BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids people BLINDLY having kids w/o resources...

Hey, Jennifer B. There will always be cases like Dolyn's. As you said, they seem to be statistically rare. I have most certainly met people that referred to their children as "surprises." People who initially say, " I was on the pill." only to admit later that they were also taking antibiotics, which render the pill less effective.

I too, support your statement about alot of people getting pregnant after a night of drunk sex. This stereotype is usually applied to teenagers, but I'm virtually certain that it has been the cause of many married couples "surprise" children as well.


Someone also made a point about people not wanting to appear irresponsible.

It's funny that you mention you aren't highly sexual. I'm not either. I like to have fun and be intimate with my husband, but it certainly doesn't need to include penetration (I hope I'm allowed to say that on here!). As long as we enjoy each other sexually in some way, I'm good. I also don't generally drink alcohol.

I can see both sides of the coin about "surprise" pregnancies... My partner has two children to two women, both as a result of "accidents"... In the first child's case, it's probably true, as they were both very young at the time and his ex was on the pill. But she was also an admitted bulimic at the time, which (vomiting / purging) could easily have made the pill fail. Also, she showed no signs of pregnancy and it wasn't actually discovered until she was 5 months along! Probably again because of the bulimia, no weight gain etc, plus that does actually happen to a small number of women. His second child, however, is another story. The woman was just a casual fling, and while she still insists it was an accident and she was on the pill, her behaviour after she got pregnant calls into question whether she planned the whole thing... She basically tried to use the pregnancy to trap my partner into a relationship with her - needless to say she failed! And now they have a child together which they have to deal with forever. Pretty sad what lengths some women will go to to try to get a man!

Catluvgal,

I see the same thing out here where we live. This is a subsidized apartment which means, rent based on your income. There's a social room attached to the office where they have pamphlets and a social worker if you need to speak with one. I can't tell you the number of times there's a pregnant girl in there swinging her feet back and forth under her chair with a big smile on her face.

I'm in the room enough because there's a library attached to it with a computer. As soon as a social worker walks in, the smile, gum chewing personality turns to "victim." It's not a smile like of happiness at being a mother, more like a smile of "instant income" scheming?? Like you can see their minds working.

Well, the child is still inside, so there's time for that I suppose, but later when it's out, the sob stories are more real I guess, because now they feel the pain, but they'll often end up having another kid, to keep their man straight or in their minds, recieve more income, more attention and end up rearing a family on welfare. When you know your way around the system, the money is endless!

The place we're in right now is nicer than the $700.00 a month apartment I had to work my way up for 3 years in college to afford and it's not half the price. It's almost a city within itself.

Eleise, I have a cousin whose ex sister in law is like that girl you described...4 kids by 4 different fathers just to get a bump up in her welfare check...they all ( my cousin's ex, his sister, their parents, and one of SIL's sperm donors) live in the same government provided house, and cousin was called by child services one weekend to come get her kids because the social worker investigating SIL found cat feces on the walls of their house...but, they didn't take SIL's income..ahem..i mean kids...away...people like that make me ill...

I struggle with my feelings on this issue quite a bit. Out of my close group of friends, I know two couples who are financially secure. In contrast, one couple is on food stamps, and two couples are close to declarinig bankruptcy. They were in these situations before having children, and things are obviously worse afterwards. While I strongly disagree with their decision from a fiscal responsibility standpoint, I also see how much they love and care for their children. They never complain about the financial burden, and they are wonderful parents. In reality, I'm not sure they could ever dig themselves out of the monetary struggles even if they never had children. Emotionally, they are top-notch parents. Financially, they are horrible parents. I'm not sure which is more important. Or, maybe they are equally important?

Well, I don't really remember how lightheaded I used to get around young men... but I DO get crazy around pastry! Thank goodness it can only make me fat, not pregnant or I might be a welfare mama too!

People come from different backgrounds. You said your friends had bad finances before. I mean, if they had bad credit or whatever yes that's a problem. However when you can't keep finances straight as a couple you're really going to be in dire straits when a third person for whom you're responsible comes into the mix. I suppose if that lifestyle suits them and they're happy, that's fine. I have a friend who was a welfare mother and with government help became a nurse and does really well. Different strokes for different folks. My issue is when people are in denial about how much their going to struggle, and then want to complain. I feel bad for how it would affect their children. And I certainly wouldn't want to live that way myself.

Catluvgal, that post about the pastries was freakin hysterical!

I completely agree, MissTalia. Some people make it very clear that they want to raise their kids in minimalist way, so they don't grow up distracted by the materialistic society. To me, that's a pretty impossible feat, but more power to them. Others are just poor money managers but don't think they should "deprive" themselves of a family. I don't think they consider the implications of their choices, especially for their child's future. Their kids are in debt before they can even earn an allowance!

I used to live in Taiwan and you could walk into almost any pharmacy there and get the pill over the counter without any prescription. You could buy it like you buy cold medicine. I don't know why we can't do that here. When I left I loaded up on a years supply even had my friend send me some when I ran out. If you can buy condoms and other forms of birth control in the store why can't you get the pill that way?

I laughed, I have to entirely agree with this, pastry and good food always make me go a bit crazy. I'm pretty fat but I just can't help the call of a warm meal with my parents and friends!