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I didn't have enough sleep. I had two exams this morning, but I don't feel any stress at all. :)

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My stress level has been high since the end of December!

I found a way to get up from another blow I received and of course my parents started again making my life a living hell. They have this sixth sense about when I feel good or/and full of hope or/and when I set a date that is a new start and this is what they did to me on January 21 a day I was starting over again. That led me to the only choice I had left which is to give them an ultimatum: Accept money to take a vacation (AGAIN THIS IS WHAT THEY BOTH WANT SO THIS IS JUST NOT ME) so they can go relax to their best friend's house (also since my mom is in deaths door she could get medical help with a real doctor in a real hospital) and I can relax here by myself or I start the process to move out.

I for sure would still want to move out on my own even if they accept but if they do accept it would be a better situation for me. My brain would finally have had the vacation it needs and I could get more money aside.

Something happened again today with them and of course I was feeling peaceful today (i could of had the first normal day since we moved here in 2009....not shocked it did not happened...would of been shocked if it would of). I almost right there gave them my ultimatum but my mom lost it and decided to make two sorts of cup cakes (our oven [the 4 electric burners thankfully at least still works] stopped working a few months ago so she made the cake dough here and went 2 doors down to some family members to cook the cake there) so it was not the time. Oh and what they did today was give fire wood to a cousin (WHO BY THE WAY HAS A WOOD LOT....EVERY YEAR HE IS MISSING WOOD TO FINISH THE COLD SEASON) so the last days or weeks before the hot weather arrives we are the ones who will be cold because we do not have the money to use our electric heating system (except for the upstairs bathroom and hallway...i open it in the downstairs bathroom before my showers and close it a little after my night beauty routine...i dont care that they dont like it I WONT TAKE A SHOWER IN THE COLD). And also our first Winter we knew nothing about heating a house with a fire stove and we ended up missing wood because we haven't bought enough and an uncle had plenty of wood left and of course not even one tiny part of a wood log was given to us.

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Dear Nancy -

Before I post any other response I want to say it is WONDERFUL that you are posting in this thread. One of the first keys to stress release is to document and acknowledge your stress. Get it out into the open.

If you bottle up stress, it only makes it worse. It builds up inside you like a pressure cooker.

So find a way to examine your stress each day. This forum is great, or in a diary, or in a phone call with a friend - whatever you choose. The key is to make that a regular daily activity.

That's the first step to then handling it!


Lisa Shea, Low Carb and Video Games Editor
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Dear Nancy -

I think with all you've been through these past years that we accept your parents are unhealthy. Expecting them to act in a healthy manner would be like expecting a puppy to stop chewing. It's just not in their nature. They are the way they are. Being upset about it won't change them. Yelling or pleading or begging won't change them. They are the way they are.

You need to either get into a mindset that you let them be puppies, and it doesn't bother you, or you move out. I don't see any other option.

You can't negotiate with puppies. Even if they say they'll go on vacation, they'll just change their minds. It's what they do.

If you have money to send THEM on a vacation, send YOURSELF on a vacation. Do you have somewhere you can go? Then go there. You absolutely need to shore up your own strength, for your path ahead. It's time to release them to be puppies and to take care of your own health.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb and Video Games Editor
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Lisa,

The thing is that I found places I could rent that are in the middle of nowhere that I could afford, some even have a satellite dish so I could be alone and see the Dallas Stars (thats for 100% if i do go on a vacation NO INTERNET and if i have a tv ONLY for my hockey team) but I cannot do that because their new idea (thats what they dropped on me on january 21...the day i had marked as a new beginning) is to burn down the house to collect the insurance money (in all it would be more than 500,000$). They were shocked that I thought that was an horrible idea and that I was not only completely against it but that I would tell on them imediately. And they also do not believe me when I say that even experts have an hard time getting away with setting something on fire on purpose. Oh and also they actually thought about the few personel items I have that are important for me so they would put them all in boxes and hide them in our metal shed and in our car and that too shocked them when I said that that would be a red flag for the firefighters and investigators and they also do not believe that it would be a red flag (my mom actually told me it would not be their business to go look into our sheds and car).

So I cannot go to a vacation (still...paying for their vacations is cheaper AND with me gone and them staying here they would not get a vacation because they would still be here in the middle of all the drama they hate being in the middle of) and I cannot relax in my own home because of the previous problems and their new plan.

They begged me to never talk about their idea and I did. I told my closest friends by email, I told our nice neighbor and now I am saying it on the internet. They know I talked about it so that is stopping them from doing it (NOW they know they will be caught) but still since they are so more crazy than they were before we moved here I cannot trust them.

I told them that yes we live in an awful town but at least we have a roof over our heads, that too they do not get (by the way...they want to do that because they hate it here but they want to move to Lac-au-Saumon --- THAT PLACE IS LESS THAN 30 MINUTES AWAY FROM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

They are really crazy, I was always at least sure I would never become like them but now I'm not too sure, if I stay here while things do not change I may become like them. It started by me making my body lazy then they made my depression worst and made me a huge ball of stress and now I feel like my soul is actually dying; that is very sad and frightening.

Tomorrow I am doing a few small changes (email address is the main thing) then the next month I am starting my vitamins and calciums again and after I will walk at least once a day then I should have some energy back to do something, now I'm just going through the motions of what I need to do to get through the days (cheering for Canada in men's hockey was the remaining energy i had left) so I cannot face my parents now.

My parents are going to Rimouski tomorrow so I will have at least seven hours to myself since it's about six hours to go there and to come back home (i will probably be asleep when they leave since they are going at around 7:30 but at least i will have a few more hours and then wake up to a peaceful house) so that's like a tiny small little break.

Again thank you for your support!

Nancy xoxoxoxoxoxo

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Dear Nancy -

OK I think we've firmly established that their brains are not functioning properly. Again, think of them as puppies. You are currently saving them from a long jail sentence. Absolutely the arson investigators would figure out immediately that they set the fire. Arson investigators are trained in all the ways that people set fires and have tens of thousands of photos in online libraries to compare against. There's no way your parents could possibly fool them.

Don't even try to argue with them. You've done the best thing possible - made sure they can't do it through publicity.

I know you like your plan of sending them on vacation but it relies on their cooperation to make it work. They've made it abundantly clear they will not cooperate. I don't think basing any plan on their cooperation is a good idea. I would make plans solely based on what YOU can do. You can't fix them or help them. They are on their own path. You need to focus on helping yourself.

You need a break. Your sanity requires it. Is there anywhere you can go even for one day to spend one precious day in peace?


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Lisa,

The ultimatum I think is the best idea for me. If they do not accept I have to immediately start the process to move out and if they do then we all get a needed break and I have more time to properly get myself ready to move out and have more money. Also making decisions even small ones (example: what flavour of bubble gum to buy...i can look at the display sometimes for several minutes....so not hard to imagine how hard the big decisions are for me........spent years deciding to learn how to swim then finish high school then take half my savings for a long vacation then find a job then move out....my dad decided to retire just months after so i was completely floored and the selling of the house and buying a new house and moving was so fast i could not think clearly) so like that it is not up to me. I have talked about it to Gisele (my nice neigbor) and my internet friends via email and they all think it's the best idea for me (Gisele though is scared about the $ i would have left to eat before finding a job..it would be hard but it could be done...of course i would love to have more money but my sanity is more important than snacks before going to bed and pepsi).

I probably could go spend a night or two at Gisele and Toby's house, I don't see her saying no but I even just three houses down I would be scared that my parents would take that as an oportunity to set the house on fire to collect the money.

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Dear Nancy -

With an ultimatum you give them all the power over your life and your choice. They are the ones who get to choose. And even if they say they'll go, they can just change their minds again. There's no way to force them to do anything. It gives them all the power and makes you helpless.

I would not rely on ultimatums for anything in life. Your health is too important. *You* should choose what is best for you - and you can't force anybody else into playing roles in that. They won't do it. People are just that way. They resist being controlled. I just can't see your parents acting logically or rationally about an ultimatum.

For all we know, they want you out of the house so they can proceed with their bizarre plans. So you are giving them the perfect reason to say "Yeah, go ahead."

You should choose what *you* want. You should do what is best for you, and it can't depend on your parents doing or not doing something. They are uncontrollable.

I'm all in favor of drinking water rather than Pepsi even right now smile.

You can't guard the house forever. No matter when you leave, they could decide to burn it down. If you worry about that, you'll be stuck there forever. You've done all you can on that issue. Now either they'll listen or not. But remaining an eternal watchdog over the house just isn't a good option.


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Lisa,

They love to control me too much so they will never throw my out of the house. They freaked out in their own way after I finally found a job years ago when I started talking about moving out (my dad was shocked and sadden and my mom was angry), they would have lost their punching bags.

I still see the ultimatum as the best choice. That could actually finally wake up them up. And if I do it and they say yes and do like the last time and don't go then I won't accept it (that will be part of my ultimatum) and start the moving out process.

I am about to change my email address, tonight I start putting body lotion on and tomorrow I am starting my vitamins and calciums, for thirty days I will do that then I will walk everyday (without the body lotion & vitamins & calciums). That will give me back some energy, I could even decide to do something else until then, who knows (when i take long walks that relaxes me...when i end up far away and especially when im somewhere where the only sounds is nature i can clear my mind completely...i have had a few good ideas some of these times...i could have an ephiphany [sp???] of some sorts..again who knows).

Today I have some energy back, I hate the email account I am with so I am excited to get rid of it plus the Dallas Stars are starting again tonight. The vitamins and calciums then the walks should energise me more.

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My stress was very low today.

My dad could of gotten on my nerves but I was able to immediately block him. Tonight I was having a normal conversation with my mom and then she got defensive and angry at something I said and she immediately followed this by a sentence trying to make me bad for her so I rolled my eyes and when she saw that she got up to go to bed.

When I have a not too bad day (woke up to an empty house because my parents had [well technically they did not had to they made that decision the night before] to go back to Rimouski and they came back when i was almost finished with my morning routine) I have almost no problem blocking my parents. The only problems for me today was the arthritis attack I got two nights ago (started when i was in my night beauty routine...its a new 1 for me...its where the fat of the thumb is on my left hand) is still there and I had no energy.

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