So I work at a Day Spa and I think I had mentioned that EVERYONE in my town,where I work have kids...even the younger girls.

Anyway, we were having a slow day and we were all sitting up front talking (which I try to avoid), and they ask if I have kids (I am kinda new there) and I tell them NO, ask how old I am tell them 37yrs,. They are just asking in a conversational way but there is one I can tell is going to be pain in the [censored]. She is young and had her child young...I think 19yrs. is too young to have kids..THAT IS JUST MY OPINION. So I am open and honest and say that I really don't tolerate kids well, don't really care for them, don't want them and love my life w/o it.

Well, my friend is over the Esthetician department until we hire a manager. And he comes into work and that girl complains about me saying I don't like kids etc. So, my friend pulls me aside out of work while we are talking and tells me about the complaint. I knew exactually who it was. I said no offense against you but I have two things to say, "F**k her! I have every right to my own opinion and not to mention I was asked. If people don't want to know they shouldn't ask. ALSO, if I have to listen to them talk about their kids continually all day I have a right to say what I feel. I didn't say I didnt' like their kids are anything towards them. I just spoke how I felt.

Wew...just had to rant. It is this kinda [censored] that ticks me off.

Wow ... that was some nerve of her to complain about that. It would be like me complaining to the boss about my co-worker who is a Republican, and I find offense with her because I'm a Democrat.

Wow. Just... wow. What is wrong with people? You can't even say you don't like kids without them taking it personally. That's just dumb. Screw her.

I have to hear "I hate cats" from time to time, and yes, it does offend me but I realize that people are entitled to their own (stupid) opinions.

Wow! That's just rediculous. You didn't say anything personal about her or her child/ren, you simply said you didn't want them because you didn't tolerate them well. What's wrong with that? She ASKED. If she didn't want an answer, she shouldn't have asked the question.

Of course, it's ridiculous. Jzel, did the girls specifically ask you why you didn't want kids, or was that information you added in connection with the simple question, "Do you have any?"

Not that it matters much.

It doesn't sound like you gave an opinion, per se, as much as you simply stated why you have not chosen the same options they did and you gave your reasons. An opinion would have been to say something like "I don't want kids because they demand too much money/responsibility, they suck the life out of you, they crack a marriage faster than a wrecking ball, etc." But it doesn't sound like you did that.

I have learned that giving your opinions at work is a touchy thing. You're right, you're entitled to have those opinions, but you are not entitled to voice them, per any standard HR department. Personal opinions, when voiced, can make people uncomfortable for whatever reason. If they happen to offend anyone (rightfully so or not), it's an HR issue. Wouldn't you say we all have the right to wear whatever perfume we want? Not so, if someone reports it's a distraction or an offense to them.

P.S. I've also learned that working daily with women can be a real pain in the ahhhss, because some of them are so insecure, jealous, catty or delight so much in starting trouble, and they tattle to whomever will listen.

You should be able to say what you want. She's just jealous b/c she wasn't smart enough to not have kids at such a young age. You can't tell me she is elated that her life is over at 19.

Going to HR is over the top. If she's allowed to like children, you are allowed to not like them.

I went through this with my SIL. She was going on about how DH and I needed a cat. And DH went through a lot of holy drama over his cats before we got married. I don't like cats, and both of his cats had major health issues - the one was constantly puking in the house. She just wouldn't leave it alone - she wanted to know why I didn't like them, and was asking me why I prefer dogs. She has her own cats, why does she care if we have cats? It really bothered her, and my nephew (her son) just asked me this past weekend why I don't like cats. I just blew it off this time. And it felt like we were talking about more than cats - it kind of felt like the old argument to have children, except it was about cats.

This forum exists as a support community for people who choose to live a child-free existence. The forum is not intended to be a debate arena; it is here to help nurture, inspire and educate those who have set their life goals to not include offspring.
Please be sure you are aware of this forum's intentions and rules before posting!

This was posted under my post??? Does this always come up or am I being censored here too?

I have really started to just "have it" with this living childfree. I feel like people with kids can constantly talk about their kids and say whatever they want!!!! But I can't talk about how I feel whether it be here or in my outside life. I am starting to feel discriminated against...what about my rights????

If this board is going in the direction that it appears...that we are not allowed to have a simple vent session I am out of here too!!!

This new bar was just added to help explain to others what this forum is about. It is added under ALL FIRST POSTS now on every page, so that when parents end up here, they know what this forum is about. It is meant to let people know that we don't want to debate if our lifestyle is "right" or not.

It actually has nothing to do with you, Jzel.

Kim Kenney
MNK Editor

Jzel, your experience at work is hideous and out of line. Now wonder you are fuming.

Jzel, after your boss mentioned the "complaint" to you, you should have asked him "is there something in my performance that is not up to par?" (whether that refers to your actual job duties or your behaviour towards your customers), because if THAT would have been the case, he was right to speak to you. Since it was not, there is really no issue....

What do you mean you don't like cats?

Why don't you have cats?

You'll change your mind when you adopt a few cats...

*Everyone wants cats*

LinusLady, you crack me up!

Yeah, Happy. Cats are great. It's different when they're your own.

*snicker*

Happy - You're insulting me as a cat-mom.
I find that disrespectful

Now ladies, let's be respectful.

My husband said to use a code name for B****** - maybe we found one in "cats"

At least you won't hear "But YOU were a cat once."
He he couldn't resist.

"P.S. I've also learned that working daily with women can be a real pain in the ahhhss, because some of them are so insecure, jealous, catty or delight so much in starting trouble, and they tattle to whomever will listen."
TELLLLL me about it. (rolls eyes knowingly, as I work with 4 men - one of whom is leaving soon - and about 21 women!!)

I just hope my dinner at a nice restaurant won't be ruined by unruly cats! Or that people don't bring their cats to inappropriate movies, and the cats disturb others by yowling through the entire movie! LOL!

Cindy

P.S. If people try to make me hold their cats, I can truthfully tell them I'm allergic!

LOL!!!!

The worst that cats do is ignore you and run away if they don't like you. People do worse than that -- they get in your face.

Hah, you forget with cats Duane, that if YOU don't like THEM they'll get in your face just for the fun of it.

Well, at least they don't hiss and puke at you -- worse they do is rub up against you. DW is semi-allergic to cats, so as always, when she is in a room with a cat, guess who gets the walk-to by the cat first. Me, who loves cats and likes to pet them, etc, or DW who has problems with cats?

Three guesses..and the first two don't count.

Bob, my boyfriend, has multiple claw marks all over his body right now because we've been treating our cat's chin with acne pads. Every time we wipe down his chin, Bob gets more claw marks. So they can be harmful somtimes

::looks at my mangled right hand:: Right now I look like I made a botched attempt at slitting my wrist because Mr. Psychopath kitty decided to FLIP OUT that the vacuume was sitting out in the living room. (And it wasn't even ON!) Also have two deep gouges in my palm and finger because I didn't realize I needed to clip his claws again. >_< Anyone have any good tips on de-sensitizing a cat to vacuumes?

Ok, ok -- under normal circumstances, the claws don't come out. I guess like any other person, they react to pain/loud sounds/reactions.

We have this joke that whenever the cat scratches one of us, bites us, or even pees or pukes in the house, we'll say to whoever is the brunt of her anger, "What'd you do wrong?"

So, Grey, that is just your cat telling you to neaten up and put that vacuum away, and my best advice is to obey.

Our cat successfully got my DH to not leave his clothes on the floor anymore by pissing on them. Now if she could just get him to cook dinner! And clean the shower!

The girl who complained is really out of line. What a nasty woman.

But on the subject of your friend letting you know about the "complaint" - without knowing the tone of the conversation - it sounds to me like he might have been trying to give you a heads up rather than agreeing with her? To prevent you having to go through that for real with the actual/eventual new manager, I mean, in case that person is another parent who sides with the others.

Or did it sound more like he felt he needed to "deal" with the complaint?

::looks at my mangled right hand:: Right now I look like I made a botched attempt at slitting my wrist because Mr. Psychopath kitty decided to FLIP OUT that the vacuume was sitting out in the living room. (

My dogs goes bonkers when I pull out the vacuum. He barks, growls and when I vacuum he attacks it. He has almost pulled off the rubber strip that is on the front of it. The little second dog I have (who is second in the pack) follows the leader and he sees Sammie mad at the vacuum so now he just stands back and barks over and over at it. B/t the vacuum running and the dogs barking..I feel like I am going to loose my mind.

Jzel...your coworker seems out of line there. Besides, she ASKED YOU. It wasn't like you were walking around throwing it in her face all day.

My officemate doesn't like cats and I adore them. She has told me multiple times that she doesn't like cats. It is fine with me. Everyone has an opinion as long as they don't try to force their ways on me.

As for working witha bunch of women - YES that can be VERY touchy at times. Although I have to say the group I currently work with are super great. No hassles and no tattling or trouble making! yay!

And as I mentioned in another thread...my cat loves to be vacuumed!! He lays on his back and spreads his legs to have his belly vacuumed!

My friend said it was a heads up; he laughed too. He is a Pagen and doesn't advertise it but was asked "what church do you go to?" So he understands being "different".

He and I had dinner last night and were talking and I told him I would NOT change who I am and will say what I want as others talk about their kids all the time. I don't just walk around saying I don't have kids but I will express myself in conversation and will not walk away and act like I am a second class citizen b/c I don't have kids. It is hard from women in the town to understand that a 37yr. old women does not want kids...but that is there problem not mine.

Jzel, that's awesome that you talked to him and that it was just a heads-up.

It's hard being different in a small town.

WOW, to be honest I don't really see why she should of even had a complaint ? These days it is almost like you have to watch every little thing you say and do, but I don't do that and I'm glad you didn't. And it really amazes me that so many people are so self centered....meaning just because I like cake doesn't mean everyone else has to.

I was talking to a friend of mine at school yesterday a about this same topic- what does a CF person say when asked if they want kids?

My friend (who is a mom) pointed out that I was up against two kinds of bias as I interview for jobs and interact with co-workers. The first bias is the fact that I am almost 30, married, with no kids yet. In the South, that tells employers that I will definately be having kids in the next five years. (we talked about that in another thread).

On the other hand, if I say, "I'm not having kids!" Then I am up against what my friend calls "the conservative Southern gentleman," who would feel that not having kids is a slap in the face to proper morality. It would also offend a lot of women who agree with that philosophy.

So if I don't talk about my CF status, then I won't be able to get a job, but if I do, I'll offend people.

It's definatly a fine line to walk. An annoying fine line.

Obviously, the solution is to put your apron back on and get into the kitchen where you belong ...

When a girl at my office asked about it, I said, "I've given it some thought and decided on never." (Okay, so I stole it from Baby Not on Board.) She laughed and dropped the subject.

Here's hoping you never get reprimanded for answering that simple question that was instigated by your co-workers.

Seriously, how dare she? If the question had been about religion you probably would have due course of action in regards to discrimination. (Hence why I don't talk about mine (or lack thereof) here in the south)

19 is very young to be having children, and at 37 I would think that you would indeed be mature enough by now to know whether or not you truly needed to breed.

PS: DH and I both come from 4+ children families, however, we have 5 dogs if that says anything to you.

I find this funny:
mothers can cry and guilt trip everyone and complan about how horrible there life is with kids and in the same breath bash the childfree for not wanting kids and go on for days about the joys of mother hood!

I think we should stand up and say if there is a dont asked dont tell policy for sexual preference and religous beliefs then there SHOULD be one for the reproductive disitions you have kids great leave the hellions at home and dont bitc# about them at work and dont yap about every little poop they have made from birth! you dont have kids great then you dont have to bring it up at all!

If you arent supost to talk sex and church then this is how I see this Sex is a taboo topic and kids are a by product of sex so they are a taboo topic church is a taboo topic and kids are a manditory must have thing for most religions so kids are a taboo topic! either way you go kids are taboo!

I would point that out the next time!