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Shark
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OP
Shark
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 359 |
I would like to say about myself. If I personally do not love a woman very deeply , I would not even touch her, forget sex.
Coming to what Hollyelsie has said it has surprised me to know that most men she met were only looking for sex. If this happens in USA, I can not blame other third world countries for the attitude towards women.
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Koala
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Koala
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Joined: Oct 2007
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Shark
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OP
Shark
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 359 |
I am talking about the attitude of society towards women in countries such as Pakistan.
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Koala
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Koala
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I didn't say that very clearly. Not 'only looking for sex' but they'll try to get it if they can. Some men will behave rudely, most men will not be rude. But many will test you on the first date to see if you are "easy." I can predict i will have to indicate no to not making out on most first dates. For some men i have to keep saying no multiple times a night which definitely turns me off that man. He will not get a second date because he doesn't hear and respect me.
Also, when i was young, there were several times i had to physically fight with my date to prevent date rape. They probably could have overpowered me had they decided to, but I should not have to literally PUNCH them and fight with them to get them to observe no, now should i? And several times i did. This is why i believe EVERY woman should learn self defense techniques. It only takes one bad guy to really mess up your life. Those of you who have daughters... please sign them up for classes at your local Y or community college.
I think i got a little more harassment than most women, though all women get it. Part of it was my figure which i couldn't do anything about, and part of it because i have long hair, which i didn't want to give up. I've talked with other women with long hair, some who later cut it, and we're absolutely convinced it attracts more of the disrespectful men who envision being dominant. Part of it also i bet is my manner. I can appear passive.
People who don't know, wonder why i don't enjoy dating. There are some really wonderful men out there... they are gentlemen, and pals, and make great husbands. I just don't tend to meet these guys on dates. And the few out there who are real ______ , ruin the experience of dating and make it unpleasant and on rare occassion, even down right dangerous. Unfortunately, you can't tell them apart from chatting with them online or looking at their picture. Dating feels like playing Russian Roulette. You never know what you're going to get.
Last edited by hollyelise; 12/11/07 04:13 PM.
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Joined: Jul 2007
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Gecko
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Gecko
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Posts: 725 |
Holly
I think there are still good men around, just hard to find. The harrassment you dealt with was never your fault. Boys need to be taught self control when they are young, and I think that will help.
I used to work for a man. It was just him and I in the office. After a few months, he started making comments that were unwelcome and uncalled for. I don't him flat out that he was being rude, I didn't quit the job, because I really needed the money. One day he said he had tickets for a concert and wanted me to go because his wife didn't want to. I told him no, and he said he would pay me and take me to dinner, he just didn't want to drive alone. I said "Hello? an I a prostitute now?" He laughed it off. The next day he mentioned it again and when I told him I wasn't going, he stopped talking to me all together for 3 days. It was about a week later that I quit.
The worst part about that whole situation? This man is my neighboor and I was best friends with his wife (can't imagine what he told her). My husband was relieved when I left that job because he didn't want to have to hurt the guy.
I found out a couple of years later that he had started quite a few rumors about me. I try not to hate anyone, but there is no love thy neighbor in this case! Just telling you guys this story tensed me right up!
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Koala
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Koala
Joined: Apr 2007
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Hollyelise-
You said-
So I admit i can't personally relate to Haridas' position on sex. Sexual release can be had by masturbation just as well. If you're talking about biological needs... the body doesn't know the difference between orgasm alone or with someone. Both equally release tension.
any scientific proof for this?
How about bodies being touched, smell, etc.? I misunderstood your position, i can see that now. Touch is a human need... a primate need. I remember reading about research with baby monkeys, and i think the Skinner-box children also. Babies need touch to thrive and i think adults do better when they have it, too. But it doesn't necessarily follow that the touch has to be with sex. I will see if i can find research to support what i said about orgasm with sex vs. masturbation. Intimacy in the broader sense of the word, is one of my strongest needs, far more than sex. I thrive when i have it, i shrivel when i don't. I'm going to try to remember... "The Six Human Needs"... security, change, connection, ... i'm not remembering, i'll have to look it up. I remember i heard it on an Anthony Robbins lecture, but the original source was someone else. But what i call intimacy would be "connection." Many people have experienced being around others but feeling disconnected... you might be living with family, for instance, but feel lonely. Or in a group and feel like no one understands you. This would be lacking connection, or what i call intimacy. It isn't a sexual thing. It's just feeling connected with others and communicating well or not even having to communicate because you understand each other. I know cardioloists now are agreed that this aspect greatly affects heart health and longevity. "Calling a friend" has become a standard part of the treatment of heart disease, because it has that much of an impact. Humans need this. I think particularly because of my earliest years of life, and also because my personality is different (i'm in the smallest category of personality types on the Meyer-Briggs model)... finding intimacy plays a larger role in my needs than it does for most people. Sex i can survive without, but intimacy i greatly need, and it is too often in short supply. What about the rest of you? How do you feel about your need for connection?
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Koala
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Koala
Joined: Apr 2007
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Hollyelise and others,
I have read your opinions with deep interest and respect. Tell me then what kind of women go for casual sex? Those looking to make big in career and having no time to develop relationships? The only women i have personally known who are casual about sex are either very young and from a liberal metropolitan area where most people in their community have very liberal and unpersonal attitudes about sex (for instance, college students from New York City), or they are former victims of rape or sexual abuse. I have had at least three friends who were victims of rape or sexual abuse who became very promiscous in their young adulthood. For them it was more like a sexual addiction, and relieved tension for them. Intimacy with someone of the opposite sex, however, was nearly impossible for them for at least a decade. Now in their forties (actually one just turned 50), two of them have married in the last five years and one of them has been in a lesbian relationship for ten years. All of them have quite a different position on sex now. They see monogamy as the goal, the evolvement of their self, the indication of their healing. D put it this way to me once: "The more sex i have, the more it dilutes the importance of the rape." This is one reason why i don't judge people for being promiscuous. You don't always know, in fact THEY don't always remember, if sexual molestation was in their past. Promiscuity in some cases is a coping mechanism. Each of these three women i know who used to be promiscuous are dear, decent people. I wish you knew them so you could see. They are all very caring, kind human beings. All very intelligent and educated. Sleeping with many partners and even strangers was not a matter of their having loose morals, but rather a reflection of the great pain they had inside from traumatic experiences. I think in some way it helped them regain a sense of having control.
Last edited by hollyelise; 12/11/07 05:01 PM.
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Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 725 |
I personally know a few women who had casual sex after a divorce, or bad break up. I don't know anyone who had casual sex to advance their career, Haridas you may be watching too much tv lol. Also, I think Holly is right, in metropolitan areas I think casual sex is more popular, but I live in the woods, so I don't know lol.
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Koala
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Koala
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Posts: 2,209 |
ok as a massage therapist human touch is VERY important to all amimals. it relaxes and connects us to others. there was a study dont years ago that if a baby is never touched other then being bathed and changed.... but never held they will die! it children are never held and touched in a good way they develop attachment disorders and other mental and emotional problems. as adults if we have no physical contact with others we become with drawn and unable to relate well with others...disconnected.
with that said we can live just fine with out having sex with others our bodys do not make a destintion between masterbation and sexual inter course.
But the brain does make the connection in MOST men and women. more so in Women. weather that is a social taught thing or a biological thing i dont know...
Sex is easier then love. Sex with out strings is appealing to more people these days because women are tired of the bare foot and pregnant homemaker roles of the past that make us into nothing more then a brood mare. and we are tired of it being ok for a man to cat around on his wife, girlfriend, or getting away with rape because boys will be boys!
Men of today are confused because there is no clear cut guidelines in dateing and marrage.
but SEX is SEX!
I think use to a women depended solely on her husband for everyneed and now we can drive, work and choose. that means we can go where we like have our very own money and do what we like.
but men have not figured out what to do with us because they feel like they are not wanted. we can talk to friends have sex with any one and we have money and can live on our own so why marry?
this is in POV why the raise of casual sex... the problem is that most women still want love and friendship with the sex and most men dont they are happy with sex any where any time and any place! I think they love this day and age because sex is everywhere and it is free!
I dont however like this fact because for the women how want the husband and long term commetment it is hard because if you are not one who puts out then the man will find someone who will and never think twice about you....but it does weed out the A$$ holes.... I agree with most of what you said, freebubbles, and you made a good point about many women now having the economic freedom to be independent. An independent woman only has to clean after herself, whereas most married women, even if they do have a career, still tend to do the lion share of household tasks and child rearing. The one place where i depart from what you said is when you said, "most men dont they are happy with sex any where any time and any place! I think they love this day and age because sex is everywhere and it is free!" I think men wanting sex any where, any time, any place, is the way mother nature pre-disposed them to be. The sexual burden to procreate is hardwired largely in the male, in most species. But this doesn't mean that the average human male is a slave to this biological drive. Men are more than solely sexual beings, just as women are. I know that many men crave long term companionship with one woman. I also have male friends who are quite capable of maintaining friendships with women without sex ever entering into it. Nature hardwiring men (and to a lesser degree women) to procreate may cause a challenge at times for us to remain in sane control of our libido, but i think most men (over the age of 25 perhaps) would prefer long term companionship to sexual free-for-all.
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Koala
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Koala
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Posts: 2,209 |
...then again, there seem to be a few men (and women too) who would have it both ways if they can get away with it!
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