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Joined: Jun 2012
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I have been with my BF for about 5 or 6 years, we live in a house together and share a dog. He is a good guy but is not a good communicator and has a temper. I am a smart, articulate young woman with a Type A personality and a very nurturing side. We agreed we will not be having kids of our own for various reasons however I would like to foster a baby short-term and he dosen't. His response was actually " I don't want to be bothered with someone elses's kid." I was totally blown away by that comment and am actually disgusted by it!!! I am well aware that he is sometimes selfish buy my gosh.... I feel like fostering a baby has many positives: The gov''t will provide healthcare and dental care for the baby, my large family can provide clothing, etc (hand me downs) and a monthly stipend will help cover diapers and formula. Most importantly, I am doing a good thing for a baby who was put into a bad situation and needs love and care. I understand my BF doesn't want to raise a child but why is he opposed to being a caregiver short-term and helping the helpless? We are 31, responsible, and have a nice home. I think we are blessed and need to give back... Why do you think he is so closed minded and not even bothering to discuss this with me as an adult? How long should I wait to bring this up again? Should I continue researching this and present this again to him with facts and information???

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Your boyfriend sounds like he is sure about what he wants out of life and he should be respected for it, just as you should be respected for what you want to do, which is admirable. I don't think either one of you is being selfish, but only sure about yourselves and your individual needs.

If children are in your future but not his, then it is time to end the relationship with him so you both can get what you want. There are a lot of men out there who would love to have kids, fostering or otherwise. It is not fair to expect your boyfriend to have the exact same life expectations and goals as you do, especially since you changed your mind about having children. The fostering is not the point. You still have to raise the child and care for it in every way. The responsibilities are just as great, if not greater, when you foster than if you have your own children.

You said you both agreed some time ago that you don't want kids. You changed your mind. That is fine, but don't look down on your boyfriend if he does not agree. Move on to make the life for yourself that you want.


Debbie Grejdus
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I agree 100% with Debbie. It seem your reasons and your husband's reasons to not having kids are different. You talk about economical reasons, your husband rules out the possibility of having kids, any kids in his life. It is legitimate too.


Last edited by Solalux; 06/15/12 03:09 PM.

Moderated by  Kate Relationships Editor 

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