BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Miscarriage Miscarriage...

So back in October I missed my period it didnt come it ended up not coming until november. The whole time I'm freaking out thinking I'm pregnant. Did a pregnancy test nothing. I talked to my "friend" who said he would take me to get a blood test. We went but the woman behind the counter could not draw my blood. So I'm thinking this is all cleared up Period came beginning of November just like it would have if my period was normal. I literally just skipped a month. This is all fine and dandy except the whole october I was sick. This further had made me think I was pregnant. The whole time I just knew I was and I had bonded with my little booger. I talked with my "friend" who said he wanted me to get an abortion. I'm not going to lie I contemplated all my options but when it came down to it I couldn't cope with killing a child. Like what if this child was born to be something great and I cut its life short. We had discussed our other options and were going to think about it more when like I said November came around with what I thought was a pleasant surprise. I went in for a pap smear the other day and the doctor asked me if I had ever been pregnant. I said no. And she said that I had some membranes in my [censored] that were unfamiliar to a woman who had never been pregnant. She did some testing and poked and proded further into my cervix to find that I had been pregnant at some point and that what I ahd thought was my period was a miscarriage. I can't deal witht he thought of my little booger being dead. My peanut died and I didnt even know it. Actually I had a feeling something wasn't right. I just knew I was pregnant I knew it but I just pushed it out of my mind since the tests I took came up negative. After telling my doc what had happened in October she said that most likely I had spontaneously aborted when the fetus was just two or three weeks old and that it had gone with my cycle to eject from my body. I don't know whether or not to tell my friends or my family since none of them knew I thought I was pregnant in the first place. Also my "friend" he and I don't speak anymore. He, as he says, "wants nothing to do with me anymore" Probably on account that he got a girlfriend and decided I wasn't worthy of that status and threw me to the side like trash. I want to tell him I want to share this pain with someone because honestly it is utterly painful and I'm in it alone. How do I cope? Do I tell him?

Can anyone help me?

Hello K713 & welcome

Reading your post, let me just first say that I am so sorry for your loss.

It can be difficult to explain to people or talk about as openly as you might like, all of the emotions and bonding, which you mention, that a person goes through when there is a loss of this magnitude.

I suppose there are support groups and counseling, but sometimes you really just want people who are close to you or that you care about, care just as much about you and what it is you're going through. Sadly that isn't always the case, however.

If your friend has moved on, it may not have the outcome of support you're hoping for. But, given this experience and the bond that WAS created, as strong as it was, you could take that bond with your "peanut" and see if there isn't something more to it, such as actively pursuing either having a child or focussing on a a relationship with a partner that might like the same thing.

I am 38 and the doc told me I was high risk because of my age and diabeties and high blood pressure all of which were controlled by the time I found out I was pregnant .in april 2013 I took a home test and when to the doc both came back positive .From my calculation my last period was in feb 2013. I from calculation would have been 12 weeks on my first doc appointment .he sent for me to get an ultrasound but was told it would be like 3 weeks .To long never heardheart beat but had morning sickness and all .But thought since I had been taking care of myself taking prenatal vitimans,eating right cutting out coffee I would have a good pregnancy as I was enjoying being pregnant.Then two weeks ago I started to bleed told it was probably normal but just to wait . I calledmy doc and they bumped up my ultrasound. I went in last Monday .The tech wouldn't show me anything or say anything to let me know what was going on .They told me to stop by doc offices .I was told that there was no heart beat and that the gastinional sac contained one fetus which was small to gastional sac which said it was 8 weeks 4 days sac was 9 weeks 5 days .My heart had sinked .The doctor reefed me too rnd seak to a gyno .I got there at 9am with paperwork and thy knew I was coming . The nurse started out by saying whats the problem today why are you here.A intern came in talk to me and said the doc was in or was in or so she talk to me .She asked me if this was my first abortion ,how many abortions have you had ?was is a planed pregnancy .It broke my heart as she kept referring to an abortion .Which was not I wanted this baby .then I waited and waited .finally they did a ultrasound and bloodwork They never did a vaginal then I got asked how did I know I was pregnant and a bunch of questions .They had all the information .They then came in and said I would have to sit in the hall way as they needed room .I was there 7 hours before I saw the doc I was there to see she basically gave me 3 options I choose to take pill as I did not like the feel of what went on all day .that night I passed the miscarriage .My heart hurts so much as now I am to old to try again it was my last chance

I am so sorry that you had this happen. The medical personnel that you dealt with seemed a bit callous. Seek advice elsewhere!

Before you say that you are too old to try again, find a good doctor and consult. You may be too old; you might not be too old. You do need to find a doctor that specializes in high risk pregnancies. They work with women all of the time who have the risk factors that you mention. Not to make light of these risk factors, since they are a concern, but a doctor who chooses to work with this clientele is a lot more likely to help you bring a baby to term.

Take care.