to be so mature at such a young age... yes, you're right. I'm almost 60 years old and it is the same drama with different players. The crazies will always be there LOL! No worries though... you will get better at handling them. I have learned one thing though.. every phase in my life has been preparation for the next phase. Focus on living your best right where you are and when it's time to move on you'll be ready. I have been single for 20 years. Wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Every morning I still awake expecting a man with beautiful eyes to show up brimming with I love yous! And if it doesn't happen, I still had fun. The best is yet to come!

Just found this site and want to add my 2 cents. I love being single. There is no one expecting me to clean, do laundry, cook etc while they surf the tv. I spend or save my own money and no one to tell me I can't afford to do something while they spend money at the race track. If I don't feel like cooking I can order out, or eat out reasonably without someone ordering like we're Rockefellers. The only time I miss haveing someone around is when I'm really down and need a hug. Sometimes my kitties provide comfort but sometimes they don't. For me being single is the best for me right now.

I am single and I love being able to do things when you want- go for walks, sleep late and I have a dog and cat I still try on line dating from time to time but I am not on the search for a mane

Being single is great. You have more freedom. You don't need to compromise anything. You can date anybody when you want. Bad thing about being single is you get lonely from time to time.

I got married at the age of 32. Most of friends were already married and having children. I had close to a fairy tale wedding and thought because I was 32 that we would stay married. We didn't. We were married a little over 6 years. Prior to getting married I did a lot things by myself. Things didn't change much when I got married. We drove to church separately and on the rare ocassions when we hung out at friends' together we went separately. I enjoy spending time with me. I long for a marriage partner most when I walk by the lake and I see couples holding hands.

I love being single because I'm free to do whatever I want . I am a bit of a commitment phobe . I do feel lonely a lot though and feel my life is empty . I am looking to be with someone not for marriage/serious relationship but just for some fun and to make me lighten up :)

I heart you guys! I love being able to say and do exactly what I think without it getting on someone else's nerves. I love the ease of being with good friends, and then on my own.. and not having my schedule depend on someone else. I love that I'm sitting at my computer at 2:30 am and its not going to inconvenience anyone. I love that I can stay at home and enjoy a quiet weekend. I love that I can fill my full bed.

I don't love anything about being single. At this moment, I think it sucks TBH. I miss having someone there to share affection with, just to feel wanted.

The thing is, if you're in a relationship (and don't have children) you should be able to do whatever you like anyways to a certain degree. I think lonliness is the biggest problem in today's society.

[quote=Cy_Single_Life]Are you a morning person who misses sharing a cup of coffee with someone? Or a night person, who likes going out but find that dating can just be too expensive? There are certain times of the day that make being single feel more difficult. Sometimes you don't feel like having dinner on your own, and can't bear the thought of going on yet another ''let's get to know each other'' evening. While there can be many things to love about being single (like the freedom to stay out as late as you want to, or, having more time for hobbies and personal interests), there may also be times when having all that ''free time'' can make you feel tired. What are some of the things you love/hate about being single? [/quote] Some times i enjoy being single. But most of the times it's like a punishment..then i go for online dating sites which helps me a lot.