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What kind of relationship would that be?
Only mechanical?
But sex does help relax and sex starved people suffer quite a lot unknowingly.

No worries Holly, I don't thing I phrased that post correctly.

I believe in today's society, divorce is too easy, sex is too casual and accepted. I never thought about this much, but I have teenagers now. Teens these days think nothing of having co-ed sleepovers, where "nothing happens". My daughter is not allowed to participate in this new fad.

I feel that people have sex now without really caring about the other person, and that is sad. I see documentaries where teens say that certain things don't count as sex. If I asked my dad about these things counting as sex, he probably would have sent me to my room for the rest of my life and then had a heart attack.

Well, as to divorce being too easy, i think in general people are a little more self absorbed and selfish than they used to be... the "me" generation, as they say. Many people who get divorced think of what they want and can get out of a relationship (or an affair) more than what they have to offer and investing in someone else for long term mutual benefit. But i don't think it's a bad thing to make divorce itself easy... even fifty years ago it was difficult to divorce an abusive spouse or long term drunkard or addict, and horrible things happened as a result. Deaths. Child abuse. Misery. Those situations are not healthy for anyone to allow to continue. I have been divorced and can honestly say there was absolutely no choice in my situation. He was destroying me and it was no longer safe. I think some of the divorces today though are symptomatic of all of society. We aren't looking out for each other as much as we used to. Do you know all your neighbors, for instance? There was a time when it would be inconceivable to not know all your neighbors well and help each other.

When i started dating again a few years back it was very awkward. Sex is more expected and if you don't want to sleep with someone they think something is wrong with you or that you don't like them or take them seriously. I'm not a prude, but nor did i want to have a series of a dozen and more partners while i looked for someone i could spend my life with! In general, nearly everyone i date will want sex with me. I remember being on one first date and when i refused to have sex with the guy at the end of the evening he told me to "grow up" and to call him when i woke up to "realities." It really shook me up and made me feel [censored]. After that lovely experience I told everyone up front before i even met them face to face that i wasn't going to have sex with them at least until we knew each other very very well! Much to my pleasant surprise, it helped weed out those men who were in my opinion, very bad at relationship skills on the whole. If a guy isn't going to like being with me for reasons other than sex and respect my choices, it's not going to be a good relationship anyway!

So I admit i can't personally relate to Haridas' position on sex. Sexual release can be had by masturbation just as well. If you're talking about biological needs... the body doesn't know the difference between orgasm alone or with someone. Both equally release tension.

Maybe this is a gender difference, or maybe it is because i was a "babe" for several decades, but to me, the LAST thing i want or need is to have sex without a complete, loving relationship to go with it! I remember too many times when i'd be talking to a man about anything... work, perhaps... and they aren't hearing a single word i say because they're staring at my "boobs" and i'd want to say, "i'm up here you __ hole !" Of course i wouldn't. I had to leave a job once because my boss said i was fired if i wouldn't sleep with him, and i couldn't find more work for months and wound up moving to get work. I've had literally THOUSANDS of other encounters big and small where i was looked at ONLY as a sexual object... it starts creeping you out after a while and becomes repulsive. Talk about something that lowers your self esteem!!!!!!!! I am a WHOLE person, not just an object of sexual desire, and i insist on that. To give that up would be cheapening myself. My feelings and mind can't take a vacation while i have sex so i think it is folly to pretend that is the case. As human beings we are sexual, but not JUST sexual. We have emotions and personalities that are always present. And just speaking for me, there is no way i would EVER want an arrangement where it's only for sex. BUT... everyone is different and people have different needs and ways of looking at things. I have some dear friends who are more casual with having sex (they are very responsible with safety) and i think no less of them for their choice. Hey, if it works for them... and it seems to... I have nothing against that and applaude them for doing what is right for them. We're not all cookie-cutter similar, and we have to do what's right for us.

Wow Holly, you sure have had some expieriences! I didn't mean that people shouldn't get divorced in abusive situations, I just meant that some people just give up too easily. The magic of new love wears off and that's it they're done. You know what I mean. There were a few times in my 22 years of marriage that I thought it would be easier to give up, but I just wouldn't. Now, my DH says if I moved out, he would move with me lol.

I can't imagine dating again either. I have been out with my husband and have been hit on with my husband at the other end of the bar! It's kind of funny, my husband watches and knows exactly when I tell them I am married lol!

I agree with you... some people change partners with as much thought as changing clothes. They walk away from problems in relationships rather than try to fix them. But it's sticking through those difficult times that -- (provided you are with a generally good person) -- is what in the end gives your relationship more depth and intimacy, and it's what gives you as a person more depth and maturity, too. You had to learn and grow and negotiate.

You're lucky the guys hitting on you listen. You reminded me of a time when i was married... there was a janitor in the building where i had my photo lab... and he was fun to talk to until one day when he started hitting on me. I told him i was married and definitely not interested and you know what his first words were? "You have any kids?" ...not because he was being conversational, but because he figured if their weren't kids i was still fair game!!!!!!!!! I couldn't get rid of him after that and he kept hitting on me and soon I was avoiding going to the lab except at night when he wasn't there. The whole thing i remember with an "ew!"

Hollyelise - Good for you!
I soooo agree - as a young woman I received a lot of unwelcome attention from men. I hated it...
I had very little to do with men in my teens - my parents were very protective and I was studying hard to get into University.
I found my first year at University a complete shock and quickly established in my own mind, that I did not agree with casual sex.
I still feel the same way....
I don't judge others - two consenting adults can do as they please...but its not for me.
I think most women have at some point felt shocked or threatened by men/drunks/flashers/dirty old men or have been pinched on the bottom or spoken to inappropriately and some sadly, a lot worse.
AND the dangerous types - I was chased by a man after I finished work late at night - I got away but the man was known to the police - he was wanted in connection with a number of rapes. It still frightens me to think about it.
I thought it was the most unpleasant thing about being a young woman.
One of my colleagues (a senior policeman) made me feel very uncomfortable at an office function - inappropriate comments and behaviour - in those days there were no sexual harassment officers - you just had to deal with the problem yourself. I spoke to my boss about his conduct - my boss apologized for this man's behavior and said, "I think he had too much to drink"...so what! I think alcohol is used by many men to give them the courage to behave disgracefully and hopefully, get away with it...I know he kept harassing young women in the office for years....until things finally started to change and he was cautioned and threatened with dismissal.
Thankfully, I didn't have to negotiate the dating scene for long - I met my husband when I was 24 years old - we have now been together for 25 years. We had a courtship (they seem rare today) and he always behaved like a gentleman and treated me with respect.
The dating scene today fills me with horror - I would not sleep with a man until we got to know each other and the relationship had commenced - that would take time.
You did the right thing - dealing with the men that wanted "instant gratification" and making your position clear - I think that takes some courage in this day and age.
I saw a program recently on the increasing incidence of date rape and also, the drugging of young women in nightclubs followed by gang rape - shocking beyond words...
I remember speaking to a psychologist at a dinner party years ago ...he said something really interesting, "if you sleep with a man on the first night or shortly thereafter, you will have a sexual relationship that will probably end after a short time BUT if you wait until there is an emotional and deeper connection, you have a better chance of a full and lasting relationship."
I agree.

Hollyelise-

You said-

So I admit i can't personally relate to Haridas' position on sex. Sexual release can be had by masturbation just as well. If you're talking about biological needs... the body doesn't know the difference between orgasm alone or with someone. Both equally release tension.

any scientific proof for this?
How about bodies being touched, smell, etc.?

Something more-

The article said that love relationships are becoming very tough and need lot of time. They also break most often. So people are looking for casual sex to satisfy the body.

Hollyelise and others,

I have read your opinions with deep interest and respect. Tell me then what kind of women go for casual sex? Those looking to make big in career and having no time to develop relationships?

ok as a massage therapist human touch is VERY important to all amimals. it relaxes and connects us to others. there was a study dont years ago that if a baby is never touched other then being bathed and changed.... but never held they will die! it children are never held and touched in a good way they develop attachment disorders and other mental and emotional problems. as adults if we have no physical contact with others we become with drawn and unable to relate well with others...disconnected.

with that said we can live just fine with out having sex with others our bodys do not make a destintion between masterbation and sexual inter course.
But the brain does make the connection in MOST men and women. more so in Women. weather that is a social taught thing or a biological thing i dont know...

Sex is easier then love. Sex with out strings is appealing to more people these days because women are tired of the bare foot and pregnant homemaker roles of the past that make us into nothing more then a brood mare. and we are tired of it being ok for a man to cat around on his wife, girlfriend, or getting away with rape because boys will be boys!
Men of today are confused because there is no clear cut guidelines in dateing and marrage.
but SEX is SEX!

I think use to a women depended solely on her husband for everyneed and now we can drive, work and choose. that means we can go where we like have our very own money and do what we like.
but men have not figured out what to do with us because they feel like they are not wanted. we can talk to friends have sex with any one and we have money and can live on our own so why marry?

this is in POV why the raise of casual sex... the problem is that most women still want love and friendship with the sex and most men dont they are happy with sex any where any time and any place! I think they love this day and age because sex is everywhere and it is free!

I dont however like this fact because for the women how want the husband and long term commetment it is hard because if you are not one who puts out then the man will find someone who will and never think twice about you....but it does weed out the A$$ holes....