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Posted By: haridas Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/04/07 01:35 PM
I read in the newspaper today that Sex , dark Chocolate and Cold meat are very good to keep the mind alert. Sex is very good to keep mind working in later age.
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/04/07 04:56 PM
Mozart used to dunk his head in cool water when he was trying to think better. Everyone thought this was crazy, of course.

It wasn't until a couple hundred years later that researchers learned our brain thinks most clearly when our head is in about a 50 degree Fahrenheit temperature.
Posted By: Sue Early Childhood Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/04/07 07:03 PM
Holly, the cold water theory is interesting, but if I had my choice on ways to keep me thinking better, I'd choose Chocolate!! LOL
Posted By: freespirit Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/04/07 07:19 PM
I'd choose dark chocolate and sex!!! Dark choclate covered sexy husband......daydreaming............mmmm..........drooling.....what was the topic again?

lmao
Posted By: Sue Early Childhood Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/04/07 08:24 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHA! - Now you have me daydreaming!!!
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/05/07 04:56 AM
Originally Posted By: freebubbles3
I'd choose dark chocolate and sex!!! Dark choclate covered sexy husband......daydreaming............mmmm..........drooling.....what was the topic again?

lmao


How about cold meat?
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/05/07 04:59 AM
The newspaper report made no comment about love. Only sex. Does that mean that if I have a friend for sex I will get benefits? I think so. What do you all say?
Posted By: Sue Early Childhood Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/05/07 02:05 PM
I am guessing it is just sex. Sex releases endorphans to better your mood also. I personally wouldn't have sex without love.
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/06/07 05:42 AM
If it is done mechanically or like medicine?
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/06/07 11:20 AM
I am also very hesitant about sex without love. I read an article about friends who are only for sex. Why those people are perfectly happy with it? Is it because we do not allow our body to be touched by friends? but we allow all liberties to our mind?
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/08/07 06:28 AM
Today another report appeared saying that sex is more imp. than money for happiness.
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/08/07 06:56 AM
Most of us say that I will not have sex without love.

How many of us get partners who we love?
How many stay in the relationship?
It is all a dream for most of us.
We are deprived of much needed sex because of these ideas.
Can I get inputs from all of you?
Posted By: Sue Early Childhood Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/08/07 03:24 PM
I have been married 22 years and I love my husband. Yes it is difficult, but not impossible. My mom was divorced when I was 2, so I take my vows very seriously, he would have to cheat on me or do something really bad for me to end this relationship.
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/08/07 11:02 PM
But Sue, you're not saying you don't love him are you? I think what you mean is you're not in love with him, right?
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/09/07 04:28 PM
Sorry, Sue... i didn't read your post right.
Posted By: freespirit Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/09/07 04:49 PM
"I love you." I think love is a verb you have to choose to love someone everyday forever not just one time and it last for ever!.... the falling in love feeling fanicsy never last because it comes and goes or just goes because when the hard times come... feelings and emotions change but commentment last longer! or at lest it should.....

Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/09/07 06:35 PM
haridas, i think most people, but especially women, would have difficulty separating sex from love particularly if they are with that person over time. Sex is very personal for women... there isn't really a way around that.

But even for men as well as women i think the tendency is going to be you either stay with a person because you love them in some fashion, or you can't keep being sexual with them.

Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/10/07 07:34 AM
Originally Posted By: hollyelise
haridas, i think most people, but especially women, would have difficulty separating sex from love particularly if they are with that person over time. Sex is very personal for women... there isn't really a way around that.

But even for men as well as women i think the tendency is going to be you either stay with a person because you love them in some fashion, or you can't keep being sexual with them.


Hollyelise, do you think that women like you are less now?
The interviews I read were more by women who were in to this.
The society is changing fast.
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/10/07 07:36 AM
To be precise most of the women were looking for sex with no strings attached. All men and women wanted to avoid any mention of love in relationships that were purely for sex. Satisfy body and go. As simple as that.
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/10/07 09:40 AM
An article with interviews can give a different impression than a study. Publishers want to sell newspapers, producers want more viewers, but do they always choose to represent the whole picture? I think they often choose to portray what will be more sensational or what they consider "news-worthy." Look at how under-reported famine is, but if someone were to die from a panda bear, it would probably make the news all over the world. Traditional relationships aren't particularly news right now.

I don't doubt some men and women want sex without strings attached and there may be more than there used to be -- i don't know -- but i don't think it is the majority. We could look up research and see, i suppose. I think for most people, love and sex are paired.

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to choose sex without strings, so long as they are honest and responsible with their partners. I just think it's tricky, and i doubt there are many people who could have sex with a partner repeatedly and not be attached.
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/10/07 12:30 PM
What kind of relationship would that be?
Only mechanical?
But sex does help relax and sex starved people suffer quite a lot unknowingly.
Posted By: Sue Early Childhood Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/10/07 06:40 PM
Originally Posted By: hollyelise
Sorry, Sue... i didn't read your post right.


No worries Holly, I don't thing I phrased that post correctly.

I believe in today's society, divorce is too easy, sex is too casual and accepted. I never thought about this much, but I have teenagers now. Teens these days think nothing of having co-ed sleepovers, where "nothing happens". My daughter is not allowed to participate in this new fad.

I feel that people have sex now without really caring about the other person, and that is sad. I see documentaries where teens say that certain things don't count as sex. If I asked my dad about these things counting as sex, he probably would have sent me to my room for the rest of my life and then had a heart attack.
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/10/07 09:06 PM
Well, as to divorce being too easy, i think in general people are a little more self absorbed and selfish than they used to be... the "me" generation, as they say. Many people who get divorced think of what they want and can get out of a relationship (or an affair) more than what they have to offer and investing in someone else for long term mutual benefit. But i don't think it's a bad thing to make divorce itself easy... even fifty years ago it was difficult to divorce an abusive spouse or long term drunkard or addict, and horrible things happened as a result. Deaths. Child abuse. Misery. Those situations are not healthy for anyone to allow to continue. I have been divorced and can honestly say there was absolutely no choice in my situation. He was destroying me and it was no longer safe. I think some of the divorces today though are symptomatic of all of society. We aren't looking out for each other as much as we used to. Do you know all your neighbors, for instance? There was a time when it would be inconceivable to not know all your neighbors well and help each other.

When i started dating again a few years back it was very awkward. Sex is more expected and if you don't want to sleep with someone they think something is wrong with you or that you don't like them or take them seriously. I'm not a prude, but nor did i want to have a series of a dozen and more partners while i looked for someone i could spend my life with! In general, nearly everyone i date will want sex with me. I remember being on one first date and when i refused to have sex with the guy at the end of the evening he told me to "grow up" and to call him when i woke up to "realities." It really shook me up and made me feel [censored]. After that lovely experience I told everyone up front before i even met them face to face that i wasn't going to have sex with them at least until we knew each other very very well! Much to my pleasant surprise, it helped weed out those men who were in my opinion, very bad at relationship skills on the whole. If a guy isn't going to like being with me for reasons other than sex and respect my choices, it's not going to be a good relationship anyway!

So I admit i can't personally relate to Haridas' position on sex. Sexual release can be had by masturbation just as well. If you're talking about biological needs... the body doesn't know the difference between orgasm alone or with someone. Both equally release tension.

Maybe this is a gender difference, or maybe it is because i was a "babe" for several decades, but to me, the LAST thing i want or need is to have sex without a complete, loving relationship to go with it! I remember too many times when i'd be talking to a man about anything... work, perhaps... and they aren't hearing a single word i say because they're staring at my "boobs" and i'd want to say, "i'm up here you __ hole !" Of course i wouldn't. I had to leave a job once because my boss said i was fired if i wouldn't sleep with him, and i couldn't find more work for months and wound up moving to get work. I've had literally THOUSANDS of other encounters big and small where i was looked at ONLY as a sexual object... it starts creeping you out after a while and becomes repulsive. Talk about something that lowers your self esteem!!!!!!!! I am a WHOLE person, not just an object of sexual desire, and i insist on that. To give that up would be cheapening myself. My feelings and mind can't take a vacation while i have sex so i think it is folly to pretend that is the case. As human beings we are sexual, but not JUST sexual. We have emotions and personalities that are always present. And just speaking for me, there is no way i would EVER want an arrangement where it's only for sex. BUT... everyone is different and people have different needs and ways of looking at things. I have some dear friends who are more casual with having sex (they are very responsible with safety) and i think no less of them for their choice. Hey, if it works for them... and it seems to... I have nothing against that and applaude them for doing what is right for them. We're not all cookie-cutter similar, and we have to do what's right for us.
Posted By: Sue Early Childhood Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/10/07 09:55 PM
Wow Holly, you sure have had some expieriences! I didn't mean that people shouldn't get divorced in abusive situations, I just meant that some people just give up too easily. The magic of new love wears off and that's it they're done. You know what I mean. There were a few times in my 22 years of marriage that I thought it would be easier to give up, but I just wouldn't. Now, my DH says if I moved out, he would move with me lol.

I can't imagine dating again either. I have been out with my husband and have been hit on with my husband at the other end of the bar! It's kind of funny, my husband watches and knows exactly when I tell them I am married lol!
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/10/07 10:20 PM
laugh

I agree with you... some people change partners with as much thought as changing clothes. They walk away from problems in relationships rather than try to fix them. But it's sticking through those difficult times that -- (provided you are with a generally good person) -- is what in the end gives your relationship more depth and intimacy, and it's what gives you as a person more depth and maturity, too. You had to learn and grow and negotiate.

You're lucky the guys hitting on you listen. You reminded me of a time when i was married... there was a janitor in the building where i had my photo lab... and he was fun to talk to until one day when he started hitting on me. I told him i was married and definitely not interested and you know what his first words were? "You have any kids?" ...not because he was being conversational, but because he figured if their weren't kids i was still fair game!!!!!!!!! I couldn't get rid of him after that and he kept hitting on me and soon I was avoiding going to the lab except at night when he wasn't there. The whole thing i remember with an "ew!"
Posted By: Maxwell Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 12:39 AM
Hollyelise - Good for you!
I soooo agree - as a young woman I received a lot of unwelcome attention from men. I hated it...
I had very little to do with men in my teens - my parents were very protective and I was studying hard to get into University.
I found my first year at University a complete shock and quickly established in my own mind, that I did not agree with casual sex.
I still feel the same way....
I don't judge others - two consenting adults can do as they please...but its not for me.
I think most women have at some point felt shocked or threatened by men/drunks/flashers/dirty old men or have been pinched on the bottom or spoken to inappropriately and some sadly, a lot worse.
AND the dangerous types - I was chased by a man after I finished work late at night - I got away but the man was known to the police - he was wanted in connection with a number of rapes. It still frightens me to think about it.
I thought it was the most unpleasant thing about being a young woman.
One of my colleagues (a senior policeman) made me feel very uncomfortable at an office function - inappropriate comments and behaviour - in those days there were no sexual harassment officers - you just had to deal with the problem yourself. I spoke to my boss about his conduct - my boss apologized for this man's behavior and said, "I think he had too much to drink"...so what! I think alcohol is used by many men to give them the courage to behave disgracefully and hopefully, get away with it...I know he kept harassing young women in the office for years....until things finally started to change and he was cautioned and threatened with dismissal.
Thankfully, I didn't have to negotiate the dating scene for long - I met my husband when I was 24 years old - we have now been together for 25 years. We had a courtship (they seem rare today) and he always behaved like a gentleman and treated me with respect.
The dating scene today fills me with horror - I would not sleep with a man until we got to know each other and the relationship had commenced - that would take time.
You did the right thing - dealing with the men that wanted "instant gratification" and making your position clear - I think that takes some courage in this day and age.
I saw a program recently on the increasing incidence of date rape and also, the drugging of young women in nightclubs followed by gang rape - shocking beyond words...
I remember speaking to a psychologist at a dinner party years ago ...he said something really interesting, "if you sleep with a man on the first night or shortly thereafter, you will have a sexual relationship that will probably end after a short time BUT if you wait until there is an emotional and deeper connection, you have a better chance of a full and lasting relationship."
I agree.


Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 04:48 AM
Hollyelise-

You said-

So I admit i can't personally relate to Haridas' position on sex. Sexual release can be had by masturbation just as well. If you're talking about biological needs... the body doesn't know the difference between orgasm alone or with someone. Both equally release tension.

any scientific proof for this?
How about bodies being touched, smell, etc.?
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 05:19 AM
Something more-

The article said that love relationships are becoming very tough and need lot of time. They also break most often. So people are looking for casual sex to satisfy the body.
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 05:25 AM
Hollyelise and others,

I have read your opinions with deep interest and respect. Tell me then what kind of women go for casual sex? Those looking to make big in career and having no time to develop relationships?
Posted By: freespirit Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 06:14 AM
ok as a massage therapist human touch is VERY important to all amimals. it relaxes and connects us to others. there was a study dont years ago that if a baby is never touched other then being bathed and changed.... but never held they will die! it children are never held and touched in a good way they develop attachment disorders and other mental and emotional problems. as adults if we have no physical contact with others we become with drawn and unable to relate well with others...disconnected.

with that said we can live just fine with out having sex with others our bodys do not make a destintion between masterbation and sexual inter course.
But the brain does make the connection in MOST men and women. more so in Women. weather that is a social taught thing or a biological thing i dont know...

Sex is easier then love. Sex with out strings is appealing to more people these days because women are tired of the bare foot and pregnant homemaker roles of the past that make us into nothing more then a brood mare. and we are tired of it being ok for a man to cat around on his wife, girlfriend, or getting away with rape because boys will be boys!
Men of today are confused because there is no clear cut guidelines in dateing and marrage.
but SEX is SEX!

I think use to a women depended solely on her husband for everyneed and now we can drive, work and choose. that means we can go where we like have our very own money and do what we like.
but men have not figured out what to do with us because they feel like they are not wanted. we can talk to friends have sex with any one and we have money and can live on our own so why marry?

this is in POV why the raise of casual sex... the problem is that most women still want love and friendship with the sex and most men dont they are happy with sex any where any time and any place! I think they love this day and age because sex is everywhere and it is free!

I dont however like this fact because for the women how want the husband and long term commetment it is hard because if you are not one who puts out then the man will find someone who will and never think twice about you....but it does weed out the A$$ holes....
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 06:16 AM
I would like to say about myself. If I personally do not love a woman very deeply , I would not even touch her, forget sex.

Coming to what Hollyelsie has said it has surprised me to know that most men she met were only looking for sex. If this happens in USA, I can not blame other third world countries for the attitude towards women.
Posted By: freespirit Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 06:45 AM
What do you mean?
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 07:26 AM
I am talking about the attitude of society towards women in countries such as Pakistan.
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 08:08 PM
I didn't say that very clearly. Not 'only looking for sex' but they'll try to get it if they can. Some men will behave rudely, most men will not be rude. But many will test you on the first date to see if you are "easy." I can predict i will have to indicate no to not making out on most first dates. For some men i have to keep saying no multiple times a night which definitely turns me off that man. He will not get a second date because he doesn't hear and respect me.

Also, when i was young, there were several times i had to physically fight with my date to prevent date rape. They probably could have overpowered me had they decided to, but I should not have to literally PUNCH them and fight with them to get them to observe no, now should i? And several times i did. This is why i believe EVERY woman should learn self defense techniques. It only takes one bad guy to really mess up your life. Those of you who have daughters... please sign them up for classes at your local Y or community college.

I think i got a little more harassment than most women, though all women get it. Part of it was my figure which i couldn't do anything about, and part of it because i have long hair, which i didn't want to give up. I've talked with other women with long hair, some who later cut it, and we're absolutely convinced it attracts more of the disrespectful men who envision being dominant. Part of it also i bet is my manner. I can appear passive.

People who don't know, wonder why i don't enjoy dating. There are some really wonderful men out there... they are gentlemen, and pals, and make great husbands. I just don't tend to meet these guys on dates. And the few out there who are real ______ , ruin the experience of dating and make it unpleasant and on rare occassion, even down right dangerous. Unfortunately, you can't tell them apart from chatting with them online or looking at their picture. Dating feels like playing Russian Roulette. You never know what you're going to get.
Posted By: Sue Early Childhood Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 08:33 PM
Holly

I think there are still good men around, just hard to find. The harrassment you dealt with was never your fault. Boys need to be taught self control when they are young, and I think that will help.

I used to work for a man. It was just him and I in the office. After a few months, he started making comments that were unwelcome and uncalled for. I don't him flat out that he was being rude, I didn't quit the job, because I really needed the money. One day he said he had tickets for a concert and wanted me to go because his wife didn't want to. I told him no, and he said he would pay me and take me to dinner, he just didn't want to drive alone. I said "Hello? an I a prostitute now?" He laughed it off. The next day he mentioned it again and when I told him I wasn't going, he stopped talking to me all together for 3 days. It was about a week later that I quit.

The worst part about that whole situation? This man is my neighboor and I was best friends with his wife (can't imagine what he told her). My husband was relieved when I left that job because he didn't want to have to hurt the guy.

I found out a couple of years later that he had started quite a few rumors about me. I try not to hate anyone, but there is no love thy neighbor in this case! Just telling you guys this story tensed me right up!
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 08:44 PM
Originally Posted By: haridas
Hollyelise-

You said-

So I admit i can't personally relate to Haridas' position on sex. Sexual release can be had by masturbation just as well. If you're talking about biological needs... the body doesn't know the difference between orgasm alone or with someone. Both equally release tension.

any scientific proof for this?
How about bodies being touched, smell, etc.?


I misunderstood your position, i can see that now.

Touch is a human need... a primate need. I remember reading about research with baby monkeys, and i think the Skinner-box children also. Babies need touch to thrive and i think adults do better when they have it, too. But it doesn't necessarily follow that the touch has to be with sex. I will see if i can find research to support what i said about orgasm with sex vs. masturbation.

Intimacy in the broader sense of the word, is one of my strongest needs, far more than sex. I thrive when i have it, i shrivel when i don't. I'm going to try to remember... "The Six Human Needs"... security, change, connection, ... i'm not remembering, i'll have to look it up. I remember i heard it on an Anthony Robbins lecture, but the original source was someone else. But what i call intimacy would be "connection." Many people have experienced being around others but feeling disconnected... you might be living with family, for instance, but feel lonely. Or in a group and feel like no one understands you. This would be lacking connection, or what i call intimacy. It isn't a sexual thing. It's just feeling connected with others and communicating well or not even having to communicate because you understand each other. I know cardioloists now are agreed that this aspect greatly affects heart health and longevity. "Calling a friend" has become a standard part of the treatment of heart disease, because it has that much of an impact. Humans need this.

I think particularly because of my earliest years of life, and also because my personality is different (i'm in the smallest category of personality types on the Meyer-Briggs model)... finding intimacy plays a larger role in my needs than it does for most people. Sex i can survive without, but intimacy i greatly need, and it is too often in short supply.

What about the rest of you? How do you feel about your need for connection?

Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 08:59 PM
Originally Posted By: haridas
Hollyelise and others,

I have read your opinions with deep interest and respect. Tell me then what kind of women go for casual sex? Those looking to make big in career and having no time to develop relationships?


The only women i have personally known who are casual about sex are either very young and from a liberal metropolitan area where most people in their community have very liberal and unpersonal attitudes about sex (for instance, college students from New York City), or they are former victims of rape or sexual abuse.

I have had at least three friends who were victims of rape or sexual abuse who became very promiscous in their young adulthood. For them it was more like a sexual addiction, and relieved tension for them. Intimacy with someone of the opposite sex, however, was nearly impossible for them for at least a decade. Now in their forties (actually one just turned 50), two of them have married in the last five years and one of them has been in a lesbian relationship for ten years. All of them have quite a different position on sex now. They see monogamy as the goal, the evolvement of their self, the indication of their healing. D put it this way to me once: "The more sex i have, the more it dilutes the importance of the rape."

This is one reason why i don't judge people for being promiscuous. You don't always know, in fact THEY don't always remember, if sexual molestation was in their past. Promiscuity in some cases is a coping mechanism.

Each of these three women i know who used to be promiscuous are dear, decent people. I wish you knew them so you could see. They are all very caring, kind human beings. All very intelligent and educated. Sleeping with many partners and even strangers was not a matter of their having loose morals, but rather a reflection of the great pain they had inside from traumatic experiences. I think in some way it helped them regain a sense of having control.
Posted By: Sue Early Childhood Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 09:20 PM
I personally know a few women who had casual sex after a divorce, or bad break up. I don't know anyone who had casual sex to advance their career, Haridas you may be watching too much tv lol. Also, I think Holly is right, in metropolitan areas I think casual sex is more popular, but I live in the woods, so I don't know lol.
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 09:30 PM
Originally Posted By: freebubbles3
ok as a massage therapist human touch is VERY important to all amimals. it relaxes and connects us to others. there was a study dont years ago that if a baby is never touched other then being bathed and changed.... but never held they will die! it children are never held and touched in a good way they develop attachment disorders and other mental and emotional problems. as adults if we have no physical contact with others we become with drawn and unable to relate well with others...disconnected.

with that said we can live just fine with out having sex with others our bodys do not make a destintion between masterbation and sexual inter course.
But the brain does make the connection in MOST men and women. more so in Women. weather that is a social taught thing or a biological thing i dont know...

Sex is easier then love. Sex with out strings is appealing to more people these days because women are tired of the bare foot and pregnant homemaker roles of the past that make us into nothing more then a brood mare. and we are tired of it being ok for a man to cat around on his wife, girlfriend, or getting away with rape because boys will be boys!
Men of today are confused because there is no clear cut guidelines in dateing and marrage.
but SEX is SEX!

I think use to a women depended solely on her husband for everyneed and now we can drive, work and choose. that means we can go where we like have our very own money and do what we like.
but men have not figured out what to do with us because they feel like they are not wanted. we can talk to friends have sex with any one and we have money and can live on our own so why marry?

this is in POV why the raise of casual sex... the problem is that most women still want love and friendship with the sex and most men dont they are happy with sex any where any time and any place! I think they love this day and age because sex is everywhere and it is free!

I dont however like this fact because for the women how want the husband and long term commetment it is hard because if you are not one who puts out then the man will find someone who will and never think twice about you....but it does weed out the A$$ holes....


I agree with most of what you said, freebubbles, and you made a good point about many women now having the economic freedom to be independent. An independent woman only has to clean after herself, whereas most married women, even if they do have a career, still tend to do the lion share of household tasks and child rearing.

The one place where i depart from what you said is when you said, "most men dont they are happy with sex any where any time and any place! I think they love this day and age because sex is everywhere and it is free!"

I think men wanting sex any where, any time, any place, is the way mother nature pre-disposed them to be. The sexual burden to procreate is hardwired largely in the male, in most species. But this doesn't mean that the average human male is a slave to this biological drive. Men are more than solely sexual beings, just as women are. I know that many men crave long term companionship with one woman. I also have male friends who are quite capable of maintaining friendships with women without sex ever entering into it. Nature hardwiring men (and to a lesser degree women) to procreate may cause a challenge at times for us to remain in sane control of our libido, but i think most men (over the age of 25 perhaps) would prefer long term companionship to sexual free-for-all.
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 09:52 PM
...then again, there seem to be a few men (and women too) who would have it both ways if they can get away with it!
Posted By: Maxwell Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/11/07 10:21 PM
At University there were a couple of girls who slept with all of their dates - I think they thought it was sophisticated and mature...
It didn't work out for them - after many years they were still looking for love and only getting sex. At University they developed a reputation so were very popular, but my male friends told me that men always spoke about them disrespectfully. One actually ended up with an STD and she always seemed to have gynaecological problems, bladder infections and the like. I often wondered what she was doing and why she acted the way she did? Maybe, there was something in her past...

The long hair theory sparked my interest - I had long blonde hair - maybe, that's why I attracted creeps? One of my friends told me she had no problem with lechers, flashers, drunks, weirdos unless she was in my company...Great!
I didn't trust men and so, just concentrated on my studies.
I rarely dated and when I did, I didn't enjoy myself, so what was the point?
I was starting to think it was all too difficult when I met my DH. Some of my friends have asked me, whether I regret not dating lots of men in my 20s. (I have been with my DH since I was 24 so that's 25 years now)
My answer is a resounding, "No, absolutely no regrets"...and that's the truth...

I agree that intimacy is very important - my favourite moments are things like sharing a leisurely breakfast on Sunday morning and curled up on the sofa in front of the fire watching a movie...or enjoying a meal and a bottle of wine together...or planning our next holiday AND, knowing that he is always there for me - that's what I'd really miss....



Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/12/07 06:36 AM
I feel that this discussion is getting interesting. Freebubbles, to begin with, I did not say that women with career ambitions want to increase chances with sex. What I said that they do not have time for relationships and satisfy themselves with a quickie.
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/12/07 09:48 AM
Hollyelise,

You say that you have an attractive figure. That drwas men towards you. Do women with normal figure also get asked for sex on the first date?
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/13/07 06:41 PM
Yes. But certain figures draw more attention.

Many of my students are teachers also... in public schools or at the college, and they talk of their experiences. One of my students has talked several times about a female student of hers (an early teen) who has an hourglass figure, and how much of a problem that is in class and for the girl. The girl is not interested in boys right now, but all the boys in class compete heavily for her and bother her and try to bribe her, and it challenges the teacher to maintain order and the classes attention on coursework. The teacher has said the girl does nothing to encourage this.
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/14/07 05:38 AM
Hollyelise,

Pl. read my earlier post again.

Do women with normal figure also get asked for sex on the first date?
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/14/07 06:04 AM
i already answered that question to the best of my knowledge.
Posted By: freespirit Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/14/07 06:15 AM
I think men wanting sex any where, any time, any place, is the way mother nature pre-disposed them to be. The sexual burden to procreate is hardwired largely in the male, in most species. But this doesn't mean that the average human male is a slave to this biological drive. Men are more than solely sexual beings, just as women are. I know that many men crave long term companionship with one woman. I also have male friends who are quite capable of maintaining friendships with women without sex ever entering into it. Nature hardwiring men (and to a lesser degree women) to procreate may cause a challenge at times for us to remain in sane control of our libido, but i think most men (over the age of 25 perhaps) would prefer long term companionship to sexual free-for-all.

let me clearify... most men are raise to get sex anywhere any time the whole boys will be boys and the more notches the better. I did not mean that there are not men out there capible of having normal heathy relationships both as friends and as husbands... but most boys are incouraged to sow there oats and marry a "good Girl" (read virgin...) and it is fine for a man to stay single all his life or marry later in life where for women we are taught a little girls to fall in love, stay a virgin until marrage, marry and make babies... we can have the career and whatever but it is still expected that we marry somewhere in our 20s.

and

Freebubbles, to begin with, I did not say that women with career ambitions want to increase chances with sex. What I said that they do not have time for relationships and satisfy themselves with a quickie.

I didnt mean to inply that women with careers wanted many sex partners or more sex. I think you have a point about no time for a relationship... sex is a quick fix for many women who want a relationship. it give them a feeling of connection and a fake relationship with someone. this is where many women get heart broken. they have sex with a person and they start to think that that person and her is in love and everything then the man walks away and she doesnt know why or she finds out that he has another girl on the side. She fantisies this happy monogomas relationship and she doesnt realize that she is the booty call and she is just one in a long string or booty calls....or he falls in love with someone else.

Posted By: freespirit Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/14/07 06:24 AM
Do women with normal figure also get asked for sex on the first date?

I have to take a stabe at this one.

I have always been fat, big boobs and long blond hair and I had men and boy friends try to get sex from me even if we had never met!

My best friend was thin, tall and long blond-ish red hair and she had the same problem except total strangers did not come up and say hey baby wannna FU#@??? they tried to charm her out of her pants where i just had the rude crude and obnoxous men and preverts.

the point is i think all women have this problem but depending on the figure wi depending on the kind of guys and comments you get.

Men tend to think that fat women have a low self esteem so all they have to do is say F@@@ Me and we will fall at there feet and they can treat us anyway they want and we will feel lucky to have them and be gratful for it!!! but women who are motel beautiful get charm and i love you's and gifts and dinner and the best side of the man until he figures out that he is not going to get what he wants then he changes.....

Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/15/07 06:19 AM
Freebubbles, very good posts.

Tell me, are all of us not hypocrites on this forum?
Most of us use the F word in life but dare not write in the forum.
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/15/07 06:39 AM
There are other possibilities, haridas, why people don't post. For instance, at present many people are busy with their families and preparing for Christmas.

Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/15/07 07:03 AM
I am not speaking of not posting.

I am talking about the use of F word in posts.
We shy away from that.
That is hypocrisy.
Posted By: Alexandra Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/15/07 07:35 AM
Originally Posted By: haridas
Freebubbles, very good posts.

Tell me, are all of us not hypocrites on this forum?
Most of us use the F word in life but dare not write in the forum.

Speak for yourself Haridas, I never use the word, and never would.
If people resort to such foul words, it indicates two things to me:
(1) they are inadequately articulate to be able to express themselves coherently without resorting to foul language.
(2) they have permitted their emotions (often Anger) to get the better of them, and they have 'lost control' of themselves.

In addition to this, many fora have an inbuilt censorship system which automatically deletes or alters foul words. This is to my mind, a clear indication that, whatever you might do in your 'everyday' life, this kind of communication is still generally unacceptable.

And long may it continue!
Posted By: Sue Early Childhood Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/15/07 02:15 PM
Also the forum is supposed to be G rated where language is concerned
Posted By: babyquacker Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/16/07 07:24 AM
I think that Holly hit upon the right combination of factors that would make a man act more like an "animal" on dates. If a woman, straight out, lets a guy know that are certain "rules" for dating her, then many potential dates would never happen. When a guy asked me out on a date for dinner, I said that I would like that but I wouldn't have sex on the first date. If he was interested in me for more than sex, then he would continue to pursue me. Unfortunately, he had other problems and killed himself before he ever asked me out again.

And I had my share of a few men who wanted something for something. Even at work, I became friendly with a boss who soon was telling me I could go very far with the job, and then he showed up at my apartment door. I talked to him, at the door, but did not let him come in. He became very hardnosed toward me after that but he still did not get to first base. I did eventually transfer out of that position so I didn't have to be subjected to him and his "come-ons". Back in 1982-3, there weren't people speaking of sexual harassment but it sure was happening.

Of course men want to have sex whenever and wherever they can, but that does not mean that the woman has to agree. Different sizes or shapes of women, I believe, doesn't make a man more or less ready, willing and eager to have sex. Whether you are shapely or not, your body type and personality attracts certain kinds of guys. If you have already set the game rules, then you shouldn't need to worry about the man trying to get his share of your desserts after dinner and a movie.

Some, not most, men prefer to have a lady on their arm and a pro in their bed. As far as casual sex goes, I think the woman still makes that decision. It is unfortunate that some women play such games and act like teasses, but only the inexperienced man will fall for that. Same is true for a woman going out to dinner and not knowing what to do aferwards if the man expects pay back. A simple goodnight kiss and saying that it was fun should be enough.

I am all with Holly and Sue about intimacy being as important as sex, in the long run. It really has nothing to do with being over-sexed or under-sexed, just that men and women have different needs. Haridas, your question about mechanical versus natural intercourse, IMHO, is that release is just that - release. A man wants the release (and doesn't much care how he gets it) whereas a woman wants to feel "loved", cuddled, embraced, felt needed and desirous".

Sue, I have been married for many years (28), like you and feel like you do about how good a marriage can remain the same after many years. It may not be the same as it was 20+ years ago, but there is an understanding, caring, gentleness and love, as well as alternatives, that keep the marriage alive, happy and satisfied. I would think that open, honest communication of what a person likes and dislikes, and what will be acceptable or not, is the best way for any couple to remain dedicated to and in love with each other.

If we are talking about individuals (or single people), I think it is hard to find companionship and intimacy without sex coming in to play at some time. Saving sex for marriage is the only thing that I have noticed being changed lately. That is just another facet of getting to know somebody. Of course, safe sex always needs to be practiced and all the warnings given about being used and feeling used if the relationship is one sided. The good thing is that if we openly communicate what we each want, we have a better chance of getting it.

For example, if I need to be held while I cry or need to have my back rubbed, I know that I need to reciprocate in a way that will satisfy my husband's "manly", emotional or psychological needs. We all know that there are MANY different ways to satisfy those needs besides intercourse. My husband had a good saying that "every man wants a lady in public but a PRO in the bedroom." It's not very hard to figure out what that all means to each of us, and it certainly might be different for each of us. BUT, I like chocolate and that is a great way to start! Might as well make it a sundae and add some whip cream, too! wink

Trish

PS I don't use the "F" word in my daily life either, Alex. I agree that it usually shows that a person has a limited vocabulary like you said. Haridas, I might be a hypocrit,too, because I say "FFFReeaking" alot, usually under my breath when I get upset or mad. We all know that is just the substitute for the "F" word.

Posted By: Maxwell Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/16/07 08:47 AM
Hi Babyquacker,
I found your post very interesting.
I had a courtship with my DH - dates, flowers, chocolates, long phone calls and this followed a 6 month friendship.
I have never agreed with casual sex - I don't judge others but it's never been for me.
I was speaking to my hairdresser (29) and her assistants (17 & 19)about the hazards of modern dating - I've heard from many young women about the expectation of sex on the first date...or the second.
I wonder whether its the reason so many people date for years never finding a partner - that people don't take the time to get to know one another...for emotional attachment to develop.
AND whether it partly explains the number of divorces today.
Anyway, I asked the girls whether people still have courtships or whether they were a thing of the past.
They looked puzzled and said, "what's a courtship"....
I explained briefly - they all replied with things like, "No, no one would bother with THAT" and "No, don't think so"...
So, 25 years later, I'm so pleased I got my courtship and if that makes me a dinosaur, so be it.

Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/17/07 06:24 AM
Trish,

a lovely post. Congrats and Thanks.
Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/17/07 06:36 AM
Trish,

I wanted an open discussion. I was not trying to call people here as hypocrites. I was thinking loudly and when I said we are hypocrites, I was speaking of population in general.

Sue,
Is it given in the Users agreement that this is G rated forum? Any link? Thanks.
Posted By: Alexandra Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/17/07 08:19 AM
Originally Posted By: haridas
I was thinking loudly and when I said we are hypocrites, I was speaking of population in general.
yes, but caution: you then gave a specific pointer, and did not pre-empt it with 'for example' so people naturally assumed that you were specifically refering to profane language.

here's your answer then.

"You further agree not to use BellaOnline to send or post on message boards or any place on BellaOnline, any message or material that is unlawful, harassing, libelous, defamatory, abusive, threatening, harmful, vulgar, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, racially offensive, inaccurate, or otherwise objectionable material of any kind or nature or that encourages conduct that could constitute a criminal offense, give rise to civil liability or otherwise violate any applicable local, state, national or international law or regulation, or encourage the use of controlled substances. BellaOnline.com reserves the right to delete any such material from BellaOnline. BellaOnline.com will cooperate fully with any law enforcement officials and/or agencies in the investigation of any person or persons who violate the Terms of Service contained in this Section 6. "

From forum rules

Posted By: haridas Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/18/07 08:04 AM
Trish,

I have observed that you use dictionary a lot.
Tell me if I write f@@@, am I a hypocrite?
Posted By: Alexandra Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/18/07 01:29 PM
"fatatat" - ?!? laugh laugh laugh

Haridas, that's lovely, it's so funny!

Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/18/07 07:27 PM
I realize you weren't asking me, but i hope you don't mind if i comment.

I don't think you would be a hypocrite, haridas. I think hypocrisy refers to a close relationship of setting a double standard.

In practical use, stating curse words has less to do with what they mean as much as they are just expletives. When used they are usually intended to shock and to express anger or to be crude (another form of shock) and are not usually using the original meaning of the word. This is why some words (hell is a good example) can be used in some contexts without being considered swearing, and not in others. When someone says, "f***," what they are expressing is not usually about sex, but rather they are communicating that they are angry or sometimes, injured. So i do not see any hypocrisy between being offended by the word and not being chaste.

I try not to swear -- not because i think the words are so terrible -- but rather for the same reason i wouldn't say, "gimme that!" or "gee, you're wearing an ugly shirt!" I try to avoid swearing in most company because some people would find it rude and feel upset by it, and i don't like to be rude. There are plenty of words with which i can express myself. If using asterisks, for instance, will get my meaning across but be less offensive to some, then i'd be glad to do it for them.

I think to be a hypocrite in this situation you'd either have to:

1) Condemn others for swearing, yet swear yourself.

2) Encourage others to say whatever they wish, yet condemn yourself when you say certain things.

Both of these cases would be holding a double standard, which is what hypocrisy, is.

From Websters:

hypocrisy - a pretending to be what one is not, or to feel what one does not feel; esp., a pretnese of virtue, piety, etc.
Posted By: Angela P Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/18/07 07:50 PM
Quote:
"Sexual release can be had by masturbation just as well. If you're talking about biological needs... the body doesn't know the difference between orgasm alone or with someone."

I disagree with this quote from Haridas.
My body definitely knows the difference between masturbation (even those assisted by a toy) and sex with someone.

As a woman, I cannot separate my body from my mind when it comes to sex. I can get a sexual release without someone with me, but it's just that -- a release. Sometimes, even with my boyfriend, it's just a release, too, but the chance of experiencing real physical love can only surface if he's there and actively participating.

I've been between relationships before and have had casual sex, and while it can help from feeling lonely and give you sexual release, it's nothing like having sex with someone you love...well, at least for me.

Add chocolate to the mix, and you've got yourself a truly pleasurable evening (or morning...or afternoon)!
Posted By: Lady J Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/18/07 07:59 PM
Well if you like chocolate... at our spa in January we are doing a special on body wraps. We are doing a hot chocolate body wrap... talk about invigurating and sensual and just plane ole good! lol
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/18/07 08:11 PM
Angela and everyone, that quote is not from haridas. I said that quote. Somewhere in this thread someone accidentally copy and pasted it and statements by others into their post without using the quotation feature of the forum to attach the author's names to it, and so it's gotten a little confused.

to clarify, it was me who said the following:

"Sexual release can be had by masturbation just as well. If you're talking about biological needs... the body doesn't know the difference between orgasm alone or with someone."
Posted By: hollyelise Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/18/07 08:20 PM
Originally Posted By: Angela P
Quote:
"Sexual release can be had by masturbation just as well. If you're talking about biological needs... the body doesn't know the difference between orgasm alone or with someone."

I disagree with this quote from Haridas.
My body definitely knows the difference between masturbation (even those assisted by a toy) and sex with someone.

As a woman, I cannot separate my body from my mind when it comes to sex. I can get a sexual release without someone with me, but it's just that -- a release. Sometimes, even with my boyfriend, it's just a release, too, but the chance of experiencing real physical love can only surface if he's there and actively participating.



And actually, i don't think we are in disagreement, Angela, but i think, in general, people have significantly misunderstood what i said in that comment.

I said, "if you're talking about BIOLOGICAL needs..." I did not say emotional, i did not say whole person, i did not say mind!!!

I was talking from a purely medical standpoint, and not taking into consideration the whole person BECAUSE this comment was in REFERENCE to something haridas said about abstention from sex being detrimental to health.

Your mind may know, Angela, but from your body's standpoint the sexual reactions are identical, and this is medical fact.

I absolutely agree with you, however, that we are whole people, our mind and emotions most certainly know the difference between masturbation and intercourse. Of course we do! And as human beings are social creatures, we have social needs, which for many of us, includes desire for a sexual partner or lover.
Posted By: Modern Woman Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/19/07 05:36 AM
Alexandra,

I came on the forum today and found that your answers to Haridas have only one objective- to put him down.

You are repeating what you did with Manjari.
Are you looking for a fight?
Write to me on cdmohatta@gmail.com
I will come on the forum whenever you wish.
Pl. leave Haridas alone.


With much compassion, love, Karuna, Metta and all that which in reality means to trouble others.
Posted By: Modern Woman Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/19/07 05:38 AM
Haridas,

Most of us are hypocrites and actors.
Lucky are those who speak out what they wish to honestly.
We all wrap up our real thoughts in words and soften.
Posted By: Alexandra Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/19/07 06:06 AM
Hello CDM.... I was wondering what had happened to you, nice to see you again!

I'm not here to put anyone down, or to do anything. I'm here to join in a discussion with others, and engage in a positive way.
If either you or haridas truly believe my intentions are negative, then I am sorry, but you have constructed a false perception of me, and that is your problem, not mine.

This is all I will say on the matter, here or anywhere else.

But thank you as ever, for coming in on forum, and expressing yourself so pointedly.

With much sincere and heartfelt Metta and Karuna to you, and a Merry Christmas and a happy new year, if I don't see you again before then.

Love, Alexandra.
Posted By: Angela P Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/19/07 02:54 PM
Thanks, Hollyelise, for clarifying. Apologies to Haridas for the misquote.

I'd be interested in this "medical fact" that the body knows no different -- and that's not a challenge, I really am interested.

I've read other articles that chocolate stimulates the same nerve centers in the brain as marijuana.

YAY for sex and chocolate!! laugh
Posted By: Alexandra Re: Chocolate and sex for mind - 12/20/07 08:53 AM
I'd love to do some research on Chocolate, and its origins....the ancient Mexicans and Peruvians used it, I believe, and it certainly adds a kick to chilli....

Just when it began to have connotations as an aphrodisiac, I'm not sure...is it scientifically-based, or do we just think it's because if a man brings his girlfriend/wife chocolates, he's hoping for something 'sweet' in return?

Probably both....
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