BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Stuck in Pergatory

Pergatory,

I'm so glad you were able this time to "resist" and enjoy your own space/company. You're right, it can be hellatious!

For the most part there can be lots of great things around, if only the person could control themselves or have the respect to want to. The kids are beautiful, the holidays are (well the image of them) is nice, the idea of family and all, I've even seen it to where, like the inmates in prison claim to have found God through their errors, so too has now the person who use to take a hand to you. You want to believe it too.

The holidays will be here shortly. Memories, especially, will be hard.

They or you may say, well, it's just this once and the kids want to see their dad, I don't want to spend Thanksgiving/Christmas alone. You're not...there are others around.

Just keep in mind, if you have to go back, it will be nice temporarily and make certain you take with you a plan of action to exit for if/when the time comes. Holidays, people drink, you'll need a.b.c. to keep you and your kids safe. This is usually something you'll need maybe not the first night, but after you've had sex, make sure you have that plan.

Going back is one thing. Going back naively is an entirely different price tag.

Pergatory,

It is pleasing to hear that you enjoyed time spent with yourself and that you found an effective bridge. It takes a lot of courage to express inner moments of darkness and even greater courage to face them.

It is easy to see that you are a strong person. I hope that in time we will see your handle evolve into something more reflective of your newly found insight. You have a bright light in you and though it may get marred from fear and uncertainty from time to time makes it shine no less brightly.

It is a pleasure speaking with you. Blessings that you find fewer bumps along your path. I keep you close in my thoughts.

Thank you ladies, Yes Elleise you are very correct this is not the first time i have went into something thinking it would change when he cheated i took him back im pretty sure he never cheated again but his rath of feeling imprisoned i guess came out another way, I know no all people who do bad things are evil people it it is an insite to the demonds they carry. And his were a burden to me for way to long i have realized i had to give up some of myself to love him. And that is not real love? Well i want more i want to be happy and if i have to do it alone then i will. Im sad for people who live their life in such a hell they take it out on other i can not imagaine the pain that must cause. I think the excuse that you been hurt in the past or broken is a bad one to force yourself in a life of solidtude i know my ex suffers from abandomnet issues and insecuriteis like most of the world but how you chose to deal with them shows how strong your root character is. Im no angle i know that but i have sought help anytime i could not figure out how to do it what felt the right way. As for the holidays well i never had family and for the short time i had one with him it was great. But now my family has steped up i will be home with them this year a new start a new future, also i have made some really great girlfriends that have the same kinda broken parts and family so we will do Chirstmas together this year and combine our families honestly i am very excited to do all of this. Yes i will miss it all for a very long time. But i will just remeber the reasons i left and move on. its not easy and even God sometimes is not strong enough to help me fight the urge to just be alone. but i admit i find help here just talking and knowing for once im being listened to and not blown off. that my words actually mean something. Have no fear i have no intentions of returning to this guy im sure people change but maybe its best if he just treats the next girl better and i take it as a loss. Im to tiered to fight anymore and exhusted at living in fear. I miss him yes i will always have a form of love for him yes. But i need to move on and find someone to love me the way i loved him. completely

Pergatory,

Your words (your voice) are really inspiring!

The hardest part I think is that inbetween area/transition before you see the possibility of light on the other side. Every situation has one, no matter how impossible they might seem, it's just making yourself believe there is when you're just not feeling it.

I agree with you so much about all of us have had something done to us, but the people who go out of their way to dish their pain outside of themselves onto another, there's no justifiable reason for it, no matter what you've experienced in your past.

A person who can walk away from pain, in a positive sense...not lashing out obnoxiously or resentfully has already increased their attractiveness 100 fold!

It's that kind of beauty that will radiate and catch the attention of someone that actually wants to make the effort, is glad to, to be there for the person they cherish and want to share all that life has to offer, with them.

I'm so happy for you

I

Im looking back at my post how sad. Its been a year to the date i made my big move. A seems to come and go so fast i have done so much in this year. So many good and bad memories. Im amazed i still feel so many emotions about this guy even though it has been a year. Im so excited i hav made the nest step to change that. Im excited i have something amazing to look forward to in this New Year. I have moments of missing him the family and all the good times. But i realized it is getting easier to let him go now i have found so many things to replace him with. I now pray for his peace and hope he finds a way to be happy. I still hold some saddness in my heart for him for our lost life. But now i see it in such a different way. I am greatful i have my group my words and this new empowerment as a once hurt women. I am no longer a victim. I have escaped that lable of oh that girl how stupid to be with that guy. Now im that girl she is so strong. I love myself today and everyday. I look back on this on my times of weakness and i remeber why i did what i did and i smile. I did it! My head is held high today.

Pin a gold star on your shirt! You sound like you are growing stronger by the day and that your new year is off to a great start! Stay strong!

Thanks Eurogirl. Its only half the battle. I hope people in this year follow my lead. I use to be so weak. I mean if i can do oh my ANYONE can it. My next step is to sell everything i own start with a clean new life. Well almost everything. I really plan to change so much and so far i have accompished o many of my small goals, i learn to take baby steps in goal setting makes it a lot easier to actuall follow through on them.

You sound great, Pergatory. I am so happy for you.

thanks for the update, i often wonder what happens to people who post here and never come back.